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I'm not sure if it even pertains to what depression is, I get a lot of symptoms that are common with depression, such as fatigue, headaches, etc, but the thing is, If I wasn't angry, I don't think I'd be depressed.

 

My anger stems from broken social connections with people, or being disheartened with people not wanting to interact with me, but it also stems from me being disappointed with a lot of people in my life (including myself).

 

I don't know how to get out of the rut, I exercise everyday, and it feels good for a while, but I feel like all of my work towards that isn't filling the void in my life that is human interaction. I guess my problem with people is, is that I can find a flaw in someone that disgusts me with them, to the point that I'd rather be alone, angry and depressed, than fake liking them.

 

It seems that when I try to make the best out of compramised relationships, the past always destroys whatever progress I think has been made.

 

I'm kind of at a loss of what to do.

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If you aren't seeing a therapist, that might be a good place to start.  Sometimes it helps to have the perspective of another person, in order to figure out what is going on in your life that is not working.

 

olga

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My Tdoc said that maybe my depression was the incorect path of chanaling my anger. I was chanaling it to myself not to the persons who caused me the anger to begin with.  I think he is on to something, for me disapointment often is masked by hurt and disapointment in many pepple (like you said, I am normaly my #1 person). I think a Tdoc is a good place to start.

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I relate alot to what you said, 27... From my experience, I used to --what's the word--project, my own issues onto other people... Like whatever I saw in them that I didn't like was because I had it in myself too but wouldn't recognize it or acknowledge it.  I try to be mindful of that now and be aware of when I might be doing it.

 

Also, I used to tend to think in just black and white as a result of childhood abuse and trauma...all people were either good or bad and if one thing showed up that was 'bad' I was done with them. It took me a super long time to see that people are a mix of good and bad and you need to decide how bad is enough to be done with them... Being abused, I wasn't able to set boundaries so I'd just say Fuck it, and walk away from relationships altogether...Now that I've done therapy for enough time, I can for the most part, function ok with telling good people from bad...but not in the area of a 'personal' relationship like dating or marriage...know what I mean?  Like I can figure out how to get along with people and if they're cool or not for work or hanging out with, but as far as dating, I have absolutely no sense.lol I'm still working on that one...lol

 

The thing about anger too, which I've had to really drum into my head, is that--and there's some stupid quote--that it corrupts the vessel that holds it...or something like that. So if you're holding onto all that anger and hostility, it's not hurting anyone but you and you don't wanna do that...You have to look after yourself and find a way to care for yourself.


Hope that helps :)

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