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So lately, usually at night when I'm trying to sleep, my brain says stuff to me that I didn't think.

Most of the time, it doesn't make any sense.  It's like a few words that don't mean anything.

It's like when you rehearse a conversation in your head, only when I do that in the past, it is always something I choose to think/say in my head and I know what I'm going to say before I say it in my head.  In this case, my brain just chooses to say something but I didn't choose to think that, and I don't know what it's going to say until my brain has finished saying that.  Besides, I wouldn't think most of the stuff that my brain is saying to me.

So the vast majority of the time what my brain is saying is nonsense but some of the time it says stuff that kind of makes sense, but seems to be designed to annoy me.  Sometimes it says my name, and a couple of times it says it so loudly whilst I am trying to sleep that I wake up startled thinking the house is on fire then realise no-one was there. Once my brain insulted me, but it wasn't the sort of normal self critical talk I would usually think, it was a bizzare insult based on a movie I had just watched.

Lately, I have sometimes become uncomfortable at work or in public places as sometimes I feel I hear my name or other weird thing, but I can't be sure whether it's real or not as I have a common name (someone else could be talking to another person with my name) or I may have heard something wrongly.

I wonder if this is normal.  I have previously been told I *might* have schizophrenia, and have had visual hallucinations and have constant visual disturbances, but have never had voices, and I don't feel this is voices, it is talk inside my head that sometimes I get momentarily confused about.  Most of what I "hear" inside my head I am not sure whether it's my own voice or not, although a couple of times it is clearly not (male voice). I don't know what this means.  I don't have a pdoc to ask because doctors have treated me so poorly I avoid seeing them anymore.

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i'm not qualified to diagnose you, but i *am* diagnosed with that and i think you should talk to a mental health professional. maybe not a psychiatrist...find a therapist and build trust...but you should investigate because the specifics differ but i can understand on a visceral level what that experience would be like

Edited by mellifluous
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I'm bipolar but I completely empathize with you - during a mixed episode I went briefly into psychosis and there was a "2nd me" talking in my head, saying things I could not predict, and I was not controlling it in any way. It would say scary things, like egg me on to do something bad, or it would insult and criticize me. I would have silent conversations with the 2nd me, telling it to shut up and go away and stuff like that. It was very very strange to be arguing with a 2nd internal voice inside your head that you cannot control.  

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I think the answer is to find a pdoc that treats you like a valuable person and to talk it over. Interview a few of them until one seems okay. They are people. Some will suck. Some won't. I wouldn't give up on them entirely. If you have something like schiz, treatment may give you a richer life. And, well, no one here can say for sure what's up. I read it and think perhaps it's all normal. Brains do funny things at the edge of sleep. Hearing your name called when no one calls it actually is considered normal. Then again, could indicate psychosis. Can't say based on a few paragraphs but a few conversations with a trained professional probably would help.

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Who told you you might haze SZ? A doc, a nurse, a random person on the internet?

What are your "visual disturbances" like?

 

And if your 'hallucinations' primarily happen when falling to sleep/waking up, it might just be hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations, which are perfectly normal.

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Who told you you might haze SZ? A doc, a nurse, a random person on the internet?

What are your "visual disturbances" like?

 

And if your 'hallucinations' primarily happen when falling to sleep/waking up, it might just be hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations, which are perfectly normal.

 

I was told I might have SZ by a psychiatrist.  My GP has suspected same for years (not that he really says it.  Just that he is frequently asking me stuff that it is extremely obvious what he thinks and is often giving me anti-psychotics).

 

My visual disturbances consist of a number of things.  Worst is black holes in my vision (an area near the centre of my vision where I cannot see anything, completely black).  They are small, so doesn't stop me seeing though.  The black holes appear and disappear countless times, every day without fail, 24/7.  They will be there for only a second and then they dissappear and re-appear a few millimetres away.  Looking at some things, like some windows in my house, almost always triggers a bad attack of black holes.  They have improved a lot before when I take anti-psychotics.  The black holes go BESERK when I wake up and yes that is when I normally have visual hallucinations.  Also when I wake up a black hole can be much bigger and turn into a spider or other thing.  So I know that my black holes are the same thing that gives me the visual hallucinations, I can just tell. Other visual disturbances are harder to describe but often walls etc will be like they have this bright pink light all over them, although I can still see the colour underneath.  At home - and a bunch of other places - usually the floor, walls, air etc is kind of alive with movement. Hard to describe.

 

Anyway, I'm aware of hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations, a quick google search turned this up immediately I realised I tended to hallucinate right after I woke up.  I went to the doc expecting to be reassured that it was normal, but I have to say neither GP or psychiatrist have ever mentioned the words hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations nor told me that what I had was "normal".  I don't know what to think of that - every other time I go to the doc about a physical problem, they usually try to brush it off as "normal"/"nothing serious", whatever, so I was really surprised about this.

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Have you had your eyes examined by an ophthalmologist? Black spots can be a sign of a vision problem. It'd be smart to rule it out. Maybe you have more than one thing going on. Obviously, them getting bigger and turning into a spider sounds like a hallucination, but when it's just blind spots, could be different.

 

Are you going to give a psychiatrist another try? It sounds like antipsychotics have helped you. They are not all the same. I find the latest less sedating.

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Have you had your eyes examined by an ophthalmologist? Black spots can be a sign of a vision problem. It'd be smart to rule it out. Maybe you have more than one thing going on. Obviously, them getting bigger and turning into a spider sounds like a hallucination, but when it's just blind spots, could be different.

 

Are you going to give a psychiatrist another try? It sounds like antipsychotics have helped you. They are not all the same. I find the latest less sedating.

Yes I've been to an ophthalmologist, they didn't find anything.  I don't think it is an eye problem in any case, the way a bad attack is triggered by stress, sleepiness or looking at certain things.  I will think about seeing a psychiatrist again.  Thanks

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Dude, eee, your situation is surprisingly close to my own. I'm DX'd SZA-bipolar. You described EXACTLY what I experience as far as the random words/phrases go. Though I thought of a good way to describe it when talking to my therapist; I describe it as hearing words or phrases without using my ears. If I had to imagine what telepathy was like, this is what I would imagine.

On another note, I get the black splotches too which I thought were spiders until I looked at them and they disappear. They appear randomly in my field of view. Lately I've been getting colored ones too, usually red. Then some small black spots zip across my vision VERY fast (they're not floaters). The 'alive with motion' hallucination you mentioned reminds me of the visual static phenomenon. I get it a lot, it's like you can see the air or something, and if you look at the ceiling and focus on it, it kinda sparkles.

I tend to get paranoid delusions, both big and small. Major motivation problems, and pretty much all the negative symptoms to some degree. Thought blocking is the worst! Then there's the bipolar crap. When manic (I never get higher than hypomanic), I am FULL of energy but the schizo motivation problems prevent me from being able to use it. Sucks...

Anyway, sorry for going off topic, this be my first post and your post caught my eye. So I gave a little intro about myself too.

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The set of symptoms you described when falling asleep could be hypnagogia.  It happens to me all the time, and my brain will do just some of the most fascinatingly weird things when i'm prancing between sleep and awake.  As always though, you may want to speak to a doctor to get a more accurate assessment of what you are going through.

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  • 1 month later...

So I try to discuss this with my doctor and explain that I read that it may be something that normal people experience at night and he just doesn't really say anything?  I mean, I gave him an out, if it's normal then why not just "reassure" me that it is?  If it's not normal, then say it's not?   I even said after he stayed quiet that my internet research said it might be normal, he sort of acknowledged when I asked directly that that some people might get these things right before falling asleep but didn't really seem to agree that it might be this in my case... It's really frustrating as internet research tells everyone these kinds of experiences are "normal" but the docs don't say this to me.  And a lot of people here I know talk about hypnagogic / hypnopompic experiences and so you all agree with what google says, that it's normal.  But statistically just because a lot of people on these forums have these experiences doesn't mean it is frequent in the general population or normal, particularly when the experiences can be very vivid/frightening and to some extent, may encroach on awake moments.  If it's as normal as google says to hallucinate at night, why isn't it something that friends and family ever talk about?  People talk about how they had the strangest/most frightening dream last night, they don't talk about having the strangest hallucination last night do they?  Next time I go to the doc I will just shut my mouth and get my repeat prescription I guess.  Just sometimes think I could use the remaining 9 minutes I paid for to ask a question but probably all it does is get a bunch of comments on my medical record that will ensure I will never be able to get my income protection insurance renewed.

 

To top it off, my doc appears to have been talking to my husband about me.  Even though he was pretty much an ex-husband at the time.  I don't know exactly what was said, but it has definitely happened.  I am upset about it, not knowing what they have both said.  I have researched the subject of patient confidentiality and there appears to be little rights.  Apparently, if I die, and my death is referred to a coroner, my family will know ALL the gory details of my life and death.  Even if I'm not dead, but am in hospital for an emergency, etc, the docs are allowed to tell my family stuff under the excuse of "compassionate" grounds.  There is no regard for my privacy in these circumstances as far as I can tell.  It's disgusting.  I suppose I should just never tell a doctor anything, never give a doctor my family contact information and never carry ID as that is the only way I can prevent doctors discussing my private information with other people.

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Personally I see sz as a constant hypnopompic/gogic hallucination that reacts with daily life. Like we are stuck dreaming while awake (I've seen others describe it that way and I totally agree.).

Interesting fact. Dreaming relies on certain dopaminergic pathways in the brain. The same ones that are overstimulated in the sz mind. So one would assume that an sz episode is literally a waking nightmare.

Also, this overstimulation of the pathways during sleep causes very vivid dreams and makes you dream more often. This is evidence to me that an improper decoupling from or initialization to a dream state (hypnopompic/gogic hallucinations) might be caused by the pathways overstimulation, making these phenomena more prevalent in people with sz or other dopaminergic pathway disorders.

Though I could be completely wrong...just a theory.

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i don't know, I get a lot of clutter in my head and when I start noticing it isn't my clutter I start trying to control it futilely it is one of my red flag symptoms. I think for me its racing thoughts, though. I have visual disturbances too and always have and my eyes are healthy. Anxiety can mess with the eyes though. I see black spots and floaters and sparkles and flashes of light. i've always been that way though and I was told that visual things are more indicative of migraine aura. talk to someone and maybe as about getting an eeg done or something. i'm getting one done because no one has been able to give me a definitive answer about it yet (pdocs never seem too. mine are so flipping vague about everything. they thought i had sza for a while but couldn't say anything until they watched me long enough. sneaky sneaky) i have read that seeing phosphenes is caused by the visual cortices being overexcited; everyone has them but most people aren't picking up on such low lying visual information. I would imagine that the presence means at least something upstairs is off or on overdrive.

Edited by kitkatt91
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sounds a little bit like something that happens to me, except the words have a habit of actually popping out of my mouth. luckilly i can mostly keep it from happening in public. i'll be interested to see what people say about this.

 

Just noticed your post again, I have problems with my thoughts coming out of my mouth without meaning too as well.  It happens all the time when I'm alone, in public I say it really quietly or can control it. Sometimes I don't know why I am saying what I said.  I often say really mean stuff to my dog, and I also don't know why as I love him to death.  This unintended talking tends to happen when I have these constant flashbacks of times in my life when people were hideously horrible to me, making fun of me or whatever. It's like I say things to try and distract myself from the thoughts, I also try to dig my fingernails into my hands so the pain distracts me.  Lately this has been happening so much, I am thinking back to minor stuff that happened like ten years ago and realising only now that the person was thinking I was stupid or whatever.  I am actively avoiding social contact because if someone is rude to me or thinks I am stupid no matter how "minor" the incident it is a memory that will potentially haunt me for the rest of my life.  I don't need that. 

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