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Hi, I'm SilentLoofa74.


I don't have an official diagnoses of a mental illness. After grandly losing touch with reality, I was once given antidepressants and an antipsychotic. However the pills destroyed my personality and made me feel like killing myself. Therefore I now use no prescription antidepressants or anything like that. And my psychiatrist is ok with that. He told me it was my choice.


This looks like a good site. I like how it feels relaxed and honest so far.


My mind has high-quality audio and video features. I often have a song playing in my head. I remember faces vividly. Sometimes I close my eyes and scroll around on a map similar to Google Earth. My mind is like a computer. Speech can be a very frustrating way to communicate, because I am often aware of far more than I could possibly put into words. It is very soothing to be around people who seem to think in similar ways as I do. Then words can be powerful because few are needed since our understandings match up closely.


Even so, I like listening to and learning languages. I just hope I don't overdo it and forget how to speak English. I like to think that isn't possible. However, I was successful at taking the word "tomato" and having it mean what "door" usually means. That experiment scared me for a while. I don't think "tomato" stopped meaning the vegetable, but it then meant the vegetable or the thing you open and go through, depending on the context. I think it a better use of time and mental energy to absorb new foreign words rather than redefine English words. I currently like German, Russian, Greek, Arabic, Swedish, and Latvian. I like German better than English and sometimes think it unfortunate that I must use English so much.


I have bizarre sleeping habits. I have slept 10 or more hours per night for a lot of my life. About 16 hours in one night (and of course most of the next day) is my record. Right now it's like I have non-24 disorder. I sleep 1 to 11 hours at a time. I have recently gone to bed at 5 AM, 6 AM, 8:30 AM, about 10 AM, 10 PM, midnight, 1 AM, and 3 AM. I might do the same thing two days in a row and expect the third day to follow suit only to be proved wrong. Sleeping is like winning some kind of lottery. If I can sleep, it is a blessing. I don't know when I'll sleep or how long I'll sleep. When I do sleep, it is very restful.



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Hi and welcome to our happy home.


Please be sure to read the rules when you get a chance: it avoids misunderstandings later on.


It's a shame your sleep is so disrupted because there have been a lot of studies on sleep:  people who don't have a regular sleep pattern have a lot of difficulty thinking logically and performing daily tasks.  I hope you will see a mental health professional and consider getting treatment.


See you around the boards!



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Hi Silent. Welcome to CB!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on languages and how you think with us - it was very interesting (and I don't mean that in a patronising way). I know a bit of Italian which is a beautiful language and I love learning it... and I feel that English is not a very sexy language.

Thanks for sharing some of your story with us. I try to be open-minded and non-judgmental about the choice to not take medication because I've been through a severe denial phase myself (when I was first diagnosed/medicated) when I found it hard to accept my (psychotic) experiences were not "valid". I thought I could get better and shake my symptoms without directly addressing the chemical imbalance in my brain. I'm still struggling to come to terms with being on an AAPs but I finally accept I need to be on them long-term, at least until I've been stable for long enough to satisfy my pdoc.

As long as you don't go imposing any unrealistic ideals on others or implying lifestyle choices are responsible for psychiatric illnesses you'll be fine :).

Also sleep is fundamental to mental health. I hope if you focus on addressing your sleep patterns that you can feel better soon.


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