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How do I tell my parents...


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...that all I can think about is suicide. I have had discussions with them about it before, but that was when they noticed that I wasn't acting like myself. I was also a lot more fucked up then than I am now (so far?) so I don't really have much memory of how any of the conversations went. I don't know, I'm getting so messed up and I don't know what to do. can't even go to school

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I would suggest writing them a letter if you can't speak to them in person about it.  I find I have a much easier time writing out my feelings than speaking them on the spot.  Maybe that will make it a little easier on you.

 

Also, I agree with possible IP or maybe a day program or something.  It seems you could use extra help and support right now if it's keeping you from school.  I'd talk to your pdoc or doctor about it and let them know how severe the thoughts are getting for you.  Maybe even bring your parents with you and have the doctor explain things to them?  Sometimes having a professional there can help the process go smoother.

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Is there any reason that you are afraid to tell them?  Do they not react well to things like this?

 

It's just hard for me to bring up. They have--through me and a few other family members, then reading, etc.--learned a lot  about MI and its complications and stuff, but sometimes I still find it hard to bring up. My mother asked me just a bit ago on the phone if I was feeling ok, I just said I've been feeling like "crap" emotionally/mentally but I find it hard to go beyond that for some reason.

 

Another problem I've always had is gauging how abnormal/severe certain behaviours, thoughts, etc. are in myself. Like I don't know when I should say, "Hey, I need to go IP" because I don't know if what I am experiencing is severe enough... if that makes any sense? I don't know what kind of help I need or should ask for. 

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I think it would be helpful to write it out.  Stream of consciousness kind of stuff.  Also print out your post here.  It defeinitely sounds like you need to go IP.  If you feel uncomfortable talking then just print out your thoughts/feelings and hand them to your parents and then to the good folks at IP.

 

Good luck.  I hope you get the help you need.

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I think if you don't know what kind of help to ask for then you should turn to your parents and treatment team to help you decide. If you don't have an actual plan and date of suicide yet, you may not need IP. If you do, please talk to your pdoc about going IP. That's when it gets severe. If you are in imminent danger to yourself or others. That's when IP is needed.

 

You are very lucky to have parents that are educated about MI and are willing to help you. I got ignored as a kid and teenager. I had no help and no meds. I love my parents and I try to get over that fact but it still hurts me.

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How has it gone with talking to your parents? Do you know why you find it so hard to talk to them? Perhaps this communication issue is something you could talk to a therapist about.

I don't know what kind of help I need or should ask for.

Asking for help is a skill which takes some people their whole lives to learn but one which is well worth acquiring. Who do you feel more comfortable talking to? Your parents, a therapist or one of the treatment team? Find someone who you trust to help you because your feelings sound acute if you are not going to school and you do need some help. You also need professional input as to whether you should be treated as an IP.

Edited by nightbutterfly
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I never talked with them about it; I seem to go through phases of 1-5 days where I feel all of this "acute" awfulness... then it passes only to come back again sometime in the near future. I started getting out of the house more, and even went and stayed with my grandparents about 65 miles away for a few days. I felt pretty shitty there, but once I came back I felt better.

I've had times where I'm full of suicidal thoughts for months, so whenever one of these little phases begins I have no idea what it will become, if that makes sense? I don't know if it'll be a short episode or something or if it'll drag out longer like it has before. At least when I'm in that deep suicidal depression for an extended period of time it's more technical stability than these "waves" of suicidal depression. I don't quite know what to make of those at all. 

Maybe they keep coming back because I brush it off whenever they end instead of thinking of a way to deal with them. I don't know. I just can't figure out how to make them go away.

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