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Hi,

I'm Renee. I'm 32, married with a four year old daughter. I love animals. We have two dogs, a foster dog a cat named Jones and had another cat named Boris, who passed away suddenly last week. I have a BA in anthropology and theatre. I like reading, listening to NPR, Fantasy, sci-fi and horror movies, gardening and making beautiful things. I work with folks with intellectual disabilities as a behavior technician and have worked part time for six years as a mobile crisis outreach worker.

I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and ADHD. I take Celexa for the depression and Straterra for the ADHD. I have stalked CB from time to time for many years now, and decided to create an account now because I feel like I'm coming unhinged.

For several years now, I've noticed that when I'm not around people, I sort of lose touch. Throughout the week, when I'm at work or home when people are there, I'm fine. I function like a normal person. However, if I'm home with just our daughter, or by myself, I kind of float. Reality seems to expand, I can't motivate myself to do anything, and my thinking just gets weird. I don't like to go out of the house, and I worry constantly at these times what others are thinking. Not in a normal way, but more in a perseverative, paranoid way.

At these times, It takes a lot for me even to take a shower and get dressed to go out to a store if I need to. I can come back to normal if someone calls or stops by, but it takes a bit to re-orient. Over the past couple of years, this has been getting progressively worse. I also frequently have insomnia, usually brought on by stress, like for the past week, I've been getting 1-3 hours per night since Boris died.

I question what is going on with me, if it's stress (I have a stressful job and in the past 9 years have lost my father, my grandmother, my grandfather, my sister, my godfather, my best friend's mom, and watched the man I had been with for five years go from being a semester shy of graduating with an MFA to being diagnosed with schizophrenia (his doesn't respond well to medication) and living in a group home. I've also gotten married to a wonderful man and had a beautiful daughter in that time). Or if I have the wrong diagnosis and am not getting the right treatment. I worry that I'm riding the edge of dissociation or psychosis and that I won't be able to continue pulling it back together and being a functional, productive person. I just don't know what to do.

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Hi there.  Welcome to CB!

 

I really relate to your description of losing touch when not working or being around people.  It is hard to function and feel motivated when one falls into those mini-phases of being isolated.  I hope you can find some support and community here.

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Hello and welcome to CB.

 

I imagine you have read the User Agreement by now.  If you haven't, please do so when you get a chance.

 

In terms of your diagnosis and treatment, why don't you see a psychiatrist and get a second opinion?  If I felt that my meds weren't effective and I felt detached from reality, I would also be concerned.  If your present pdoc just brushes off your concerns, then go see a new one for a different point of view.  Also, do you have a therapist?  It might help to have some talk therapy.  You have suffered some serious losses, and I can only imagine the stress involved in that level of grief.

 

olga

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Hello and Welcome to CB!

 

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your cat.

 

I, too, can relate to your description of folding into yourself when not around people.  It helps to stay in close contact with your support system.

 

I hope you continue to find the support and info you need here.

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Thanks for the commiseration all! I can't Tell you how relieved I am to hear that other people experience the same thing I do when by themselves! I actually have an appointment with my pdoc (she's actually a psychiatric nurse practitioner, but very good) this Wednesday. At my last appointment, we discussed me seeing a counselor again for awhile, but I declined at the time. I think I will bring it up on Wednsday. Thank you again!

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