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just goin' crazy


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I'm 42, married, 3 kids. I'm an artist, I MUST create, I'd rather create than eat, drink, sleep or feed the family. I was worried about the drugs, whether they'd interfere with the process (but if they did, would I be beyond caring?), but so far, not a bit of difference. Oh, other than I think I'm on the wrong meds, and just barely, barely keeping mania under control.

I'm on depakote er 1500mg, zoloft 200 mg, and xanax, 4 mg. I take naps. I know, wtf, zoloft and BPII?? Also OCD, known that since childhood  (you mean it's not normal to pull out all your eyelashes??), but the "C" turned into "O", I think I liked it better, counting syllables made me look too much like I was twitching. But when I "came to" out of an obsessive thought, and saw that I was doing 25 mi over the speed limit on a curving mountain road, figured, hmmm, somethin' ain't right.

The BPII is a recent dx, and as soon as i'm stabilized, I'll start lamactical and eventually do the switchover. Oh, and major depression (of course it's on the road map!), the most recent was this summer (hence the zoloft, and then the huge increase for the obsessions). Curled up in a fetal position on the couch for a month. Also looking for a new pdoc. Man, if it ain't one thing it's another.

Look forward to screaming along with y'all.

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hi rabbit,

welcome to the boards. sounds like you've gone through a hell of a lot lately. wow. be proud that you're able to. it takes some serious character strength to do that.

i have major depression too but am on effexor and seroquel. so far so not so good. i found out recently that the seroquel is doing heaps for my anxiety though (by doing the obvious and going off it cold turkey to see what happened - not one of my better decisions).

take care,

grouse.

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hey sweets... n welcome ta crazy town!!!

so what are you creating???  how big is your family?

well anyways welcome n hope you feel at home REAL soon!!

oohh n been in that postion (fetal) alot! or just rocking! ;)

good thoughts goin'ta you n yours!!!

flutterfly xo

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Hey Rabbit...I have 2 kids...and Im also an artist...Im epileptic...and I have bipolar. I was also afraid of the meds effecting my creativity...mainly because my creativity is my OCD...ever since my parents gave me crayons when I was 1...I drew a kite and a giraffe...I havent stopped since. Im on Depakote ER, Keppra and Topamax...and it hasnt effecting my motivation or creative ideas.

I havent tried Lamictal, being rash proned, but its a great AC from what Ive heard. Im looking forward to seeing you around...Welcome to Crazyboards!!!...Lisa

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. i found out recently that the seroquel is doing heaps for my anxiety though (by doing the obvious and going off it cold turkey to see what happened - not one of my better decisions).

Thanks for the welcome, grouse! sorry to hear you're not doing so well. I can feel when the xanax is wearing off, man the anxiety really invades. does seroquel make you sleepy? Or is that a no-brainer?

Hey, I've made worse decisions, I guarantee you...  haha

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My kids are 18 (in college), 5 & 3. All in the same marriage.

My art has been, for the past 15 years, watercolors & mixed media, I usually have 22k gold leaf in it somewhere. Abstracts, although the smaller pieces tend to have more of a graphics feel. Have done commercial work/lettering, and commissions, and have exhibited myself to death. The past few years, I've participated in an average of 20 juried exhibits/yr. This has all come to a screeching halt. I'm dumping it all, and now painting furniture. Not so much the decorative style, although that kinda fills in the "background", but more like using it as a 3D canvas. New obsession. Okay, maybe the zoloft still isn't working so well.

Thanks for the welcomes.

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