Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

What are my chances of 'recovery'?


Recommended Posts

Long read but anyone with depression knows it's hard to be concise. I am self-diagnosed with depression as of about 5-6 months now (not sure about exact times my factual memory is very off). I've always had some issues with my personality, my life wasn't perfect, but my internal network or whatever it is was normal, I was generally happy and responded to life normally, I learned and grew and didn't stress too much, I usually achieved whatever I set my mind to as I had a natural desire to do so.

About a year ago I started having small issues, and began drinking a bit heavily, got a bit burnt in a few breakups, did some shady things, began experimenting with pot, lsd and mdma (and a few traces of other crap), took up chain-smoking at 20 (still working hard to stop doing that) and got into a bad r/s where I wanted to end it but felt co-dependent for first time in my life. Somewhere along this line I suddenly had this major stress-attack or something and haven't been the same since, like something shifted within a minute of time and I've been trying to be the same since.

Best way to describe it is my cognitive focus shifted inwards and I'm always trying to be my 'old' self where I was just interested in living and did a decent job of it, now I'm a subject of habitual mood-swings, where I feel 'fine' most of the day then enter a dark period for a few hours which seems like eternity.

I've done days of reading, covered all the home remedies you can think of and tried all the snake oil, some things help some don't but overall I do not feel like my 'old' self. Every time I think I make a breakthrough I'm back to square one soon as I 'feel' that nagging feeling and any progress seems 'forced'. It's like when you experience depression you can't forget it, which bothers me and I don't know why.

I'm just sick of it honestly, it hasn't been long but if I can't have my old outlook on life back I really don't see the point. I'm a rational person and I know what comes down comes back up but this is just unbearable sometimes. I haven't tried anti-depressants because of all the bad things I read, but I don't know what else to do. Vitamin b deficiencies etc seem like pure bull to me, I had a way unhealthier lifestyle once and I was fine, I think it's all the pot and chain-smoking that got my chemistry out of whack but I've cut that out and I'm still not the same.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello and Welcome to CB.  

 

I'm sorry things have been rough for you, it sounds like you're going through a bad time.

 

No one here can diagnose you b/c we aren't professionals, which is why I strongly suggest seeking out a psychiatrist to help you.  A psychiatrist might suggest therapy or medications that could be of assistance in helping you feel better.

 

We also ask that everyone read the User Agreement so you know what we're all about:  http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/6642-user-agreement-updated-28th-sept-2012/

 

Please don't hesitate to ask a moderator if you have any questions.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

IDK, maybe all the pot and drugs and chain smoking was a subconscious way to self-medicate a problem that started before the drugs. Wouldn't be the first time.

 

So, if you've tried the natural stuff and gotten nowhere, and if your life sucks enough to say it's not worth living if your feelings don't improve, what's stopping you from talking to your gp about trying an antidepressant? If it doesn't work or it sucks, you do the logical thing and stop to see if you got all better by yourself. If life still sucks, you do the next logical thing and try a different antidepressant because you know they are not all the same. Some people have bad experiences with ADs. For some, they are life savers. You do not know which category you fall in until you try two or three. (Note, I'm all for natural means to improve or work through mood issues. ADs are for when those don't work, IMO.)

 

Do you work? Do you have an EAP program? They are confidential and provide something like 10 free therapy sessions. Most universities have counselors. Some free clinics do, too. A lot of therapist have sliding scale fees and will only charge what you can afford. No matter what you chose on the AD, talking to a therapist could help a lot. A good one is a valuable resource. They are just people trained to help you sort out your reasonings and feelings. Sometimes they have good advice. After life being shit, there's no way that you don't have stuff to get off your chest. If you don't care for the first one you see, move on to the next. Like I said, they are just people. You'll connect more with some than others. Remember, the only people who have to know you are seeing one are the people you chose to tell. So if you are self-conscious about it, don't tell anyone. But really, all kinds of people see therapists for all kinds of reasons. Look in the phone book. There wouldn't be so many if a lot of people didn't value their services. They aren't just for losers. They are for people who realize a neutral, third party perspective is valuable.

Edited by AnneMarie
Link to comment
Share on other sites

welcome

 

I had to chuckle however, you put a lot of illicit drugs and cigarette smoke, plus drinking heavily, into your body but you are 'afraid' of antidepressants?  lol   :cool: 

Antidepressants would be medications which have been tested, approved by the FDA.

 

MDMA, as I read about it, totally messes with the brains neurotransmitters.

dangerous stuff

 

 

Cut out all that bad stuff, go see your doctor, and try an AD.  It might help you a lot!

The longer you are depressed the harder it is to treat.  Get some medical treatment is my advice.

 

oh, with treatment and no more illicit drugs your chances of recovery are excellent, IMHO

Edited by bpladybug
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi I'm a new to the boards and late to this coversation

Just wanted to say i went through a similar thing of years of self medication, with ciggies and booze to control major mood swings

I too just wanted to get back to may normal self, it wasn't until I had a major crash about 6 years ago that I realised I had been fighting a battle alone for no reason oher than my pride and not wanting a label.

Get the help you need and with the right treatment the new you will be better that the old you you want to be

Good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the support everyone. I finally did it today, I went to my doctor and told him I've had depression for a year. Within about 3 minutes I had a prescription in my hand for Celexa with a quick guide to take 10mg a day then 20mg after a week. I just tried cutting the tablet in half and messed it up a bit so just took the entire 20mg, tomorrow will go down to 10. I hope I won't cause any damage...

And yes I know it's stupid to take all those illicit substances but if I knew what would happen to me I wouldn't. Too late now tho, I already cut down my drinking to one a week or less, switched to electronic cigarettes (except half of a real one a day to feel 'normal') and only smoke pot maybe once every 3 weeks.

It's weird that I decided to try anti-depressants when I'm not particularily depressed, I feel 'fine' but for some reason I hate it the most. I don't feel great but not bad enough to be motivated to do anything. Make sense?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also my big issue in times when I don't feel bad is, even if I feel better I just don't see the point in anything. It's not a depressing feeling but I just don't feel like there's any real point to living and getting better. About 1.5 years ago I didn't think about things that way, will anti-depressants help with this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thinking that there is no point to living is a classic symptom of depression.  I hope that in addition to seeing your doctor, you will also consider therapy.   If you want a satisfying, happy life again, you need both meds and therapy to get back on an even keel.

 

Good luck and I hope things look up for you.

 

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thinking that there is no point to living is a classic symptom of depression.  I hope that in addition to seeing your doctor, you will also consider therapy.   If you want a satisfying, happy life again, you need both meds and therapy to get back on an even keel.

 

Good luck and I hope things look up for you.

 

olga

 I had a feeling it was. I hope it's not 'anhedonia' or something like that cause I just feel like I'm pushing a mental boulder to get any satisfaction from life. Since my 'symptoms' only started around 16 months ago and only about 8 months ago I actually felt depressed, would meds be a good temporary transition back to normal?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Hi

 

Hope your feeling better,

 

all the thoughts and feeling you have are symptomatic of depression and you shouldn't be hard on yourself, i think you are doing all the right things to help

yourself.

 

You are also an attractive guy, if that helps

Edited by isthisit?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The one thing that surprises me is that recovery is possible for everyone. That sounds all rainbows and unicorns, but the only thing I see in common with the people who recovered is that they just kept showing up and doing something positive. It's that agonizingly simple and agonizingly hard. People have different severities of different illnesses, two people with the same diagnosis can have a very different time with it. However, I never write anyone off, the most unlikely people made it in the long run.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I'm late but I don't go on all the time and I just joined. I can relate. I've been very depressed for since my early teens and I am currently in this relationship that I'm codependent in. It really sucks but you aren't the only one. I sometimes feel hopeless but believe it or not.. Things do get better. Sometimes when i think something is the end of the world.. I remind myself the world hasn't ended yet... And that it's still going. Keep going and live on. It does get better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...