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Now I know that I'm symptomatic but, it feels like a really dark hole. I mean litarlly. I can't explaine it. Like I am in the pits of hell and I'm suffering and I have no hope. I can have ppl here and there say I'm fine but there is nothing like this darkness. It takes all the light I have and consumes it. I push forward but I always go backwards.....My fear is based on a thought that I died in 05 of a drug overdose. So Where am I? Thats the question that always pop's into my head. Okay you say earth well okay how can you prove to me it's earth?. This endless cycle of what if's and how am I for sure. To think you have died and left your loved ones knowing that they may of hurt themseves too when you killed yourself. This is a place where nobody wants to be. I am just feeling the grips of this for what seems has been a month but, I have community service I have to do on friday. I can't be calling in saying I am screwed up in the headso I can't work....I know I just admitted what is wrong but like OCD it's going to fight tooth and nail for you!.

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