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Guest PinkToo2grrl

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Guest PinkToo2grrl

ok.  so my dad is in this situation and its killing me to watch.  my mom was un-dx BP and comitted suicide in 1995.  eventually my dad got hooked up with this chick, she moved in, and now guess what?  she's a nutroll.  she sits in her room and doesnt come out.  my dad says he thinks the psych ward is what she needs.  she was abused by her dad or something and tells my dad she has "no where to go."  my dad feels bad for her so wont throw her out, but meanwhile they have no relationship, he sleeps on the couch, and stays out till all hours to avoid her, eats out, and is miserable.  apparently she is on some kind of crazy meds.

she's a grown woman and needs to get her act together and leave my Dad alone so he can get some enjoyment out of life, but she is in denial and so like for thanksgiving is expecting him to go to her family, instead of be with his own family.  my dad even says there is no relationship there and has no idea why she is thinking this way.

i REALLY want to butt in and say something to this chick.  i hate seeing my father go through this. 

i just dont know.  i dont want to see him 10 years down the line miserable, or worse, wind up with another dead chick in his house. 

i'm not good with boundaries.  where do i draw the line here?  i really want to help.

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pink, just my two cents

maybe a serious talk with your Dad would be more productive? share your concerns with him as you have here.

it may be that he needs to hear it so he can see the situation more clearly

I don't mean to offend you...this was just my first reaction when I read your post

spike

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My opinion, if this woman has issues, which it sounds like she does, and your dad feels sorry for her, which is perfectly understandable and commendable, perhaps he should strongly encourage her to get help.  The situation as you describe it doesn't sound like it is going to get better on its own.  So, someone is going to have to take the initiative and do something to change it.

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I think the best way you can help is to seriously express your concerns to your dad, but what he does with that is really up to him. You can't go over there and give her the boot for him. Tempting though the thought may be. ; )

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Maybe you need to ask your Dad to be honest with you. Does he want some help and support to get this woman out of his house?

If he does want and need it then there you have it. He is giving you persmission to butt in and help him out.

If he says he does not then you will have to accept that and tell him you are worried about it and do not like the situation but have to trust him.

Either way it will let him know you care.

CC~

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Guest PinkToo2grrl

i had a long talk with Dad about it last night.  He wont do anything about it.  Just the way it is.  God, I get so much from him.  He stews, and feels guilty, and then explodes.  He's gonna wait for her to do something about it, and she wont because she doesnt want to.  wants him to take care of it for her.  he's just gonna run away. 

ah hell.

Spike ... no offense taken.  he just goes, I know I know I know

Synth ... part of the reason their relationship has gone south is because he has been trying to get her to get help, and she wont, he's like .. I have doen all this before, if she would at least try I could have a little hope, and hang in there with her.

Faith ... ya sure?  I have a great pair of boots!

Raven ... see what I mean? short, and sweet, and smart!  She does have family, good point, I will mention this to dad!

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Maybe he can't bring himself to throw her out, but, still, it IS his house and if anyone's going to sleep on the couch it should be her. But if he can't even insist on sleeping in his own bed, the chances that he will demand she get help are slim.

(My snark self says that he should drive her over to her family for Thanksgiving, and then move.)

Greeny

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I am assuming you post here cause you are a nutroll too. ;)

Have you ever considered having a conversation with this woman about her mental health?  You may have a lot in common and she may find it comforting to have someone to talk to who isn't a doctor and who can relate to what she is going through.

You don't have to talk to her about her relationship with your father, that would probably be uncomfortable and kind of inappropriate. Talking to her about how she is feeling and her treatment (which doesn't sound as though it is working) and just lending her an empathetic ear could do a world of good.  It might make her feel less alone in the world.

It doesn't sound like your dad is going to deal with it because he feels guilty about hurting her while she is in a rough spot.

If you can help her out a bit and direct her to the road of stability it may help both of them.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Have you ever considered having a conversation with this woman about her mental health?  You may have a lot in common and she may find it comforting to have someone to talk to who isn't a doctor and who can relate to what she is going through.
This feels codependent to me.  It's not Pinky's responsibility.
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