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Is this a mild depression episode?


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I think about suicide (Though I doubt I'd go through with it) when i am alone, I feel like I'm in a slump, I feel brain fog, and I just can't stand myself. I cry at night. BUT it does not feel like my other depression episodes. My stomach was clenched and so was my chest. I was constantly crying and drowning my sorrows in depressing music. I was in AGONIZING suicidal pain. So would you considered this a mild depression episode or am I just heading down to it? Sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm kinda tired.

Edited by Bipolar_Flower
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I've had mild depressive episodes and moderate-to-severe depressive episodes, and what you're describing sounds more like the latter to me. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Can you get in contact with your psychiatrist or therapist and tell them how you're feeling?

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What you're describing sounds a lot like what my version of a "mild" depression tends to look like. In that sense, it's really relative to your severe episodes, but a depression that results in suicidal ideation definitely needs to be brought up with your doctor(s) regardless of how you might individually rate its severity. I hope you're able to start feeling better soon. 

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I notice you're titrating up your Lamictal. That has worked as an anti-depressant for me even on lower doses and might give you similar relief.

That said though you really need to be communicating this with your pdoc and other relevant health professionals. A good starting point would be printing out your initial post.

It sounds like moderate depression as you've experienced worse relatively speaking and subjectively does not sound mild. But I'm no doctor so you can ignore that speculation. As pointed out if you are feeling suicidal even if you are not serious warning bells should be sounding in your mind that you need some extra support and help.

Keep us posted.

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Okay so my depression is a lot worse today. probably moderate. Good news is I am avoiding depressing music-as it will totally make it worse. I feel hopeless. Like I don't even care anymore about anything. And my face and head feel this pressure-you know like when your sick but... not. I can't see my psyche till a few weeks from now (I saw her a week ago-and yes I was depressed at the time but I didn't think it was related at the time-and see her monthly). I'll make it though I have no doubt about that. I just feel like depressed and miserable. I won't kill myself or anything I promise.

Edited by Bipolar_Flower
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sometimes my hypomania can lead me to feel this depressive thing.  I get really dramatic and listen to moody music and it's kinda like

 

a depressive shift but my therapist and I are pretty sure it's more me acting on an impulse. I dress in black and pretend I'm one of the

 

undead. It's super weird and kinda embarrassing to admit. I thought this info could be useful for you as just an idea. What you

 

describe defiantly sounds like depression. I'm just saying your mood swings aren't always what they seem haha!

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I'm sorry you're feeling this way.  It does sound like you're on the "depression scale".  Like A208B said, the severity of this episode really depends on how depressed you've been before.  Regardless, you are suffering and, for me, that means calling my pdoc.  I saw that you were trying to get into a therapist and that is great...I hope you get into see him/her soon.  In the meantime, I would also call your pdoc and give them a heads up about how bad you're feeling.

 

Take care.

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