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I can't fucking work!


freesoul

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Yeah Yeah Yeah. Take yer meds.

But the meds are turning me into a useless zombie. I wanna do my stuff, but I somehow don't have the stamina, the motivation, the clarity of thought and creativity required to do it. I went from rising star to zombie. I can't accept it.

I sit down and try try try. I can't think straight on Zyprexa, it makes me feel like I am on extacy or acid or something. I feel high. And that's when I'm awake. The Tegretol doesn't help. The depression would have lying on the bottom of the ocean if my anxiety level wasn't somewhere in the stratosphere!

Frankly I was feeling much much better when I just smoked pot all day.

I am seriously considering going back to that, and (safely) stopping all meds. And firing this pdoc that pretends to help me.

I need to work. What else can I do, apply for disability or something? they wouldn't take me I guess, you have to be majorly fuck up for years to qualify, rigth?

Anyone else out there has a high pressure occupation that requires lots of thinking and writing and research and can manage on meds/

HOW???

Otherwise I have to quit the meds, or I will end up on the street and with a lawsuit on my back to repay the money I was already given.

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Freesoul,

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I can relate.  I'm a student and need to think and feel like such a failure because I have to drop one of my classes and take an imcomplete for another.

My brain, my intelligence is what I always counted on.  You're the same way I'm sure.

I'm not going to sit here and be high and mighty and try to convince you to take your meds.  You're smart enough to know to go off them safely.  To swich pdocs or tdocs if you hate yours.  And at least let your GP know what you're doing if not your pdoc.

I had this great night, not too long ago...about two weeks.  I stayed up virtually all night writing this AWESOME art history paper with my boyfriend and it was a great opportunity for us to bond.  I had already halved the seroquel (pdoc aprroved, btw) I was taking at night and I felt SO MUCH BETTER.  Sharper.  But then I got the bright idea to quit it.  I was awake for 4 days and ended up in the ER dehydrated, starving and with a mutalated arm.

Long story short, I'm on risperdal now, which better controls my symptoms, has a lower side effect profile for me and I feel a less dull.  Although I'm dull now thanks to it being that time of the month. 

Maybe try one more drug if you can?  At least let a friend or family member know what you're doing so someone objective is telling you if you're doing it too fast or if your symptoms return.

Good luck.  I know you'll make the right decision for you.  Either way.

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Thanks mama (hehehe...that makes me feel like a little girl)

I did quit the Zyprexa. I can handle that as a crisis med but not on an everyday basis. Will let me pdoc know tomorrow.

I am also insisting on some kind of a change of meds. I mean, the whole point is to feel better, rigth? If that's not happening then we switch strategies. That's how I understand it. Just keeping me on the same thing or adding stuff that doesn't work for me/prevents me from even pretending to function does not cut it.

I am prepared to go off Tegretol on my won, gradually, starting tomorrow if the pdoc will not  do anything else for me. Then seek another doctor. What option do I have? Since I am not gutsy enough for an artist or beautiful enough for a model...or even sane enough for a job. I rely on my brain.

I hate it when docs will not even try to make you better.

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That really sucks freesoul.  Do you have any universities in your area?  A lot of times psychs near them are used to seeing students who won't put up with being dumb.  This is what I've found.  (I'm on my second degree BTW.)

Yeah, I agree that a crisis med shouldn't be used all the time.  Where will you have to go in an actual crisis?  If you're stable, then wait until/if (hopefully) it gets worse before you pull it out again.  But at least you know it works as a last resort.

I'm getting that you're probably bipolar... What flavor?  I'm bipolar I.  Do you have other mood stabilizers besides tegretol?  Have you tried Tripleptal?  I loved that med but my liver didn't.  Maybe you'll like it?

My dad was on lithium for a year and was able to go off of it.  He's definitely cyclothymic, but if it hasn't flared in 30 years...does he really need to be on a med unless it does?  Probably not.

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You guessed rigth. Not sure what flavor (of Bipolar) exactly yet, since at this moment I am rapid-cycling (yes, much fun hey)due to antidepressant induced serotonin problems a few months back.

I am actually being treated at my university's student clinic. I am on my first degree so far, although it's a double major. Can't work regularly really...and I love being a student (at least when I can do it properly...)

Quitting the Zyprexa helped a lot. And when I went in for my pdoc appointment today I insisted that my meds be re-evaluated or I wouldn't comply, as it makes no sense to take a potentially harmful (and stupefying) med without it doing the least bit for me.

Well, lo and behold, I am starting on Lamictal today. Yipee! (I'll still be having my Tegretol along with it for now.)

Hopefully I'll have more luck with that. It's supposedly good for depression and rapid cycling.

I am also very happy because the doc has lent me his copy of the official treatment standards for me to read. I think that's great, a good sign that I can now be a full participant and not just "patiently" accept whatever he decides to do. It was worth it to take a stand.

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That's great freesoul!  Sometimes a good ultimatim (sp?) can be the kick in the ass someone needs!

Yeah lamictal is great...I've only had positive side effects from it.  (My nails are longer and stronger.)  And I haven't had any depression.  Although that isn't usually my main problem. 

Did you and your doctor discuss an overall plan or goal?  Mine is titrate up on Lamictal (12 days left til I'm done).  Titrate off Depakote.  Go on Lithium.  Then hopefully go down on Risperdal if Lithium works better.  I feel better because at least I have a goal.  I have someplace we've talked about going that I feel comfortable with.  He wanted me to go on Lithium first but I didn't feel comfortable with it, so we're doing this.

My first degree is in Poli Sci with a double major in Biological Anthropology and Cutural Anthropology.  Now it's Animal Science.  I'll be applying to vet school soon.  That's helping me stay on the straight and narrow.

I'm sorry you have to do student health unless yours is better than the experience I've had.  I have an off-campus pdoc.  The PPO health insurance is really helping!

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