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Feel like I am going crazy.... Help....!

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I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Sever Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Slight OCD, and Mood Disorder.  I also have trouble sleeping, and when these sleep cycles hit where I cannot sleep I wind up with major Panic Attacks.  They have tried all kinds of medicine, but I am currently on Celexa 40mg, XanaX 2 X 2mg a day as needed, Lithium, Seraquil,  Propranolol (low blood pressure med, so I don;t have a heart attack from panic attack in my sleep)... 


I have been under a lot of work pressure and in fact it was a blessing I got fired today for doing what was right (long story)  But I was very releaved.  I am having major financial stress and worry about paying for medication and my high risk health pool rates.  My Mom helps me pay for these.  I feel bad b/c she is retirement age and struggling....but I have no other options.  My spouse ignores me and is not affectionate to me b/c I am no longer the strong person (mentally) that I use to be.  Also I had gotten laid off from a really great job where I made great money.  My job along with 11,000 where moved overseas.  SO I am blamed for all of our financial problems.


My mom and spouse do not understand what it is like haveing these mental conditions.  And b/c of that I get no support, and I have no support from any friends.  I feel so alone in this world.


Recently the panic attacks have really gotten bad.  I don't freak out mentally, at least on the outside.  I keep feeling that I am about to die.  And the worst one is I feel that I am absolutely going totally insane.  It is completely wearing me down.  On top of the feelings I get various physical symptoms.  It almost feels like the panic attack is on going and never really stops.  I get some relef from it... the Xanax really helps for 4 hours, but I really need to be prescribed 3 a day... my doctor doesn't want to do that.  I feel terrified most of the time.  I also feel that I am in unreality.  This is horrible to live like this.... and sometime when I get the feeling I am going to die, I just wish I would....  I cannot take it....


Is there anything at all I can do to get some relief from these panic attacks?  Can panic attacks just perpetually go on like this...???  Also a lot of the time I get freezing cold feet when this is all happening...  I am so desperate... any advice would help....  I just know I cannot go on like this... It is completely wearing me down....   A lot of time the Panic Attacks also have bad episodes of depression with them.... 


I just feel all alone in this world... If anybody can give me some suggestions... I would appreciate it more than I could ever express....

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Hi Ricky,

I have lived with PA's for like, ever really...They started getting super-bad in 2005 after my divorce.  Alot of what you said I totally relate too--and I have PA's at night when I'm asleep, so I know how scary that can be!!

The cold feet thing can be from the panic attacks but also from the medications especially the Xanax (I take that too)...If I have to take more than my usual dose because of a PA, I get chilled...A nice hot shower helps that alot.


I know how alone you must feel...My mom is very supportive but she's like 2 hours away.  My current H is minorly supportive in that he'll get groceries when I can't go, but as for being my 'safe place'--he's definitely not. When I have a PA building up, I can avoid them with talking and touch--you know, comfort.  But my H isn't really a warm person to start with so being helpful is difficult for him. 

Do you know of anything that helps you calm down? Like, can your wife rub your back and talk to you?? Or take a hot shower or try to distract yourself with something else? I know how hard it is, and it's important to have someone kind of talk you down.  It seems like you have the right amount of meds, but maybe some talk therapy would help?  Just talking to your wife or a friend...or if you can find a group in your area, they're helpful... Maybe too your wife or mom could help find you a counselor that works on a sliding scale so you don't have to use up more of your insurance.


In my experience, panic attacks can keep coming until you get control of them either through therapy and/or meds. And even then you can still have random attacks...but they do get better and more managable when you've got your therapy/med stuff going on.


Sorry about your job too...My H lost his a couple years ago and we went through alot of financial probs.  It certainly doesn't make stuff easier huh?


I hope that I was able to help you even a little and that you don't feel so alone...PA's happen to alot of people!

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Thanks for your reply....  I have had panic attacks for a while... but lately they just seem non-stop...   and they are making me feel like I am losing my mind...  I think you are right... I need to do something to occupy my time...  Thanks again....

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Hi Ricky.  I get bad anxiety attacks that meds only help a little with.  I try deep breathing and staying focused on the present moment rather than past regrets or future concerns.  Like brokendishes, a hot shower is relaxing as well.  The internet has a lot of coping mechanisms and self-help cognitive behavior treatment for anxiety/panic.  One site is anxietybc.com.  My doctor recommended it.  It is free to join.  When you deep breathe, focus on each breath and count them.  When you focus on the present moment, really immerse yourself in it.  If you're petting an animal, feel its fur.  If you're drinking a coffee, feel the warmth of the cup and taste the beverage as you swallow.  I got these tips from a $200 an hour psychologist who I had a year's coverage for.  I hope they help.  I also hope it helps to know you are not alone.  I try to tell myself it only feels as if I am dying and that I am not really dying.  It helps keeps me grounded.  All the best to you Ricky.

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