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I want my Tdoc to see my naked pictures


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I am so tempted to post naked pics of myself onto a website that I told him I post on.He knows I am attracted to him & I find myself wanting to seduce him bad.I told him details about my sexual turn ons & he seems to really get into hearing me talk about it.Right now I want to post more pics on the website because I have a feeling he will be looking for them.

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So use this opportunity to look at the relationship transference.

 

Who does your relationship with tdoc remind you of?

What did you want from that person that you are now hoping to get from tdoc?

 

 

ETA: This is actually a really well-written blog from a person experiencing erotic transference that might feel helpful and help you feel less isolated in your experience.

Edited by Wooster
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Thanks for the response & the link.I have actually already read that blog & yes,it is a good one.

I have a feeling I want to seduce him so that I can level out the power dynamic between us.I think I want him to be attracted to me & I want to be on his mind and just as important to him, as he is to me. I have told him that too.

It just kills me that we can never be friends,lovers,nothing.

I am still tempted to post the pictures but having this forum is calming the urge a little.Thanks for having me here my fellow nutters.I have been reading quite alot about transference & I think I have a good grasp of it.I just can't help but have this extreme urge to make him aroused.I want him to think of me when I'm not around

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Well I got through the night without posting the pics but I'm still tempted.The thing is,I don't care if other people see. I actually get aroused by the thought of other people seeing my pics.Plus I never show my face so no one would know it's me,except Tdoc cause I told him I have been doing it.

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What do you imagine would happen if he thought of you when you weren't around?

How would that change your relationship?

 

You also mentioned wanting to level out the power dynamic by seducing him. When else has this dynamic show up in your life?

 

The thing about erotic transference is that it's totally useful information if you know what to do with it. Acting on the transference isn't going to solve the problem. But using the transference as a way to understand patterns and times in your life when you have felt similarly is where the utility comes from.

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how do you know this dude isn't going to take advantage of you?  maybe that's what you want?  maybe you need the validation you feel you can get from him.  sorry if i'm wrong.  when i read this, i got worried that you may unknowingly be putting yourself in harms way.  you should read an entry by sourlemon. her pdoc attacked her.  i don't know man.  what i'm trying to say is that it seems like you may be putting yourself in danger. just dont want anyone to get hurt.

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ANY time a professional helper acts on sexual urges with a client, it is not only clearly harmful, it is also morally, ethically, and legally wrong.

 

That's not what the OP is talking about here, FGP.

 

She's talking about erotic transference... which is when sexualized feelings of attachment get linked to one's tdoc.

 

The appropriate processing of erotic transference in a respectful and healthy way is actually a very legit approach to therapy for some people and their needs. The appropriate part means that the tdoc would NEVER EVER EVER act sexually toward the client, and that even the emotional needs of the tdoc are NOT AT ALL what the therapy is about. The therapy is about the needs of the client... helping the client understand where the sexualized urges come from, what other unfinished life business they represent... what the therapy relationships "stands in" for.

 

Nobody... and I mean NOBODY EVER ASKS TO GET RAPED BY THEIR TDOC/PDOC... even if they do things that 'cross the line' and seem to invite being treated in a sexual way. The responsibility for a pdoc/tdoc to not act sexually with a client rests WHOLLY with the pdoc/tdoc alone.

 

I am truly sad and sorry about the experience that sourlemon had. It was grievously wrong and a very clear example of how a helping professional violating that boundary causes BIG FUCK UPS for the client.

 

And it is NEVER EVER EVER ok for a tdoc/pdoc to behave in a sexual manner toward a client... REGARDLESS of ANY actions the client may take... EVEN IF those actions are trying to encourage or elicit erotic countertransference from the tdoc or pdoc.

 

BorderlineChick, I'm not saying that it's a good idea to post your naked photos in actual real life because of this. I'm saying that there is a difference between the client's erotic transference toward the therapist, and the therapist's ethical behavior.

Edited by Wooster
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i get it. thanks for clarifying it. i guess i just saw a scenario where someone might get hurt. i didn't know that it may be part of therapy. i was ignorant of that. sorry. i know that no one asks to be hurt. my sister was abused when she was a kid and i guess that screwed me up.  i saw what it did to her and i guess i try to help people avoid danger because of that.

 

i don't know what op stands for but i'm thinking it's original poster.  i'll be more mindful of my need to jump in when i may not be familiar with practices.

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Naked pics (especially taken via a phone) can contain information in the file data about where the pic was taken/links to the phone. Putting a naked pic online means that anyone can cut and paste and re use it, enforcing a DCMA notice to remove it is difficult and it will be google cached forever. Asking the host website to remove or deleting pics doesn't erase them for good.

 

If you post on a site with an account with any of your identifying info on it, or a website anyone else knows you on, or with any identifying tattoos/birthmarks on, you run the risk of being identified in future. You may not feel like this is a big deal now, but it can be if you have a career or kids in future. Putting pictures up because you are mentally ill or because you want to provoke someone is not the best frame of mind to decide if you want to publish your body for public consumption. Once an image is online, it exists there forever, for anyone to use without you knowing. You can never rule out being linked to it.

 

I think that even if the pdoc looked, he wouldn't tell you. Even if he told you, you wouldn't get the sexual response you desire. You are just giving yourself the same old disappointment and rejection, you can be creative about how you do it but your pdoc rejecting you is playing out the same old rejection, isn't it time to do something different and step out of this compulsive behaviour?

 

Don't risk a future interviewer, bank manager or kid seeing your genitals online in a quest to get a rise out of a tdoc. You will be the one who suffers from it.

Edited by Titania
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I think my reasoning behind this thinking is not that I expect our relationship to change,if he thought of me,I just want him to feel the loss of not being able to be my friend/lover,the way I feel.I am sad about that & I want him to feel sad about it too.I want him to long for me,the way I long for him.I guess I have an eye for an eye mentality?

And also-FlyingGuineaupig,no need to apologize.I thought you had a pretty valid point about me wanting validation from him.I just wanna know he is attracted to me.I don't really expect anything to happen,I just wanna know I'm good enough.

Thanks for mentioning that my pics are out in cyber space forever Titania.I do realize that & I have moments that I think of the consequences but I sometimes can't help myself.I will try! The thing that resonated with me is that you say I still am setting myself up for rejection,because even if he does look,I will never really know.It's the thought that he MAY look,that's really tempting me.

Edited by BorderlineChick
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I think my reasoning behind this thinking is not that I expect our relationship to change,if he thought of me,I just want him to feel the loss of not being able to be my friend/lover,the way I feel.I am sad about that & I want him to feel sad about it too.I want him to long for me,the way I long for him.I guess I have an eye for an eye mentality?

 

Wow. That's self-serving, manipulative and mean spirited. It's the type of behavior that gives borderlines a bad rap. Bottom line, you want to make the person trying to help you feel bad. What's that all about? Is there some passive-aggressive behavior here? Are you trying to hurt him for some other reason? Is this about something other than the face of erotic transference?

 

Good that you are doing this to someone who is professionally trained to help you figure out why you do stuff and the impact it has on others. Figure out why you need to do this. He hasn't done anything other than try to help. (Actually, I don't know that. If he has behaved sexually, then you need a new therapist.)

 

Sorry to be so blunt. This is in therapy, not PDs, so I hope it is okay that I add a little of the average person's perspective on the behavior.

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I did it.I don't know how I feel about it.Kind of relieved,kind of regretful

 

You must have a great deal of money and time to squander. My therapy time/money MUST be expended in productive ways.

 

Wow. That's self-serving, manipulative and mean spirited. It's the type of behavior that gives borderlines a bad rap. Bottom line, you want to make the person trying to help you feel bad. What's that all about? Is there some passive-aggressive behavior here? Are you trying to hurt him for some other reason? Is this about something other than the face of erotic transference?

 

Than you, AnnMarie for expressing that so succinctly. My thought was, "Get a life..."

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That's kind of similar to telling someone who is manic that their hypersexuality and impulsive spending is what "gives bipolars a bad rap".  Or that someone who's depressed and can't leave the house should "get a life".

 

As far as I am aware we do not make a habit around here of shaming people for their core pathology.

 

People with BPD have these urges and impulses.  Talking about them out loud is a big step up on acting them out (even if they do eventually get acted out).  I doubt that it is in any way productive to respond pejoratively.  It is much less manipulative than it is impulsive.

 

The OP can work on changing her behaviour, but her thoughts and feelings are perfectly legitimate.

Edited by tryp
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That's kind of similar to telling someone who is manic that their hypersexuality and impulsive spending is what "gives bipolars a bad rap".  Or that someone who's depressed and can't leave the house should "get a life".

 

As far as I am aware we do not make a habit around here of shaming people for their core pathology.

 

People with BPD have these urges and impulses.  Talking about them out loud is a big step up on acting them out (even if they do eventually get acted out).  I doubt that it is in any way productive to respond pejoratively.  It is much less manipulative than it is impulsive.

 

The OP can work on changing her behaviour, but her thoughts and feelings are perfectly legitimate.

 

I agree. The OP expressed herself, then I did the same. Regardless of her diagnosis I would have responded in the same way. However, I recognize that I have once again strayed into forbidden territory, thus I offer my condolences and good wishes to the OP and will refrain from further interaction.

 

Thanks for pointing out my boorish behaviour.

 

Edited---the and then are not equal....

Edited by Indigo 'n dye
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That's kind of similar to telling someone who is manic that their hypersexuality and impulsive spending is what "gives bipolars a bad rap". Or that someone who's depressed and can't leave the house should "get a life".

As far as I am aware we do not make a habit around here of shaming people for their core pathology.

People with BPD have these urges and impulses. Talking about them out loud is a big step up on acting them out (even if they do eventually get acted out). I doubt that it is in any way productive to respond pejoratively. It is much less manipulative than it is impulsive.

The OP can work on changing her behaviour, but her thoughts and feelings are perfectly legitimate.

 

Exactly what I wanted to say, but with better words.

+ it has to do with transference, and exploring those feelings are, from what I know, part of the work of the therapy... 

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That's kind of similar to telling someone who is manic that their hypersexuality and impulsive spending is what "gives bipolars a bad rap".  Or that someone who's depressed and can't leave the house should "get a life".

 

As far as I am aware we do not make a habit around here of shaming people for their core pathology.

 

People with BPD have these urges and impulses.  Talking about them out loud is a big step up on acting them out (even if they do eventually get acted out).  I doubt that it is in any way productive to respond pejoratively.  It is much less manipulative than it is impulsive.

 

The OP can work on changing her behaviour, but her thoughts and feelings are perfectly legitimate.

 

Hypersexuality and uncontrolled spending are part of what gives bipolar people a bad rap. That is true. If I am acting overly sexualized or spending away my life savings or being an asshole, I want someone to say so! I don't want everyone to say that I'm simply acting out manic symptoms and it is okay since it is part of a healing process.

 

It's fine to talk about transference and whatever else may apply. However, it doesn't do much good if no one says, hey, this is manipulative, self-serving behavior. Does the OP get that? I have no clue. Certainly no one was pointing it out which read like the behavior was found to be tolerable and somewhat accepted since it was all part of sexual transference. How do you know that is the case? Maybe the issue is authority and her exerting some form of control? Maybe she wouldn't have posted her pics if someone, anyone, would have said she was being a jerk. God help me, I don't mean that in a judging way. It just was not nice behavior and no one bothered to say as much. No one bothered to say, hey, this is how crappy that might make your tdoc feel. But then again, making him feel crappy was the point? Right, no one pointed that out, either.

 

I asked some questions. I did not just judge.

 

As far as the comparison to bipolar goes, people on here tell manic people that they are acting inappropriately and being assholes all the time. If the behavior is bad, it is called bad behavior regardless of mood state. In fact, it's considered important to tell someone they are acting out since they might not have a clue. It is not like people say, "Oh, you are manic, therefore anything you do is okay since the underlying cause of your behavior is your illness." No. Bipolar people are told to take responsibility of behaviors they don't even recall. Are you suggesting that borderlines get a free pass on that simply because they have BPD?

 

ETA: This post was made on the Therapy Board, not the Personality Disorders Board. If it was in PD, I would not have said anything. Therapy applies to people beyond those with BPD.

Edited by AnneMarie
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Wow! Some of you have no clue what having BPD is like.

I don't think I'm an asshole so I take it some people on here are being extremely judgemental, closed minded & accusing me of things I am not.When I was guessing the reasoning behind my thinking...it was just that...a guess! I'm just trying to learn about my motives,behaviors & impulses & learn from them.

How am I being an asshole or manipulative or self serving? How am I hurting my Tdoc? I never stuck a gun up to his head & ordered him to look for the pictures.I highly doubt he even seen the pictures but- even if he did see them -how would I be hurting him? (Serious question?!)

If he did see them (which I doubt) that would mean he was looking for them.

Thanks to the people who actually had informative & supportive advice.

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