Back again... failing at life, again.

[Sras]

I have been unmedicated for 16 months. In that time I ended a toxic relationship and started a good one. I have been working a full time job that gives me 6 days off each fortnight, but I work hard for those 6 days. All this when I never thought I could do any better, never thought any one else would ever love me and was lead to believe that if I couldn't hold a full time job, that was ok.

 

In the last year I've suffered through house mates who made it clear that I had no say in anything in the house and wasn't really welcome, as well as harassment at work. Things are good now, I've moved into a new position at work that is boring as all hell, but the team is nice and am now living in a nice place with bf. 

 

The last couple of days I've crashed pretty hard. Needed a bit of time in bed. Bf doesn't understand, how could he? He hasn't been through this. He takes it personally when I cry constantly and can't get out of bed. If I can't smile, he doesn't want to. He wants me to get better. He asks when I'll get better. If I'll be better tomorrow. When I can't stop crying he tells me he feels bad, and all I want to do is tell him I feel like dying, but I can't even speak. Today he told me I just needed to force myself to do things and I'd get better. He did... He recovered from his short term, situational depression when he started doing things. I've been some form of depressive crazy for 16 years... Pretty sure it's not going away any time soon and if I force myself too much I'll be headed for a break down...again.

 

I love my bf. He's everything. So how do I explain what I'm going through? How do I help him understand?

Edited March 23, 2013 by Sras

[Sras]

Just found the Stanford vid... may have answered the question.

Edited March 23, 2013 by Sras