dreamcatcher14 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) Okay so I've said I'm going to meet up with some of my high school friends in the weekend. To clarify I mean people who thought they were too cool for me, treat me okay but would have nothing to do with me if it weren't for a couple that invite me to collective brunches once every few years. I have deleted some of them from my fb account but the rest are decent enough. The problem is I'm between jobs, without bf and still living at home with my mum. What could I possibly bring to the conversation to not feel like I haven't moved on with my life? Does anyone else feel like this when they meet ppl that they haven't seen for a while? Any moral support appreciated. Edited March 12, 2013 by nightbutterfly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic Maverick Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) ..... Edited January 23, 2016 by Manic Maverick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hagar Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I definitely feel that way. Most of the people I was friends with in high school have graduated college, have careers, have families of their own, etc. Honestly, if it were me and I had to see/hang out with these people again, I would just make sure to keep the conversation off of me. Maybe that's bad, I don't know. I would awkwardly avoid direct answers to their questions until they got it and stopped asking. I guess honesty could work, but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to go down that road. Could you talk about your hobbies or interests or any plans you may have for the future? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Perhaps you should look at the situation differently. You have nothing to prove to these people, they are merely passing through your life on a peripheral level. You can be proud that you have been fighting an illness. Be proud of yourself...they don't need to know this if you don't want them to. The other tactic is to focus on them. Just keep asking them questions about their lives. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpladybug Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 If you ask other people open ended questions about themselves there often will never be an opportunity for you to speak about yourself, sadly. People love to talk about themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A208B Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 You have nothing to prove to these people, they are merely passing through your life on a peripheral level. This kind of thinking helps me a lot when I feel insecure around peers who I feel are way more accomplished than I am. It really helps me to think of the moment I'm in, except five years from now: Will anyone be thinking about it, even me? Will it be important at all, or will the story of my life have unfolded so as to make this moment insignificant? But on a more practical level, I would just steer the conversation away from any status-slinging and into more subjective territory, if I could. I'm sure there are subjects you're knowledgeable about; you don't have to be successful--whatever that means--to be a good conversationalist. Hopefully, the anticipation will be the hardest part and everything else will be smooth sailing. I hope you have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifequake Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I can relate to this. It is all too easy to compare oneself to old friends and acquaintances, especially when those friends are in med school, engaged, having children, traveling the world, etc. I like to pick one or two positive things in my life to highlight briefly and then spend the rest of the time genuinely listening to other people talk about their lives. For example, I might mention a hobby, some books I've been reading, or some aspects of my job. I also remind myself that I am on my own life path, and that that is okay. If these old friends care about you, then they aren't going to be critically judging you. You are likely your own harshest critic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinglessFaery Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I just wanted too say that I relate too this big time. I dont have any answers I just avoid these people like the plauge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamcatcher14 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 Wow thanks guys, am totes feeling the love. Ok so I got in my collective toolbox now: - Stick to the subjective topics rather than status-slinging - Deflect from uncomfortable questions - Distract by asking open-ended questions - show an interest in other people's lives - Focus on hobbies/interests: eg) yoga, swimming - Stretch the truth so that "it's complicated" becomes "seeing someone", "living at home" becomes "saving money for travels and study", and "between jobs" becomes, well, I just list the last job I had (which I finished up only last Friday anyway), etc. I love MM's suggestion of simply making that shit up - if only I was braver and more imaginative! And last but not least: - Don't be your own harshest critic - Recognise that these people are just passing through your life on a peripheral level - See the story of my life as unfolding so as to make this present moment insignificant Thanks guys, you've really helped me shift the emphasis to stressing about it to having a little fun with it. Will let you know how it goes too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I just want to say I can relate to this too. Sometimes it is best for me just to turn down an invitation because I have really nothing interesting to talk about. If I do end up going somewhere, I'm at the point in my life where if people don't like what I do or other aspects of my life, then they aren't worth keeping as friends. Sometimes it is these situations that can tell your friends from the assholes. Also, I find, for example, if I was in a conversation with someone, deflecting topics and comments their way, it always comes back around to me at one time or another. So for me, doing things that take the spotlight off me usually always ends up (at one point or another) coming back to what I do, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamcatcher14 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 This is just a (anti-climactic) follow-up I wanted to share. I chickened out and didn't end up going that Sunday because I was not in a good place at the time. I didn't get to sleep until 3am the night before and felt shit and ugly and out of it so I really didn't feel like subjecting myself to any form of comparison that morning. On average I go to these things once a year so I'll be safe for a while and have all this excellent advice to take from next time . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isthisit? Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 what makes you think their lives are that cool anyways?, for all you know it could be a massive front. My sister was the popular type, the looks, the friends, the social life and I can tell you see still had her problems/insecurities/down days/bad friends. if it makes you feel better then hire/borrow some nice clothes and borrow someone's car for the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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