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Hi everyone!

Well... I... am shy. Even online. 

So. I am a girl, 23, French, currently living in Canada, and I am really ashamed of my English, but nevermind. 

I have a history of weirdness: as a child I had kind of panic attacks, and also tended to be afraid by everything (how long do you think you can avoid touching the floor because there might be traps? 1 week. How long can you go without eating because food could go the wrong way? 1 month and 2 weeks.) So, I have met numerous psychologists, they even thought at some point that I was autistic (but no), and I saw one of them for more than 10 years after the time I stopped eating, however I had not been diagnosed anything, apart from "has difficulties living".

 

Flash forward to now: I have just been diagnosed "maybe Bipolar II, maybe depression, with maybe OCD, so... we don't know how to treat you, but let's do wild guesses", and I have to admit... I am scared by this. Because I don't know what to do with this diagnosis (or lack of), I don't feel "so" bad (I mean, I feel worthless, exhausted and self-hating most of the time, elated and over-excited 2 months a year... I can survive, can't I?). I am afraid of medicine. I am afraid of this diagnosis being just a "trend". I am afraid of not having anything and being self-deceiving. I have some blood work next week.

I am also seeing a psychotherapist in Canada to help with obsessive thoughts and low self-esteem.

 

So... I saw light and I came in? Tell me what I should do? :P

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Feel welcome.

Glance at the pretty intuitive rules  and guides.

 

And relax.

You are you, and that doesn't change, even with wild guesses, and if no-one can fit nice neat label on you,

be grateful that at least no-one at the moment is forcing you into a shape that will fit in a pre-selected pigeonhole with a nice neat label.

It's not much but it's something.

 

I do have some of that autism stuff, but that wasn't found out until I was 48.

 

 

And ashamed of your English?

(Ashamed of *the* English I could understand, and I are one)

What must your French be like, if this is you doing "badly"?

 

Hello and welcome,

Chris.

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Hello and Welcome to CB!  It sounds like you've had a lot of difficulties, but I have no way of being able to diagnose you....only a psychiatrist can do that.

 

But in the meantime, check out the User Agreement, chat and think about starting a blog.

 

Glad you're here (and your English is quite good).

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Thank you for all your answers! I would almost feel comfortable writing in English (if such a thing could happen in this universe!) I've had a look at the rules and will try to remember them, but... do not hesitate telling me if I'm doing anything wrong.

Emettman: thanks! And I know, deep-down, that you are right, and that their words do not change who I am, or what my everyday life is, obviously, everything is the same. Except... well, I would like to think that things will get better, that they will improve. I thought they would, one day. But I just don't see how. (And, err, I usually go to profiles, you know, to... get to know people and remember more accurately who said what, and... you're from Bodwin Moor? I am so jealous^^, it's one of my very favorite places in the world, even though I only went once.)

Btw, I am not sure about the signatures: should I have one with my current hypothesis of diagnosis or... not? Maybe it would make identification easier, but at the same time... would it replace my identity as a person? (In a previous life, I read too much lame philosophy. It left scars :P

Phoenix_rising: thank you! And I know, for the diagnosis, I just, err, don't know whether psychiatrists are trustworthy, or what to expect from them, so I am a bit confused about everything the course of action I should choose... 

So, I'll explore the forum and ask silly questions, and probably won't know what to do next...  That's what people do online, isn't it?

Edited by inabook
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Emettman:. you're from Bodwin Moor? I am so jealous^^, it's one of my very favorite places in the world, even though I only went once.)

 

 

Yes, I live in a little stone cottage a bit over 300 years old, on the east side of Bodmin Moor, not that far from Jamaica Inn.

It was a deliberate move to end up here.

 

My favourite Cornish beach: Bedruthan steps.

Bedruthan2_opt.jpg

 

For scale, those little dots on the water's edge are people.

 

I've only made it to Canada once: a winter visit to Toronto, including a trip to a very iced-up Niagara falls,

France I've visited more regularly, as my parents (English) live there. 

 

Chris.

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Wow, it's beautiful! I've only wandered around Bodmin and the Golitha Falls (if I remember properly), because I only had 4 days or so there, and no car! But I would definitely live around there (well... maybe closer to London. To have bigger libraries available. Life without libraries is not worth it!), I am actually trying to find a way to emigrate to the UK to do my PhD in French literature, even if not right now since my life is currently a mess and apparently I can't study anything... 

 

And I am currently in Toronto (just for this year, as an exchange student, and maybe next year, as I am currently making absurd decisions about my future), and loving the Niagara-Falls: I was surprised to see that they are as impressive as postcards say!

Thanks for passing by.

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