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Wife, husband, partner, spouse?


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but i also have know that it's a sensitive spot for (to use and example, i hope she doesn't mind) Fiona, who is very aware that she CAN'T legally marry her love, and therefore uses the term 'partner'.

No problem using me as an example, especially when it's so appropriate. I will add that I dislike the phrase "domestic partner." We share a lot more than domesticity; something about the term rubs me the wrong way, maybe because it sounds like it could just mean "roommate."

so i'm wondering....in the perfect world, where we all can be married, what terms would you want me to use?

and in our current imperfect world, what terms do you want me to use? 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We use "spouse" sometimes, especially when 'partner' hasn't quite translated in people's heads. I think it would feel more accurate after we get around to having a ceremony -- though we may not, we've been talking about it for seven or so years now. And we have given thought to the many beautiful places to get married in Canada.

We call each other 'wife' when alone and find it surprisingly satisfying.

Using 'wife' in public is usually an exercise in shock value. Also quite satisfying.

To the best of my knowledge, our friends use 'partner' when they talk about us.

I don't at all like 'girlfriend,' at least for us, but it works for women who are just dating. We passed that stage of our relationship a long time ago. And I find 'lover' generally distasteful, without any real reason.

Fiona

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And I find 'lover' generally distasteful, without any real reason.

Probably because it implies that you're just there for the sex.

I never made it past the "girlfriend" stage with any of the women I was involved with.  Let's just say I have this tendancy to attract women with a lot of problems, because I kind of have this white knight complex...  Anyway.  Getting off topic now.  Back to your regularly scheduled thread...

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I use partner.  I wouldn't employ wife because I am in Canada and since we are not married it would be incorrect to use the term.

Have I ever said girlfriend lately? I have in the past but so many people use it to mean a girl that is a friend it doesn't seem to hold the "right" connotation.  But in a pinch, I guess it's fine too.

Yeah, lover just sucks.  It's got the "ewww" factor all over it. 

My Lovah......sorry, being silly but really, I just get this ultra bad, campy image in my head of these two women fawning all over each other, cheaply dressed...tawdry...anyway...

Karen

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And I find 'lover' generally distasteful, without any real reason.

Probably because it implies that you're just there for the sex.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sex? What sex? I've been severely depressed and/or heavily medicated so long this is almost more theory than practice.

Fiona

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I usually use partner, because, we are that too. Sometimes I use SO, but I'm not happy with that one either. But I find that "poopsie or love muffin" are nongendered enough to satisfy the silly twee aspect in my psych  ;)

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Right now, I AM just dating.  So boyfriend is accurate and sufficient.  Usually, when I think about other people, I do tend to think "partner".  For me, I do look forward to someday having a husband.  Though I do think that I would reserve that for SOME legal recognition; ie an unrecognized Canadian marriage, I'm still married SOMEWHERE.  I might go ahead and use it.

So in short...whatever.  This tends to go along with my feelings on a LOT of things in that yes I have preferences, but if you're not TRYING to offend me, I'm not going to get offended.  I'm not one to over-worry semantics.

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I live in Holland, where gay marraige is legal. We refer to each other as either husband or spouse, with partner as a distant third. To me, where I live, partner has a connotation of not being in a legally binding relationship, whereas husband or spouse both signify to others that your relationship does have a legal status.

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  • 1 month later...

I've not been past the dating stage with any of my girlfriends, but if I were there, I think I'd prefer partner for awhile, while it is still newish or not cemented yet, and then after we've had a wedding I'd say spouse or wife. I wouldn't care if people looked at us funny. That's there problem. Lesbians and gays have always been around and won't go away. Voting our unions out of the constitution means the constitution is invalid in my opinion. It makes discrimination "legal"- what if black people or hispanic people or heavy-set people were voted out of society?

People need to wake up and see that we don't have to all have the same bedroom habits.

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Heya,

I never said SO until my cousine (French for girl cousin) (girl cousin) distinguished b/w SO (Significant Other) and SOB (what you think it means).

Now SO or partner works for me.  No assumptions required.

If someone wants to say husband (DH, a guy) or wife (DW, a girl) like me, that's okay too.

But OK, I'm Canadianistani.

--ncc--

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