Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org




How hard do you work at trying to seem normal?


Recommended Posts

I'm seriously considering giving up on trying to look and act normal, I do an abysmal job at it anyway.  I think I"m going to start cataloging all the energy draining efforts and eliminate them. I don't think that it'll be easy, we are talking about a life time of thinking and acting.  I'm sure that I do certain things, in certain ways that I'm not even aware of.  

 

Hyperbole aside, I'm a lunatic and I'm tired of suffering additionally, so as not to upset others.  I want to be free.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hid my mental illness very well until I was gone from work for a week after trying to kill myself. Cat got let out of the bag on that one. Otherwise, it's pretty much just my business. My family knows. My boyfriend knows. I am very open about it with family/a couple close friends. But I don't have many friends and my social life is dull. I seem normal at work. In public. Etc. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lately I have been so pissed off because I realized a lot of people even those who know my condition just have no idea that I am ill and struggling. They thought that just because I've had some stability that I am "not sick" anymore, that maybe it was just a phase, that they "told me so" if I just focus and pray and blah blah. But they are seeing the side of me that is coping so far. They don't know that I still struggle, that most ofnthe time I still feel like crap. They only see what they want to see.

And it pisses me off. Lately it's being normal I resented because of what I described above. Lately I feel insulted with the thought ofmbeing or acting normal because to me, normal is just society's really fucked up way of stopping you from being great not despite of your illness but because of your illness. I know this sounds pretentious but I realized no matter how it sucks, there are a couple of advantages that come with my illnesses. And I just hate the fact that society has made me feel that I need my illness to "go away" to be okay. It's me. In a lot of unusual way, it has made me better. And does "better" mean normal? Screw society and norms. Those people are not better. They just think they are because that's how the norms described what is acceptable, hence the world normal. Sometimes norms are more illogical than the craziest people I've been around with.

So lately it's the other way around for me. I feel like slapping the uneducated NORMALS of society with their stupidity.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can totally relate to you. Most of my time is spend blending in and making everyone to believe that nothing is wrong in my mind. Can't have society thinking you're off, right? Seriously though, the amount of energy I put into this masking is so very exhausting. I can't tell if it's worse than expressing my symptoms at times. I'm just too paranoid to show my "true" self to society. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 years later...

I am pretty practiced at wearing a mask and generally covering my tracks when I'm depressed and when I'm hypomanic everyone thinks I'm wonderful anyway so it doesn't matter, but all-in-all the pretending does get pretty exhausting and after a while I find that I don't really even know who I am any more.  You know when I get home and lock myself away in my room and all the bullshit falls away and I am left with the real me -- well who am I.  I've played a part so damn long all day long I've forgotten who the hell I am.  It's a weird feeling. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think all the people I deal with (word spreads fast when a bunch of people are together ... church for example) who knows about everything treats me pretty good and they don't ask a lot of questions.  Also people ask my mom about me and she tells it like it is.  I don't hide anything anymore.  It is exhausting and stressful (more than I already have), so I just get the explanation out of the way and tell people who ask.  If I were to not tell anyone, I would be very stressed to be around people, because I would then have to make up something to get them to stop asking questions.  And the only way to get rid of that stress of constant questioning for me is telling people how things really are.

Hope his makes sense.

Edited by melissaw72
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...