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I doubt that I turned out the way my parents expected me to or thought I would. I am adopted and before being adopted, they told my adoptive mother that I would have a chance of getting a mental illness. My adoptive mother went on to adopt my sister and I. My sister has turned out fine. She does not have a mental illness. I am the one that got the fucked up genetic jackpot. Today, my mother was making fun of me because I am extremely scared of making mistakes. She pretended to be me and she mocked me. Today, I yawned and my dad made fun of me, and went on about how my life is so easy. Then I told my dad that I am thirsty all the time and he said in a rude tone of voice that it's probably because I am pre-diabetic. 

 

I think that my parents thought that I would turn out fine. I even went to college and got my A.S. degree. Now I have been to the psych ward 3 times and I am on disability. I am so tired of being misunderstood. 

 

I feel worthless. I am ugly, fat, stupid, worthless. I don't even know what the point of life is anymore. I am also tired of feeling tired all the time. I also feel hopeless and helpless. 

 

If you have low self-esteem, how do you all deal with it?

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Hmmm, well it seems quite obvious why you have self-esteem issues. Your parents don't sound very validating or nurturing. As for what to do about it...Do you have a good tdoc you can talk to about how you feel about yourself? That would be one place to start. Something else I used to do was for every negative thought I had about myself, I needed to replace it with a positive one. And nothing is more painful than praising yourself when you have low self-esteem :P  I just wanted to chime in here and interrupt the thoughts that are telling you that you are worthless etc. You are a valuable human being with a lot to offer. Try to hang around with people who see that about you.

 

Also, are you living with your parents? Any chance of moving out?

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I agree with mal, above me.

It sounds like you're in a negative living situation. Being mentally ill and going to college is not easy, and congratulations on the degree.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help with the negative thoughts. You can join an outpatient group or buy a book like one from Dr David Burns. I have two copies of "The Feeling Good Handbook". I'm pretty sure you can get it through the Crazystore.

You need someone to validate that you aren't what you think you are. A good support system to show you that you can do things. It sounds like you're surrounded with negativity, which is not your fault.

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It is no wonder you have low self esteem. I agree with mal too. Any way you can get on housing and move out?

Congrats on getting your degree too. Not many with a serious MI can do that! That is something to be very proud of. Give yourself a pat on the back for that one.

I just want to reiterate that you are a valuable and worthwhile person.

Take care.

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I had to quit college a couple years ago. Currently, I do not work and I do not go to school. I am only on disability. I am living with my parents. My mom told me that if I move out, I would need to live in an assisted care facility since I don't do anything on my own. When I am on my own, I barely cook anything. I don't do laundry or shower, etc. 

 

Thank you all for the nice thoughts too. I really appreciate them. 

 

I will definitely check out the crazy store. It sounds like it has a lot to offer. :)

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It would be nice if you got a little more support at home.

Is there anything that you can do pro-active? Just baby steps like cleaning or something similar that takes it off your parents plate. The fact that you are posting here seems like you can take steps like that.

I like the suggestion that you join an out patient group. That might give you a peer group that can help you.

If you do have a therapist, I would definitely talk about what you can do to have a more mutually supportive relationship with your parents.

Where is your sister in all this. You mentioned her by not very much.

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Thanks. Well, I post on forums and I try to get excersise, but I am tired all the time. I am also trying to eat healthier. 

 

I go to a day program 2 days per week, but I hate it. 

 

My sister and I don't get along very well. She thinks it's all a joke and that I'm lazy. She honestly doesn't understand me, so, I don't bother talking to her about it. 

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I am not an expert in these things so take anything that I say with a grain of salt.

Possibly talk to the the folks who run the day program privately. Tell them you are not succeeding as a result of your participation. Ask them if they can give you some pointers because I bet they have dealt with this challenge before. Worth a try. It shows them that you are trying. It's the ole trip of 1000 miles begins with a single step approach.

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I'm sorry the day program isn't feeling helpful at the moment. 

Even if you DID go to an assisted living place (I don't know if you actually need help with skills or just confidence) they would have the aim of encouraging you to develop skills so you can be independent, and it doesn't sound like your parents are being supportive. 

 

If you could do anything with your life, what would you do? Do you have any goals or dreams for the future?

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Guest Vapourware

My parents are very similar. Lots of invalidating comments from them.

 

I like the idea of trying to do more things around the house. Little things, to build your confidence.

Edited by Vapourware
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My parents do not believe in mental illness at all. They think ppl with MI are posessed by the devil. They are idiots.

My mom always was abusive and ruined my self esteem (which I still have issues with). But one day I decided, screw all this, I'm going to start doing things for myself, things that I want to do. Congrats on getting your degree! That's awesome girl! I started by getting my associates degree. That gave me some confidence that I CAN do things. I went on to get my bachelors degree.

I just took baby steps and I'm still working everyday on the self esteem and constant negative thinking.

Think about what you want to do with your life. What are your interests? Take things one step at a time and you'll realize that you actually are a beautiful, awesome person. It's just hidden in you right now, but believe me, it's there :)

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