I ended up trying to leave the store with makeup in my purse. I had money to pay for it. I didn't need it. Had no idea why I did it. LP grabbed me before I even left, held me for 2 hours, had a city cop give me a ticket to appear. I've never done this type of stuff before.
As this is just the cap on top of unusual behavior for me, I went to my GP, who sent me to a Pdoc (I had been without one for like a decade) and he thinks I'm some flavor of Bipolar. Begged family for money to pay a lawyer. I've never been in trouble before so my lawyer is trying to cut a deal to keep this misdemeanor off my record.
My court appearance is next week and I'm terrified. Can anyone tell me what to expect?
I have been self harming since I was 11.
I'm 21 with a job in healthcare and I still can't stop myself from cutting. Its become a custome. That's my go to when I'm stressed, upset, lonely, sometimes even if I'm bored. I just like to have cuts or burns or scratches on me at all times. Its like a secret that I don't have to share its amusing to me in a way. I feel almost naked if I don't have at least a few cuts on me at any given time. I've tried to stop and for a while I did, but I just keep turning back.
I want to move forward with my life but its like I'm stuck In a hole that I can't climb out of. I see everyone around me moving on with their lives and I'm stuck here hurting myself with no control over anything. My anxiety is to bad to seek help. I just feel like I would be better off dead because dying just seems so easier, more realistic and more inviting than trying to live a normal life.
I hadn’t been cutting for long before I was found out. My parents sent me to therapy hoping for a full recovery. I haven’t cut since the end of May -a little over for months ago- but I still fantasize about it everyday. I feel that since I’m not an active cutter I’m seen as being better but I’m not better. The urge is still there and life is harder now that I’m not doing essentially the only thing that remedied the pain. I wish I coined express this frustration to someone but I hate to disappoint. I burdened my parents and enough already and don’t want to hurt them anymore. How can I make the urge go away or get my parents to see that I haven’t fully recovered without hurting them? If you have any advice please lmk. Thanks.