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Another one bites the dust


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My mother-in-law has been staying with us.  That's another subject entirely.  I mean, I like her all and well, but my routine and my privacy is gone.  So I'm not doing well in general because of that.  I drank way too much last night and don't remember lying in bed crying.

As to why I was crying.  Her best friend's sister died yesterday.  She was bipolar and  we still don't know if it was suicide or not. This poor woman went into a coma years ago when they first gave her Lithium, and she's had brain damage since. 

Anyway, it was a major trigger and I'm not doing well.

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Waterfall, I am sorry that you have received such depressing news.  It is bad enough when shit like this happens to non-MIs, but for us it just hits too close to home.

My cousin committed suicide in the spring, just when I was falling apart so badly myself.  I totally understood the pain that might have led her to such drastic action.  But at the same time it gave me more determination to fight this beast as I don't want to only be remembered as the one who offed herself.

Things may not have changed much in the treatment of MI (at least not as far as I am concerned, given how many lives have been destroyed by it) but I take comfort in the fact that newer meds are always coming into the market that help more and harm less than treatments of the past.

Hope I am not coming across as too much of a Pollyanna, Sulu

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I am so sorry you've been hit with this, Waterfall.  I've been knocked around more than once by the death of a stranger, but in spite of that, I have yet to find ways to make the pain less.  Besides the obvious and slightly preachy advice -- don't drink, alcohol is a depressant; it wasn't your fault; take care of yourself --I don't know what to say.  Perhaps just that I hurt for you.  I'm sorry. 

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I am seconds away from calling 911.  I tried to fling myself down the stairs.  It didn't work.  I am embarrased and ashamed.  So I am not going to call.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are feeling embarassed and ashamed of something that isn't your fault. You did not ask to have a mental illness, and you are doing the best you can. Please please please let the medical professionals do the best *they* can. Call. Call now. If you can't call, have someone call for you. You can get through this.

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Do you find their music to be soothing? If it's something that's going to help make you feel better, then by all means go ahead! If it's something that is going to indulge your depression and give it more strength, then please don't.  This will pass. Your life may never be perfect, but it will also not always be this bad.

Call.

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