Jump to content

Talking to people? Are you mad? Let's hide!

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone!

Well... I... am shy. Even online. 

So. I am a girl, 23, French, currently living in Canada, and I am really ashamed of my English, but nevermind. 

I have a history of weirdness: as a child I had kind of panic attacks, and also tended to be afraid by everything (how long do you think you can avoid touching the floor because there might be traps? 1 week. How long can you go without eating because food could go the wrong way? 1 month and 2 weeks.) So, I have met numerous psychologists, they even thought at some point that I was autistic (but no), and I saw one of them for more than 10 years after the time I stopped eating, however I had not been diagnosed anything, apart from "has difficulties living".


Flash forward to now: I have just been diagnosed "maybe Bipolar II, maybe depression, with maybe OCD, so... we don't know how to treat you, but let's do wild guesses", and I have to admit... I am scared by this. Because I don't know what to do with this diagnosis (or lack of), I don't feel "so" bad (I mean, I feel worthless, exhausted and self-hating most of the time, elated and over-excited 2 months a year... I can survive, can't I?). I am afraid of medicine. I am afraid of this diagnosis being just a "trend". I am afraid of not having anything and being self-deceiving. I have some blood work next week.

I am also seeing a psychotherapist in Canada to help with obsessive thoughts and low self-esteem.


So... I saw light and I came in? Tell me what I should do? :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Feel welcome.

Glance at the pretty intuitive rules  and guides.


And relax.

You are you, and that doesn't change, even with wild guesses, and if no-one can fit nice neat label on you,

be grateful that at least no-one at the moment is forcing you into a shape that will fit in a pre-selected pigeonhole with a nice neat label.

It's not much but it's something.


I do have some of that autism stuff, but that wasn't found out until I was 48.



And ashamed of your English?

(Ashamed of *the* English I could understand, and I are one)

What must your French be like, if this is you doing "badly"?


Hello and welcome,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello and Welcome to CB!  It sounds like you've had a lot of difficulties, but I have no way of being able to diagnose you....only a psychiatrist can do that.


But in the meantime, check out the User Agreement, chat and think about starting a blog.


Glad you're here (and your English is quite good).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for all your answers! I would almost feel comfortable writing in English (if such a thing could happen in this universe!) I've had a look at the rules and will try to remember them, but... do not hesitate telling me if I'm doing anything wrong.

Emettman: thanks! And I know, deep-down, that you are right, and that their words do not change who I am, or what my everyday life is, obviously, everything is the same. Except... well, I would like to think that things will get better, that they will improve. I thought they would, one day. But I just don't see how. (And, err, I usually go to profiles, you know, to... get to know people and remember more accurately who said what, and... you're from Bodwin Moor? I am so jealous^^, it's one of my very favorite places in the world, even though I only went once.)

Btw, I am not sure about the signatures: should I have one with my current hypothesis of diagnosis or... not? Maybe it would make identification easier, but at the same time... would it replace my identity as a person? (In a previous life, I read too much lame philosophy. It left scars :P

Phoenix_rising: thank you! And I know, for the diagnosis, I just, err, don't know whether psychiatrists are trustworthy, or what to expect from them, so I am a bit confused about everything the course of action I should choose... 

So, I'll explore the forum and ask silly questions, and probably won't know what to do next...  That's what people do online, isn't it?

Edited by inabook
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Emettman:. you're from Bodwin Moor? I am so jealous^^, it's one of my very favorite places in the world, even though I only went once.)



Yes, I live in a little stone cottage a bit over 300 years old, on the east side of Bodmin Moor, not that far from Jamaica Inn.

It was a deliberate move to end up here.


My favourite Cornish beach: Bedruthan steps.



For scale, those little dots on the water's edge are people.


I've only made it to Canada once: a winter visit to Toronto, including a trip to a very iced-up Niagara falls,

France I've visited more regularly, as my parents (English) live there. 



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, it's beautiful! I've only wandered around Bodmin and the Golitha Falls (if I remember properly), because I only had 4 days or so there, and no car! But I would definitely live around there (well... maybe closer to London. To have bigger libraries available. Life without libraries is not worth it!), I am actually trying to find a way to emigrate to the UK to do my PhD in French literature, even if not right now since my life is currently a mess and apparently I can't study anything... 


And I am currently in Toronto (just for this year, as an exchange student, and maybe next year, as I am currently making absurd decisions about my future), and loving the Niagara-Falls: I was surprised to see that they are as impressive as postcards say!

Thanks for passing by.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...