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they told me to find some support...voila?

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Hellooooo.  Yes.  I am fully aware that it is about 5:20 am EST, but this and that and chocolate and then that happened and then gahhhh and then I found this website.


Then I could not figure out the security question, so I had to link my twitter account, but I just post stream-of-consciousness panexiety attacks.  Based on the attention my tweets receive, it appears that people find my existential battles with reality quite entertaining.  Regardless, I do have a pipe dream of becoming a writer or some sort of professional blogger, so I assume people's pleasure at my pain comes with the territory.  I mean, look at all of the great artists in all media? 

I am so sorry for that micro ramble.  I ate a chocolate protein bar, which apparently is a bad idea if you have adolescent BP (cusp!  I am on the cusp!).  In fact, maybe writing my intro at 5:20 am EST while manicky off chocolate is not the greatest idea.  But I can't sleep so what choice have I?  (Sorry for the Twilight quote- I swear I hate it; I watch it for the feminist irony)

I took 2mg klonopin appx. An hour ago and I chewed 1mg up reeeeaaaall tiny and the other mg I crushed but then remembered the sublingual trick and yet SLEEP IS FOR THE


I am so sorry.


This is not me.


I am actually nearing the end of a nervous breakdown months in the making.


I have been diagnosed with bipolar NOS since age 14.


I come from two abusive families: an emotionally abusive, brainwashing alcoholic bipolar father who had a stroke when I was six, and a severely emotionally abusive recovering alcoholic stepfather who's almost 400 days sober thanks to my last hospital visit...and the subsequent cps case workers banging on the doors.  My mother is an ADHD codependent enabler (a trait which has thankfully passed on to me /disdain), and my three brothers and I follow the typical dysfunctional family paradigm. 


I was diagnosed with [insert life-threatening illness here] in elementary school and had to be homeschooled for a year.  This led to severely awkward attachment issues with my mother and a worsening in my stepfather's already rampant alcoholism.  I also missed about a year's worth of school, which ain't spit compared to the detrimental social effects that constant hospital visits and adult company, along with otherwise total isolation from peers had on me developmentally.


Therefore, after two years of chemo, three years of bullying, four years of SI and five years of depression, I finally got the cajones to ask my mom to see my fourth therapist. She referred me to a psychiatrist who battered me to death with tests and questionnaires to gain more objective perspective of what was going on in my scrambled white matter.


So here I am, diagnosed with BP, ADHD and PTSD.  They have speculated BPD and OCD but I know
mania, thank you, and I am only OCD when I am on some sort of amphetamine. And I am here to wage war on the Oxford Comma.

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Hello MomoGucciKush. Welcome to CB. Dysfunctional families are a bitch alright. Good luck wth the writing; you express yourself well by the way. There are a lot of interesting, intelligent people here and I think you'll like it. Take care and i'll see you around.

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Hello MomoCucciKush and Welcome to CB!  If you haven't already done so, we suggest you take a look at the User Agreement to familiarize yourself with the site:  http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/6642-user-agreement-updated-28th-sept-2012/


You do write very well and I hope you find the support and information you're looking for here.

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