Lamictal, Abilify, Adderall, and memory loss?

[movetheflow]

I've been taking Lamictal (150mg) for about a year and a half now, Abilify (10mg) for maybe 8 months, and Adderall (20mg XR and 10mg IR) for about a year. I'm prescribed the Lamictal and Abilify for depression, anxiety, and borderline. I take the Adderall because I was sleeping about 16 hours a day. I've always been pretty damn smart, and also fairly creative. The past year or so, I've been suffering. I feel stupid, just plain stupid, and my memory- BOTH short and long term- is shot. I'm suffering in school and in life in general. I feel like memories of mine have been erased, and I can't remember anything new worth a fuck. I used to be able to very easily write poetry, short stories, essays, and the like. Now, I can't think of anything. I just CAN'T THINK. All of my creativity is gone. This is so devastating to me. Now, I'm weaning off all of my medications and replacing them with Eastern medicine (acupuncture, herbal blends, tinctures, etc). I finally stopped taking Abilify a week ago and am actually not having very bad withdrawl symptoms except slight mood swings. Thankfully. My question is: will I ever be who I was before? Will my brain and my creativity ever come back? I'm so nervous that I'm stuck like this... That the medications have eaten a hole in my brain. Does anyone have any personal experiences with this? Thank you so much for reading all of this, and may today be one of those good days, Erin

[thebakerbunny]

not to be all vague, and ambiguous, and far out, man, but who were you before the before? you're still you, with or without a particular set of skills, always will be.

 

on the other hand, if you look, a lot of ADs and mood-stabilizers have something about causing "confusion" in the side effects list, and user reviews are loaded with evidence that the mental cloud and forgetfulness are common.

 

and on the other, other hand, I know. my memory has always been terrible (my mother told me when I was 19 that if I weren't so young, she really would think I had alzheimer's), but in the past year or so, it's become beyond an annoyance and has actually even impacted me at work. I can't even take it. and, pah, as for the lack of thoughts and creativity, I get super-paranoid, too, that I've gotten dumbdumbdumb, and can't do anything about it. i'm rather vain about my intelligence, i'll admit, so when I literally can think the rest of my way through a basic sentence, it makes me want to explode in tears.

 

here's the good news, though: our brains are big, stupid muscles. and you can therefore exercise the hell out of yours. really, the only way to lose your edge is by not using it. check out what a neural net is; if you can make sure that you're actively learning something all the time, you'll brain will reward you above and beyond. it sounds like shit, probably, but I feel like it's really true, despite the epic cheese of it all. I still have to force myself to read something sometimes (which is fucking NOT OKAY- I consider reading on the same level of basic needs as eating and sleeping), and right now, i'm all up in arms at myself for 100% completely forgetting about my older sister's bridal shower. I mean, how do you just "forget" something like that? so I'm making myself stop rushing around like a dick and focus on what I need to do, by 2 pm. it'll work out, or not, but at least i'm trying, I guess. strategy and implementation: just another thing to give my brain a workout today.

 

 we are not blank-thought idiots; besides even if we are, the rest of the world is still going to be, for the most part, much, much stupider.
 

[Dusk]

I am experiencing this and have made a couple of posts about it. I always have been very smart and my memory and learning skills are now shot. I can't explain how dumb I feel. I can't find words I'm looking for or remember definitions. It takes a long time to read and understand it.

 

 I thought it was the meds doing it to me and I stopped them for awhile, only to find that the cognitive skills were still bad. I don't really know what happened. I am in the process of finding some sort of learning program online to see if I can regain some skills.

[melissaw72]

I feel the same way, except it has been years like this (bad memory, cant' learn easily, etc).  I have tried going off medication for various reasons, but in the end regret going off of it all.  Holistic stuff (acupuncture, chiropractor, teas) never did anything for me.

 

Going off of meds didn't help to bring any memory back, or make me learn like I had in the past.  It just sent me further into psychological hell, so I ended up back on the meds.  Even though I wanted to be off of them, I did worse off of them.  You might not have withdrawal at this point, but it takes some meds a long time to completely get out of your system.  After they do is when you might feel the withdrawal from it.

 

Does you pdoc know you are going off your meds?

[crazynotstupid]

Yes, these meds have been known to cause cognitive issues.  If you are having severe cognitive issues you could always try swapping out meds.

 

However stopping meds for "alternative" therapies alone is not likely to be particularly effective.  You say you are already having mood swings.  Well, if you end up in a deep depression, not only are you unlikely to be very creative, you're unlikely to be able to do anything or want to do anything about it.

 

The medications did not eat a hole in your brain; psychiatric meds do not harm your brain.  However, untreated MI DOES.  Just consider that while you think about starting your journey into these "holistic" treatments.

[WinglessFaery]

I completely agree with crazynotstupid. Not too say that im against alternative medicine im not at all. But all the issues you are describing are just as commonly caused by depression itself than the medication if not more so.

I have bp but was diagnosed with depression first and was resistant too treatment. What my doc told me too change my mind was that there is a huge link between untreated depression and shrinkage of the cerebellum which leads too a greatly increased risked of alzhiemers and dementia later in life.

Unfortuantly i cant figure out how too link things from my phone or I would. I will try when im on a real computer. For now all I can say is that I was told that by my doctor lol.

[Artemisia]

I don't mean to offend you about your creativity, but prior to meds, are you sure that the quality of your work was better (as well as the quantity)? People with, say, mania can be extremely productive, but the output doesn't always have to be good (although it doesn't automatically have to be bad either).

Have you seen your primary care provider recently and been tested for stuff like hypothyroidism or anemia? Not everything is always the meds' fault, and meds are unlikely to help an underlying medical problems (unless by some extremely fortuitous side effect, but that would be a fluke).

 

I don't know where you live and how feasible this would be, but if your problems are so severe, perhaps you could get your pdoc (or another provider) to refer you for neuropsych testing.

 

Do you have any other symptoms? Again, I'd recommend seeing your PCP.

[Guest Recluse]

It might be time to see your PCP and discuss the problem with them.  I had to stop taking Lamictal for this reason, but there are other drugs that may not effect you the way that your current cocktail is.  There is NO REASON not to keep trying.

[dreamcatcher14]

I feel like memories of mine have been erased, and I can't remember anything new worth a fuck. I used to be able to very easily write poetry, short stories, essays, and the like. Now, I can't think of anything. I just CAN'T THINK. All of my creativity is gone. This is so devastating to me.

I just want to validate your feelings regardless of what caused your loss in memory/creativity. It can feel powerless to believe that your brain is deteriorating and there's nothing you can do about it.

I don't have the answer of whether creativity can come back but I think it can be nurtured, like any other quality. Remember to set aside some quiet time, space and materials to focus on your art.

Personally I struggle to keep appointments and get mind blanks often. I have a shit memory. I'm taking multi-vitamins and fish oil and I think they help. Fish oil also helps me with my depression and the vitamins keep my period regular and prevent muscle cramps. (I think the view that supplements are just expensive pee is only accurate in cases where you're taking the wrong ones or the wrong doses for your body.)

I don't think there is any harm in seeking other forms of treatment but it shouldn't be an "all or nothing" approach. Going off meds quickly is dangerous. My BP is too severe and treatment-resistant to be treated purely by "holistic" means. It needs a regime of exercise, social interactions, healthy diet, minimal alcohol, etc to work. That is the holistic approach!

I have a friend with BP and one with depression, neither who takes meds - they refuse. They are usually unhappy, unstable and all over the place. One can't work and has tried to commit suicide. The other is a loose cannon and almost went to jail for drunk driving. They make life difficult for their families too. However because it is not so severe they can "get away with it".

I wish you luck in your journey.

Edited March 17, 2013 by nightbutterfly

[Wonderful.Cheese]

Are you in therapy or doing DBT groups?

[Catnapper]

What's your mood like these days?  What you're talking about sounds a lot like depressive symptoms to me.  It's been my experience that if my mood sucks, everything else does, too. 

 

I'm also a proponent of alternative therapy, when used in conjunction with meds.  If you have been diagnosed with a mental illness, alternative therapy by itself isn't going to fix what's wrong.  Your doctor wouldn't have prescribed meds for you if they didn't think you need them, really, they're not all shills for big pharma. 

 

I hope you are keeping a mood chart while you're changing your meds and other treatment, it will help you figure out what's working.  As others mentioned, are you in therapy?  That's really helpful, too.  Good luck to you.

[shortcircuit]

Could the cognitive problems be related to the illness itself?

 

For me, Lamictal quieted the fast-moving thoughts and actually helped me concentrate. Adding Abilify has helped even more. The slight memory issues I felt on Lamictal seem to be reversed with Abilify. Could it be the doses?

[Luna-]

I also have a case of the stupids. I am studying and struggling with it. I think it is very difficult to tease out what is causing this - it could be MI causing deterioration (I was not dx'ed BP till 47 but had it since my early 20s, so its has had plenty of time to do a number on my brain), it could be the meds, Lamictin in particular. In my case it could also be aging (I'm 51). I don't think I am going to get to the bottom of mine. I think I just have to accept I am not as bright as I used to be. That's a tough one to swallow.

[arr]

I strongly relate to your feelings of brain fog, and while I've taken many different meds, they were all for a month or less. So, as others said, it might not be the meds at all. Depression just really fucks with your brain. Not to insinuate this is the case with your meds, but I feel my brain fog was magnified on every anti-depressant I ever took. Note, I also didn't have any noticeable benefits from those anti-depressants, so it was a no-brainer to quit them. 

 

Speaking of Adderall, I just started it a week ago and my brain feels noticeably less foggy. I have high hopes for it. Take that testimonial with a grain of salt though as it's marred by low sample size, confirmation bias, possible placebo effect, etc.