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emotionally abusive family life


mashko
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First of all, that is just sick and terrible that people treat people like that, especially children. Sadly, I know partially how you feel, my parents do very similar things, not always to that extent, but it's pretty bad. I would say cut ties asap, it's toxic, you've got to be in a secure living situation for you to get better 

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Find a new job so you can at least have some time away from them. Who do you have to confide in besides your boyfriend? Do you have supportive friends? It's important to have people to talk to.. You did come to this website after all.

It's not okay for your parents to do that. I know how it feels my dad would call me a dog and say I'm not his. And my mom would call me a demon when I really didn't deserve that.

Now I am very distant from them both and I feel better because they made me feel that shitty that I didn't want anything to do with them anymore. I'm not telling you to do that though.. There is family counseling if you want to go there.

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I have a therapist that i see every week, i will be seeing her next on the day before my birthday. unfortunately i do not think i can find anoter job, not at the same pay i rreceive. My father os not threatening at work, and does not touch on personal subjects too strongly.

My boyfriend is basically my only confidant and friend, so this website is quite a good place to communicate things like this. Family counseling is out of te question i think.. My family plays mind games and i dont want to try to change tem since they insist that they wont change

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 your family is a superfund alright . You need out of the that place asap. look into whether you could qualify for government assistance to help with you bills. Unlike you parents they will help you out without making you a punching bag . There are N.G.O' s that cater to people that are suffering from illness. In my state there is the chrysalis center which helps with housing . what else are you parents paying for in your life ?

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I would try discussing this with my tdoc, were I in your situation.

 

I think it's a point on your side of things that you recognize this as abuse right now and are starting to consider your options.  I both did and didn't recognize the emotional abuse I went through (I recognized it but I couldn't name it or describe it at all, which had me doubting myself all the time -- the physical abuse was very obvious but I still blamed myself even around 18 for that shit) and though I cut off all contact with them it wasn't a conscious decision at first.  Only after a lot of self-deprogramming did I consciously continue to choose to keep away from them.

 

I generally favour the option of cutting them out of your life entirely, but that process doesn't always happen all at once.  When I left them for good I still saw my dad throughout much of the following year, due to various factors I won't get into.  After that I even brought over my new boyfriend at that time to meet my dad & stepmother for a dinner.  That was, unintentionally, the last time I would see them -- it went really well of course.  I'm glad I cut off contact though, despite how difficult things became without their support.

 

I think exploring and planning options with your tdoc is a really good idea.

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I second the idea of working out a plan with your tdoc.  It is blatantly wrong for your parents to treat you in this manner and I think it would be in your best interest to separate yourself from them.  But don't just step straight into "leaving" them.  Be sure you have a job and a place to stay.  Keep seeing your tdoc: he/she will be very important during this process.

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Becoming an adult is difficult. The thing is, along with the freedom comes a lot of responsibility. You can certainly cut off contact with your parents but if you do, you'd better be prepared for what will probably follow. You'll need:

  • a new job.
  • a new place to live.
  • your own transportation (and most likely automobile insurance).
  • to take over your student loans.
  • health insurance.
  • money for food/rent/clothing/utilities/etc.

Your mother is not "throwing bills" at you. She is saying that she is no longer willing to pay bills that you have incurred. If they are your bills then they belong to you, not your mother.

 

Are you over 18? If so, I don't believe at that point in time it is called running away from home. It is called moving.

 

You moved away because the people that pay the bills were requesting that you take a drug test because your behavior was leading them to believe you might be on drugs. If it were me, I'd take the test. It would prove you weren't on drugs and they'd be the ones paying for the test so what's the big deal? You'd have proof that you're not on drugs. What could be better than unequivocal proof that you're not on drugs? 

 

So, if you're ready, willing, and able to do all these things then go for it. If you aren't then maybe you need to figure out a way to work things out with your parents. Maybe you can do some role playing with your tdoc to help with the conversation. Or, even better, have a meeting with all of you and tdoc. Get a neutral party in there to help keep things constructive.   

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