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its not "ok" for me to be mentally ill


pick377
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hey all sorry this got kinda long

 

 

hmm first thing i should say is that although i turned eighteen four months ago. Im still

 

largly dependant on my parents. I live at home, My insurance and thus treatment is

 

through them. Last week i started my first job since i became majorly symptomatic last

 

year, so i have little to no funds. i never got my drivers license and public transportation

 

is iffy. so yea

 

 

now my parents try to be supportive, but their attitude is that my mental afflictions need

 

to be fixed. They bolth have some depression issues. So they act like becaue of that, they

 

they they understand. Despite me refusal to confide in them. so in reality they dont know

 

didly squat. Yet constantly complain how im always in my room but anytime im a little

 

down and out of my room. I get barraged with advice to be happier or i get the "we know

 

your feeling down, but we want you to get a job or go to collage so you feel better" talks

 

which are filled with "helpful" advice honestly it feels like im ruled by a poorley written

 

self help book.

 

 

So why dont i bring this up to them, well last ip stay at a adolecent facility i had required

 

family therepy. As i tried to explain myself, my thoughts and attitudes where described as

 

unfounded and unrelistic and yea it was a invalidating nightmare. I eventually reverted to

 

my policy of non disclosure, and was told that i was holding people emotionaly hostage.

 

But just wait ladys and gentalmen it gets better as my policy is non disclosure. When one

 

of my breakdowns get discovered the policy is to corner me and refuse to leave me alone

 

till i open up.  So quite a few times ive just lied or manipulated as i do not trust them and

 

the conversation always reverts to "well how can we fix this"

 

 

The real paradox here is that i cant build a support system and have to act "ok". so i find

 

whatever release i can which clashes with being "ok", so i feel like i need to repress all of

 

it.  I just want it to be acceptable to express my emotions.

 

So i think some independence would be healthy. but im very unstable been in a mixed

 

state for about a month. And one benefit of having to maintain apperances is it keeps me

 

somewhat safe.

 

 

I just dont know where to start this job is temporary. Its making my life hell as its simply

 

adding physical exhastion to my list of problems and honestly im just trying to keep it

 

together, so i can fall to peices when its over. I need therepy and meds which is expensive

 

especially without my parents insurance. I dont have any friends to help me out. Therepy

 

is on hold as my therepist is on vacation and i work 8-5 anyways

 

so yea im not sure what to do besides sit here and go crazier
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That's a whole lot to deal with.  The good new is that you are now an adult and you don't have to let anyone run your life.  Getting other people to understand about bipolar is always going to be tough thing, you can explain and explain, but most still want get it.

 

I know that you are going through a hard time economically but getting your own place may really help.  When I moved out and got my own place, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders.  I no longer had to put on my "I'm normal" face for my parents so they wouldn't worry (even though they were good parents who desperately tried to understand and would always listen).  And if the world got too heavy for me, I could just go MY home.  I didn't have cable, or any luxuries.  My furniture consisted of a cot, folding chair, hot plate, and what cups, plates and flatware I could find at thrift stores. I'm not proud of it, but some months I had to steal electricity.  But it was all worth it for the sense of peace.  

 

I don't know if you will ever find a partner who truly understands what you live with, but you can find peace with yourself.  That peace will not make you happy, but it will make things bearable.  

 

Life with MI is hard and one of the hardest things about it is planning for the future.  It may not be for everyone, but I try to go out and live like I'm not going to fall down, even though I often do.

 

good luck

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It is possible to have a partner, a job, happiness etc. It might not be in the form you imagine you hoped for, but it can and does happen, plenty of CB people here are testament to it.

 

It sounds like your parents way of communicating with you is really unhelpful. Have you put some thought into what they can do to support you and what might help? Maybe they are bad at talking, are there things that they can *do* to help you in a practical way? Can you think of any ways to letting them in without big talks (sharing an online mood chart, writing them emails/letters etc)

 

The reality, watching your adolescent child sucumb to mental illness is horrific. Right when you want them to go out into the world, they are sick, you have no idea how to help, you feel like it is your fault, it reminds you of your own illnesses, you feel judged by the world in terms of your parenting, so many parents here talk about wanting to help and not knowing how. Asking you how you are day to day and encouraging you not to isolate yourself in your room are good idea,s maybe they are going about it the wrong way. But the truth is, joining in daily life and getting out of the house *is* helpful. I know you don't feel like it or you feel that because you're hounded, it is better to hide.

 

If you can't leave, consider that both you and your folks want you to get better. Maybe it's time to take back some control, sit them down and ask them for some things that will help you, rather than focusing on rejecting their current efforts.

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  • 2 weeks later...

perhaps they have a hard time dealing with their own symptoms and don't want their child going through this?

 

I moved out when I was 19 and now my parents accept that I have mental illness.

 

they perhaps wanted only the best for you and to enjoy your youth and when your ill they can see your not enjoying life.

 

 

 

I know what it's like to have to act ok, around parents, the best thing you can do is to look after yourself, if you need to go to the doctors then go,

you are an adult now and you can control which medical professionals you see.

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About 10 years ago, I had to quit work and file for SSDI.  It doesn't pay much, so I had to move in with my mom as she charges me about half the rent I'd pay on my own.  I'm in my 50s.

 

We are both loners, so we don't talk a lot, but we sit in the same room and therefore have somebody to talk to if a thought comes to mind or we see something on TV or on the computer.  She gives me a hard time every once in awhile that I don't do enough around the house, but I try not to take it personally.

 

Anyway, she goes to Florida in the winter, and I find that when I live by myself, I am more likely to isolate.  It's like the less I see of people, the less I want to see of people.  I can go days in my pajamas without showering and have to make myself brush my teeth.  I guess that even though we dont interact too much, it keeps me on an even keel.

 

It also may be hard to live by yourself since you don't have any transportation.  You'd still have to interact with them when you needed a ride somewhere, and if you needed funds.

 

Anyway, that's one thing that happens to me that I thought I'd share.

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So it kinda sounds like you're a bit dependent on your parents, and resent it too... But it's not your fault because you need help and they're trying to offer it, but it sounds like not the right help you want/need.

 

I understand what you said about trying to please them and let them be your support system, all while not trusting them. Honey that's the story of my life! I grew up in that kind of dysfunction--that I was dependent on people who in all earnestness wanted to help, but because of how they were raised and how they are, would use my 'honesty' against me somehow... It seemed to never pay off...The more truthful I was, the more they reacted negatively until I finally stopped being 'honest' and just told them what they wanted to hear. Not exactly a helpful, open dialog kinda thing but it got me through....

 

I don't have answers for how to fix things right now this very second...I do know it gets better in time. As you get treatment and set your own boundaries, they will have no choice but to accept them. And as you build another support system outside of their influence (friends, counselors, group members) you'll be able to take them with a grain of salt...What they think, say or do won't be so important because you'll have individuated from them more and be under your own control.

 

It's just a slow process building that bridge from where you are now to where you'll be in the future. Give yourself time and work on building that support system external to your parents.

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