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Problems aplenty all over the place

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Hi, I'm Proliix


(Hi, Proliix!)


Anyway once upon a time I had a problem, and another problem, and then some more problems, and then I expatriated from the US to a country where if I tell anyone about my problems, I will be fired and have to leave, and I really REALLLY don't want that. (It's a cultural thing.)


So since I'm functional at least, my stopgap solution is to try and find folks to talk to. My fiance is a sweetheart about it but I think there's only so much he can take of playing therapist for me, and it might be a break for him if I had some kindred spirits online. (Especially since now that I live abroad, and my friends and family are all thousands of miles away.)


About me:

I went to psychiatrists and therapists when I was younger (late teens) but when my parents took me off their insurance (it was too expensive) I stopped and never was able to go back. I have about a lovely cavalcade of symptoms which were eventually narrowed down to anxiety and depression with a suspicion by a therapist once of very mild autistic tendencies. I have: 


-Panic attacks

-A "comfort zone" that I really don't like leaving (despite enjoying far-flung travel, it's super weird, I'm fine going to another country, going downtown freaks me out.)

-An obsession with the presence of bathrooms (I freak out if I can't go to a bathroom, even when I don't need it)

-Emetophobia (phobia of vomit)

-Disordered thinking about my body and have had problems with my relationship with food

-Difficulty focusing (related to depression)

-Social anxiety, mostly stemming from difficulty interpreting social cues and responding appropriately. (When I was a kid I thought I was secretly an alien, born on another planet. I'm very good at first impressions now with a lot of work, but still have no idea what to do after that.)

-Self harmed in the past

-Suicidal thoughts/plans


Physically I also have IBS, which is made worse by stress, and also makes my anxiety worse (related to my bathroom obsession.) So.


Took some medication for ADHD (the first thing they thought I had) when I was younger, which actually helped, but was a little harsh on the side effects. I am EXTREMELY sensitive to medications/chemicals. I can get tipsy on a glass of wine, jittery and queasy on one mug of coffee, cure a headache with ONE advil, etc. and if a side effect is possible, I'm usually the one who gets it. I don't know why this is, but it makes me cautious around medications... aaaaalways start with the lowest possible dose and take the first pill in a safe place, just in case...


I also have a tulpa, if anyone knows what that is, but I don't like to think of that as crazy... more like self help.

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Hi Proliix. Welcome to CB. Feel free to use this space to talk all you want. There are others dealing with similar issues as I'm sure you've already noticed if you've perused the boards. There are no therapists here, nor doctors, so this is just a place to find others with mental illnesses who might understand.


Hi Loomis. Welcome to you, too!

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Hi, and welcome to CB.
Take a moment to read the user agreement. It avoids misunderstanding later. One of those rules is that we discourage PM'ing for one-on-one support for a couple of reasons. Not only can we all benefit from the advice, as we are a peer support site, but it sets up a situation where one person is solely responsible for someone elses' well-being. That person risks burnout, or exacerbating their own crisis should it come up.


You seem to have a lot going on! I hope that you can find the support that you're looking for, here.

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