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this might belong somehwere else, so feel free to move it.

i'm an avowed bisexual 21 year old female, and to date i've had a fair share of same-sex relationships. the thing is, i still really like guys, but for some reason they indimidate me. i don't know how to explain it, but i guess its like i don't know how to talk to boys, which sounds ridiculous. i mean, all of my friends tease me and say i'm a lesbian just cause i haven't slept with a guy. i really am attracted to guys physically, but i just can't connect or relate to them emotionally. not like i can with girls, anyways. girls are easy, too easy, but guys are a mystery i just can't figure out. i don't know, maybe i present too much like a lesbian or something, and that's why guys arent interested. why can't i just find some guys i'm not afraid to talk to, who i can relate to??? phew...thanks for listening to the rant...

i just don't get 'em.

-hannah

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this might belong somehwere else, so feel free to move it.

i'm an avowed bisexual 21 year old female, and to date i've had a fair share of same-sex relationships. the thing is, i still really like guys, but for some reason they indimidate me. i don't know how to explain it, but i guess its like i don't know how to talk to boys, which sounds ridiculous. i mean, all of my friends tease me and say i'm a lesbian just cause i haven't slept with a guy. i really am attracted to guys physically, but i just can't connect or relate to them emotionally. not like i can with girls, anyways. girls are easy, too easy, but guys are a mystery i just can't figure out. i don't know, maybe i present too much like a lesbian or something, and that's why guys arent interested. why can't i just find some guys i'm not afraid to talk to, who i can relate to??? phew...thanks for listening to the rant...

i just don't get 'em.

-hannah

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaay older, but...I have had this problem off and on throughout my life. Once I realized the men and women are more alike then they are different it became easier to relate. Then I became interested in exploring the differences with a few trusted men, my brother being one. He clued me into a number of generalities about the male thought process. Likewise I try to help him out with generalities of the female thought process. In both cases we are both like scratching our heads going, "no way! ya'll really think like that?" It's funny.

I had 3 brothers, no sisters and was an avowed tomboy. I broke the heads of barbies and stuff by bashing them on the sidewalk. Yes, there were issues in my family of origin, but larger than that I just always thought Barbie was STUPID! and deserved to DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!

Good Luck,

HB

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I am - was similar to Honkingbird, growing up with boys and relating to them.

If you never had friendships with boys growing up, it will be more difficult to relate and be at ease with them. After all, guys are just people like you and I and are probably just as intimidated as you are. My stepsons of only 4 years ask ME sexually related topics because they can relate to me because I relate to them  in a sort of guy- mom way. Not their real dad. So one step at a time.. be a friend first , get comfortable. Make male friendships important to you then see how dating goes from then.

Good luck

Frosty ;)

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Well, in our culture the expectations for girls and boys are pretty different even now. Add that to some inherent differences (on average, mind you, not every time) and you've got a tough situation. I wish we could all act however we wanted to without fear. It messes with guys heads to make sure they never seem the least bit gay, at least if they don't want to be given a hell of a time by the other kids. I've been mistaken for gay and assaulted in a couple of different ways earlier in my life, tho fortunately no major injuries resulted. However, if we seem to act strange, that may be why. I'm sure you face some of the same expectations from the other side, however much you would rather not.

It's kinda funny, in a sad way. I'm a big, hairy guy, and I feel like I am intimidating people. Sometimes they even cross the street. I also feel like I can't be interested in kids very much or people will think I'm just another Tookie Amirault.

It's true there are a lot of guys who are a bit aggressive or don't want to listen, but that doesn't hold for all of us.

I've been living with a lesbian couple for a few months. I'm not sure I understand them very well, tho we've been more or less getting along.

I used to be the reverse of a "fag hag". I would get little crushes on women who were only interested in women. Both my current and ex s.o. said they were a bit bisexual. So it's not hopeless. There's something about women who  are at least a little bit butch that appeals to me. Probably some other guys feel the same way, if you can be a bit more comfortable about the whole thing. I grew up with one brother and no sisters, so, although in grade school I had a couple of friends who were girls, I was kind of intimidated by women myself, for a long while.

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this might belong somehwere else, so feel free to move it.

i'm an avowed bisexual 21 year old female, and to date i've had a fair share of same-sex relationships. the thing is, i still really like guys, but for some reason they indimidate me. i don't know how to explain it, but i guess its like i don't know how to talk to boys, which sounds ridiculous. i mean, all of my friends tease me and say i'm a lesbian just cause i haven't slept with a guy. i really am attracted to guys physically, but i just can't connect or relate to them emotionally. not like i can with girls, anyways. girls are easy, too easy, but guys are a mystery i just can't figure out. i don't know, maybe i present too much like a lesbian or something, and that's why guys arent interested. why can't i just find some guys i'm not afraid to talk to, who i can relate to??? phew...thanks for listening to the rant...

i just don't get 'em.

-hannah

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well first off, if you want to have a physical relationship with a guy, you don't need so much to have an emotional relationship.  Generally, "Wanna do it?", will work. 

I had to laugh at the "girls are easy" part.  As a man, girls are most defineately not easy.  Other side of the coin I guess.  We are more afraid of you than you are of us. 

As far as men being put off by you giving off a lesbian vibe, yes some men will find that not interesting, but some men will.  Me personally, I like tall girls.  Some may be bi, some may not.  Once you get past the looks, it is about the connection between the two people, or however many people may be involved.  The hard part is finding someone you connect with.  Still haven't figured that one out yet.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've had similar problems relating to guys, mostly because I was almost never around boys or men growing up, and therefore didn't get comfortable relating to them.

As I've gotten older and dated some men, however, I have found that even though "Men are From Mars," i.e., they think very differently from women and it can be challenging to communicate with them, there are some really wonderful things about them.  For instance, they don't tend to be as bitchy and sensitive as girls are.  I know my friends who are girls are often in a snit about this or that...guys are sort of easier to get along with, and they don't often harbor silent resentments the way girls do.  At least in my experience. 

Also, I have tended to mostly associate with guys who are more sensitive than average.  I find that I can relate to them much more than I can to macho men. 

I believe in time you'll become more comfortable and find ways to relate to men and be less intimidated by them. 

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