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Confessions of my life - Sanity

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Hi everyone.

I am 21, living in Wales, UK.

I haven't been diagnosed as insane, although, I probably would if a doctor knew what goes on inside my head.

I started getting depressed at a young age, and would shut myself away in my room, playing MMORPGs, drinking stupid amounts of coca cola, and binge eating on junk food.

I met my best friend shortly after, (who I don't actually like, but he's a tough guy and I feel safe around him) who introduced me to weed, which I smoked upto an ounce a week at times, however I get extremely paranoid sometimes and start tripping, and then worry that like someone will catch me tripping or something. I also frequently hear voices, and the more I try to block them out the more I hear them.

I am a pathalogical liar and say things without thinking, and then stick to it, for example most people I know think my dad is dead, however the truth is he just hasn't wanted anything to do with me since I can remember because he has problems of his own.

I have had crazy stuff happen while sober also, for example I imagined that I got jumped by 5 men with knifes, and I beat them all up. It seemed real at the time, even though in the back of my head I kind of knew it wasn't real. I ended up phoning the police and almost got arrested for threatening them when they didn't believe me.

I have a job fitting tyres, which i've been at for years, luckily my boss lets me get away with days-weeks off work without telling him, and turns a blind eye to me smoking weed in work. I've gotten away with so much shit that the manager knows about, and could've gotten me locked up.

I am very lucky because there's no way I could hold down any other job, I have no motivation to get off my sheetless, stained mattress at times and, due to the fact that I live with my mother and stepfather, who get really mad at this, i've walked around for 8 hours rather than go to work countless times, even resorted to hiding in a cubboard full of junk under the stairs, however i've been caught twice now, and my mother checks after she gets home from her half-shift at work.

I regularly have suicidal thoughts, and have one failed suicide attempt at the moment. I took a couple boxes of temazepam my doctor gave me, and was taken the the hospital. To this day, I can't remember why I did it. I was happy at the time.

Infact, I have extreme happiness sometimes, and then 5 minutes later I can be extremely depressed. The same goes with motivation.

I mentioned to my doctor I think I might be bipolar but he didn't take it seriously.

Hmm, that's pretty much all i'll say so far, would like to hear your opinions on my state of sanity.

P.S. These forums are great.


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No one here is qualified to offer an opinion on your sanity or lack thereof.  You mention a doctor. Is that a general practice physician or a psychiatrist?


Take a look around and see how CB 'works' and join in when you are comfortable.



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Hello and Welcome to CB.


I hope you are seeing a psychiatrist as it sounds like you would benefit from seeing a professional.


Please take a look at the User Agreement so you know how we do things around here.


Feel free to join in chat or start a blog.

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i have seen general practitioner but that was a long time ago and i feel ive gotten much worse since i am currently working up the courage to go back and writing down issues i feel i need to speak about

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