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Getting pleasure out of obsessions?


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I get these obsessive thoughts about being beaten, abused, raped, tortured and molested. I can't stop thinking about it because I feel like I need to be abused so badly that images of abuse play through my head constantly. My shrink has called this obsessive compulsive thinking, and I'd have to agree with that, but is it "normal" for folks with OCD to get pleasure out of their obsessions? I mean.. I wouldn't say the intrusive thoughts are particularly pleasurable, I only get pleasure out of these fantasies because I want them to happen, but the fact that they're not happening makes it distressing. It feels like the obsessive compulsive thoughts are rubbing it in, which distresses me as well. I mean, I guess my thoughts are distressing, but ultimately I want them to happen. From what I've heard people with OCD might think obsessively about hurting someone, for instance, and then worry about doing it. I only worry because my obsessions /aren't/ happening, not because they might.

EDIT:

Okay, I just found something on a website about the diagnostic criteria for OCD.

"Obsessions are defined as distressing ideas, images or impulses that repeatedly intrude into the patient's awareness. These thoughts are typically experienced as inappropriate, anxiety-arousing and contrary to the patient's will or desires (i.e., ego dystonic)."

This confuses me, because my intrusive thoughts aren't contrast to my desires but they are still distressing.

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hey diamond, i can really really relate to what you wrote.  A passage i had read on a psychologist''s/psychiatrists take on OCD pretty much summed up what you quoted: that the cognitive/intrsusive thought aspect of OCD lies in the individual not wanting such thoughts to come into his/her conscious mind; and that if an individual desires something such as sexual circumstances to occur and they fantasize sexually about such then that is not so much obsessive/compuslive in regards to the cognitive/intrusive aspect of OCD.....the acts may be obsessive/compulsive defined along the lines of slight addiction (i dont necessarily believe such sexual fantasies and acts to be addictive but more expressive; to be addictive there would need to be effects of someone's life becoming increasingly worse and degraded over time until they hit rock bottom, but such sexual expressions are not degrading but more creative and funneled in a way to fantasize because such sexual impulses within one to be dominated are not being acted out within actual relations with others) where such actions and thoughts triggering euphoric and sexual highs and thus one craves them daily, but they would not fit along the lines of obsessive/compulsiveness defined by OCD. 

I have gone through such sexual fantasies (not ones that are totally abusive, but just pretty much dominated by older male figures) on a daily to weekly basis since i was 11 yrs old....interesting it is, for up close and personal i'm not immediately attracted to men, but in my fantasies i cant get enough of them (as i just want to be dominated by them......it truly helped me tons to hang out with friends that lived the lifestyle i was fantasizing about. For one it allowed me to just drop the pretenses built up by societal conservativism, and for another i didnt have to feel like i was a slave to such fantasies as i learned the sexual urges to fantasize were a natural impulse coming from within, and thus i was able to see that it was me wanting to not INDULGE within them, but to express what i felt.

The girl i am going with cant get enough of such dominating schemes she and I act out (we keep it healthy, but a bit hardcore).  Wanting to be raped and sexually aroused is very sexy, but being raped is actually a totally different thing......the rape-victim actually loses his/her ability to control the situation anymore, and physical harm can just get out of control (STDs, vaginal tears, anal tears, physical abuse such as broken noses, broken cheek bones, black eyes, bruisings, broken ribs, etc....it can get out of hand, depending on the rapist.....some rapists fear they will be turned in and end up killing their victims....it can turn quite disgusting and very unlike fantasy-land where we see ourselves as having control and end up just getting out of it by getting up and out of our heads without having to truly live out the pain caused by real life circumstances). hope i helped a bit.  The distress i have always gotten from fantasizing of such instances is that i feel guilty, shameful, and a bit disgusted (after i am done with the fantasy, a.k.a. after i get off) because i seem to not want anything to do with such a fantasy after i'm done with it, it just doesnt seem to fit what my character and personality in society and around friends is about.....but i'm still just trying to figure that one out. 

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As my psychologist once said to me, the two key components of a clinical obsession are "doubt" and "threat".

There are a number of ways they can dominate your mind, and I believe this is primarily a chemical imbalance which responds quite well to long term medication and some therapy. 

But its often the "self doubt" that you might act upon these ideas, or that your are sick for thinking about them, and its often the fact that the content is threatening to you that the obsessions become so sickening or frightening. 

This information is not a cure, but it is the start of an answer.  A good clinical psychologist will teach you to understand doubt and threat through psychotherapy and learn to recognise these thoughts or voices from your normal train of attention and try to ignore them.

Unfortunately OCD is one of the paths to madness.  There are no answers to the questions that go around and around in our heads like a maze, and the more attention we pay to them the more they become disabling, and soul destroying.  Ignoring them can become a learnt response and works well, in conjunction with proper medical treatment from a psychiatrist.

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