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Coming to terms with some one you love dying


Panz

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my Aunt who I love very much has just been diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer.I am in shock and numb. When ever something that I can't cope with goes on in my life I just go numb. I want to provide support, but I'm in rough emotional shape and can't even think about with out bawling my head off. She has a few months to live and has refused treatment. I don't know why I'm even posting this. I have never learned to cope with death and I'm just very broken up about this.Tomorrow morning I have to go to an appointment with the disability determination board to discuss what kind of supplemental income, if any they are going to give me. I'm just going to be in swell shape for this. ;)

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It has been a long battle for my grandmother the last few months (she appears to have miraculously pulled through but we'll see) and recently a good friend passed away.  I try to celebrate the life they lived.  I just now posted a story about my friend on another thread (coincidence, i swear).  I'm still smiling thinking about him. 

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Panz,

I'm sorry that you are facing this life tragedy and I know what you are feeling. 

I lost my five year old daughter five years ago this December.  She fought a chronic illness for a year and we (her dad and I) were told two months before she passed that there were no other options for her, and she would not survive her illness.  I was numb.  I was terrified.  I was in utter disbelief.  It was like a horrible dream and I was on autopilot the two months before she died.  All the strength I had, was put into giving her the best, last days of her life.  As I think back on those days and months, before and after she passed, I honestly can't tell you how or what got me through it. 

I believe in God and heaven, and I believe that God carried me through those times.  I sure didn't feel that at the time.  I was just plain angry at God and couldn't understand why he would put this baby and our young family through such tragedy.  I don't know what your belief system is and right now you are probably so angry that you will find it hard to believe in ANYTHING.  All I can tell you is that you will not always feel this gut wrenching pain.  If I was with you now, I would let you slap me as hard as you could, because I know that to you, during this trying time, you simply can't see my point.  And that is how most would feel right now. 

The only comfort I can give you now...time helps to heal our broken hearts.  I know that sounds like such crap, but time has helped me move FORWARD (I hate to say move ON, as I will never be over my loss) from my little girl's tragedy.  I am now able to remember the fun, happy, wonderful days that my daughter had and gave me.  I no longer only focus on the painful days that she lived before she passed.  I miss her daily, but I celebrate the life she had and that helps me.

My heart goes out to you, your aunt and your extended family.  Knowing that a loved one is dying is a horrible place to be, but you have the last days of your aunts life to reach out to her and let her know what she means to you.  Your aunt will leave this world knowing how important she was to you and to those that love her.

aimee

Please feel free to PM me if you ever need comfort.  I have been where you are right now and I have gone trough ever thing you are facing.  My thought and prayers are with you and your family.   

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OMG - it has been almost 5 years since my father died from a rare cancer.  He was a wonderful man and endured a lot in a valient effort to sustain his life.  When we were at his bedside allowing him to die when he took his last breath I lost it.  I cried and wailed and said I want to breathe life back into you.  I tried Dad, I tried to find something to help you.  Of course now here I am crying.  It's not easy.  Kris

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  • 4 weeks later...

My great Aunt, Kaleta May Hyslop-Young died in her sleep last thursday evening. I am terribly sad that I didn't get to see her before she died, she was supossed to have months left. But she was a Texan lady of the first water and she would not have wanted anyone to see her in the later stages of cancer...she was 97. She chose her time.  She wouldn't have wanted it any other way. She looked elegant and serene, sleeping, not dead, it was a little creepy. My Aunt Kaleta was always the personification of grace under fire. She was strong, beautiful, elegant and no-nonsense...She was a true southern lady and will be badly missed. But I'm glad that she didn't suffer to the last.

There is a statement "What would Jesus do?" for me it was always, "What would Kaleta do". I love her and miss her already, but still am glad she is out of pain.

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There is a statement "What would Jesus do?" for me it was always, "What would Kaleta do". I love her and miss her already, but still am glad she is out of pain.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kaleta, what a beautiful, strong name. I spent a long time in Texas. They do have a way with names in the South. That's a great gift that you have such a model for living well. I'm sorry for your loss (so trite, I know). I had to keep reminding myself while Bradley was dying, and after he died, that one of my core values is "death is the ultimate healing."

I will keep you in my thoughts as you grieve your Aunt, and again, please feel free to message me privately if you wish. It sounds like this isn't your first rodeo where death is concerned, so you know it's not everyone's cup of tea for discussion. But if you get the cold shoulder EVER, come here to us, because we know and we are *real* even if you can't see us.

Stay strong,

HB

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Hey Panz, I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. As she wished, you'll remember her in all her glory, right?

I bet you meant every bit as much to her as she so clearly does to you.

lily

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