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Blogs are down so here's my fucking rant


bluechick
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DH is pissing me the fuck off.  We have a number of things going on that are stressing us out (well, mostly him.  I don't stress out too easily anymore).  We just bought a new puppy for my mom's birthday/retirement.  We don't deliver the puppy until Saturday.   So we have to take care of him for two days.  We also are doing Easter this Sunday.  We're losing Saturday because we are spending the whole day at my parents.  So we have to get shit done before then.  Fine.  No problem. 

 

I had promised DH earlier in the week that I would get the house clean during the week to lighten his stress-load a little bit (he has a lot of homework to do and is swamped at work).  Well he and I both started cleaning tonight when our youngest son decides to have a monumental meltdown.  He has been tired today because the puppy woke him up early.

 

Since nobody else seemed to be tending to the child (DH just kept cleaning) I took my son upstairs to my office so he could calm down.  He spent the next hour or so calming down (yes, it took that long).  And since I had nothing better to do I decided to just goof around.  I really couldn't do anything else because I couldn't leave my office without the little one having another meltdown.  I couldn't get him ready for bed early without him having a meltdown.  I was trapped.  So I made the best of it and goofed around on CB.  Whoop-di-fuckin'-do.

 

And then we had a fight tonight.  Apparently, when DH is stressed out I have to suffer for it.

 

Below is a blog entry I just furiously wrote on MS Word.  I"m posting it here because the blogs are temporarily down.  Some of it may seem disjointed or out of context but whatever.  I'm not sure what I"m looking for by posting this.  Maybe just some sympathy.  Anyone who wants to bitch-slap me with some solid advice is more than welcome to do so.  You don't even need to be gentle.  But don't be surprised if I get all bitchy in response.

 

 

 

God damn it, I’m so angry!!!!  It feels like whenever he gets stressed out I turn into the bad guy (so to speak).  He first had the fucking nerve to ask me if I was having an emotional affair.  Seriously?  An emotional affair?  I am one of the most loyal people you would ever meet.  I have been cheated on both emotionally and physically.  I would never do that to another living soul.  And he knows that.  But he also knows that he is not satisfying my need for physical and emotional intimacy.  So apparently he's feeling a little guilty and is more than just a little insecure.

 

Apparently, I stare at my phone too much so he feels that maybe I'm having an affair with someone.  *rolls eyes*  Fine!  Just say that you would like me off the phone!  Instead, he chooses to get all condescending in front of other people by saying that he's going to take my phone away.  Or he's going to ground me.  Just ask me nicely to put my phone away.  I have no problem with that.

 

And then he was complaining that I didn’t help clean today.  I started cleaning when you asked me to and our son had a fucking emotional breakdown.  I took him upstairs to my office to calm him down.  If you didn’t want me to do that, then say something!  Not hours later when we are getting ready for bed.  Tell me at that moment!  Bitching to me after the fact is retarded.

 

And then he complained about having to take care of the puppy.  The puppy that is going to be here for two days before he goes to my mom’s house.  He has barely said a word about me doing anything about the puppy today.  He asked me to clean up dog poop and I did.  He asked me to take the dog outside to go potty and I did.  Then he started bitching about the dog wandering around the house at night so I said I would close the bedroom door.  He said that wasn’t good enough.  I asked him what he wanted and he said for me to get the dog over to my side of the bed.  So I did that and he kept bitching that that wasn’t good enough.  So I repeated myself – what do you want me to do?  So then he says that he wants me to put the dog on the bed.  So I do that.  And then he complains that he is doing everything for the dog and that it appears that the dog is “not on [my] radar”.  WTF?  I asked a simple question.  What do you want me to do?  And he just kept giving me the run around.  And when I did exactly what he asked, he just kept on complaining.

 

And then he starts telling me what he thinks I’m feeling and why he thinks I might not be doing something or other.  I DON’T CARE what you think of my motivations!  If you want the house cleaned then tell me what you want and when you want it done!  It will get fucking done.  He tells me that he doesn’t feel that I’m tuned in.  That I’m checking out.  That I’m not “stepping up”.  Fuck you.  I work out of the house all day.  I’m up at 6:00 a.m. and I get back at 5:00.  If you want me to do something between 5:00 and 8:00 (before the little one needs to get ready for bed) then SAY SOMETHING! I’m not a god damn mind reader.  And if you don’t want me to tend to our son who is having a breakdown then SAY SOMETHING! 

 

He even had the nerve to tell me that I could have been cleaning my office while our son was calming down rather than being on CB.  It’s my fucking office!  So then he says that it’s our house and it needs to be cleaned.  Again, it’s my office.  It can be as messy or as clean as I want it to be.  Also, have you looked at your office recently?  It looks like a bomb exploded in there.  You’re being a hypocrite.

I’m fucking exhausted from my day and this is the shit I’m getting.  I need to go to sleep and now I’m all riled up.  FUCK!

 

This is soooooo not my issue.  I'm sorry if you're getting emotionally frail.  I'm sorry that you all of a sudden seem to be having issues about abandonment.  Give me some fucking credit.  I am a goddamned great spouse!  When you weren't all stressed out last week, you realized that.  But now I'm tuned out and having an affair.  Jesus!

 

ETA:  After discussing the intimacy issues with my tdoc, I decided a few weeks ago to take the reigns, stop complaining, and just trying to promote intimacy.  I try to pay him at least one compliment every day.  I try to express one gratitude towards him every day.  I leave him notes.  I send him cards.  I cuddle up to him.  I steal kisses aggressively.  I steal hugs.  I'm playful and flirtatious.  So far, although he has noticed that I'm doing these things, he has simply not responded much.  He claims it's because he feels sick (he does have legitimate health problems).  Fine.  I'll give you that.  But I persevere so that you can feel special and loved and attractive and sexy and whatever else you need as a spouse. 

 

I am putting in all this fucking work, getting little to nothing back and I'm now being accused of having an affair.  AN AFFAIR!  You haven't fucked me in three months.  It's not my problem that you feel guilty about that.  I haven't ever cheated on another human being and I do not ever intend to no matter who I am with.  I would give you the courtesy of 1) giving you the opportunity to fix things or 2) giving you the respect of leaving your sorry ass before I ever defile our relationship by touching another human soul.  And, yes, this includes emotional affairs of any kind.

 

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Edited by bluechick
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You know what I hate?  Being accused of possibly doing something that I would never, ever, ever, ever do.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Should I feel insulted?  Certainly hurt.  But what else?  Anyone ever had this happen before?

 

DH asked me tonight if I was having an emotional affair.  Personally, I think he's feeling guilty for not meeting my intimacy needs.  Regardless of his motivations in asking such a ludicrous thing, he KNOWS I would never do that to him or to anyone.   I've been cheated on multiple times.  I could never bring that kind of pain on anyone, even those I hate.  I just couldn't cause that kind of pain.

 

I know I should feel sympathy for him but really I'm just beyond hurt.  Really angry.  But other than that I can't really define my feelings.  I'm feeling something else for sure but I don't know what it is.  I have a massive lump in my throat that only shows up when I'm feeling an emotion that I can't put into words.

 

Someone help me out here.  What do you think you would feel in this situation?

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He has barely said a word about me doing anything about the puppy today. He asked me to clean up dog poop and I did. He asked me to take the dog outside to go potty and I did.

Um, so since it's clear it was your idea to get the puppy, you should take responsibility for it. And not have to be reminided to do things like take it outside or clean up after it when it goes to the bathroom. Those are things that should be obvious, and in my mind, you don't deserve a cookie for complying when someone asks you to do things you should already be doing.
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He has barely said a word about me doing anything about the puppy today. He asked me to clean up dog poop and I did. He asked me to take the dog outside to go potty and I did.

Um, so since it's clear it was your idea to get the puppy, you should take responsibility for it. And not have to be reminided to do things like take it outside or clean up after it when it goes to the bathroom. Those are things that should be obvious, and in my mind, you don't deserve a cookie for complying when someone asks you to do things you should already be doing.

First of all, please understand that this was all a rant.  Secondly, he was reminding me to do things I was already doing.  I was already cleaning up poop.  He nagged me about it after it was done.  I was taking care of the dog's potty needs.  He was nagging me about it after it was done.  I'm not asking for a cookie.  I'm asking him to shut the hell up about things that are already getting done.

 

Also, it wasn't my idea to get the puppy for my mom.  It was his.  And he's taking all the credit for it with my mom.

He has barely said a word about me doing anything about the puppy today. He asked me to clean up dog poop and I did. He asked me to take the dog outside to go potty and I did.

Um, so since it's clear it was your idea to get the puppy, you should take responsibility for it. And not have to be reminided to do things like take it outside or clean up after it when it goes to the bathroom. Those are things that should be obvious, and in my mind, you don't deserve a cookie for complying when someone asks you to do things you should already be doing.

And, seriously, he accuses me of having an emotional affair and all you are focusing on is my duty to tend to the dog's potty needs?  That's kind of fucked up.

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It was in the post. If it's not important, leave it out?

I have no basis for understanding your relationship with your husband. I'm not sure I even understand fully the concept of an "emotional affair". So no, not gonna comment on something I don't understand.

[OMG, NO WAY!]

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It was in the post. If it's not important, leave it out?

I have no basis for understanding your relationship with your husband. I'm not sure I even understand fully the concept of an "emotional affair". So no, not gonna comment on something I don't understand.

[OMG, NO WAY!]

Haha.  I get it.

 

An emotional affair is often in the form of an internet affair.  It can involve simply becoming very, very emotionally intimate with someone.  Each of you shares your deepest secrets.  Things you should only be discussing with your significant other.  There may even be sexting or sharing of intimate pictures.

 

An emotional affair could also be in person.  You do everything you would do in an affair but there is none of the physical aspects of the affair.  No sex.  No kissing.  Etc.

 

It's a really tricky subject for some people.  While it is recognized by most people as being a violation of a relationship, it is often justified by the offender with the excuse of "well I'm not having sex with him/her." 

 

Basically, you go outside of the relationship to have your emotional needs met.

 

And sorry I snapped at you.  I'm very emotional tonight.

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