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lets see,(while I still can at all) I was very young. far to young current medical doctors have told me. (for meds) I at one point I had savant syndrome, Photographic memory and all that. (I assume it was caused by a brain injury before I was born). I could have at the time told you every last thing you said to me ever word for word, and what you were wearing, things that were around you, ect. ect. this of course made some people jealous (powerful people) and many of my own family did not think i was sane because i could not read at all (i would see strange blurs whenever i looked at text or numbers) yet i could word for word tell a grown man he was wrong when quoting something like a movie. (this would really piss them off) anyway i turned out to be a little bad ass kid, as i would catch my own mother in lies and stuff like that. she of course did not like this and long story short put me on meds (via a money grubbin' ass doc. who i also pissed off by being able to outsmart him). they locked me in a room didn't take no for an answer and drugged me with what i now know was riddlen (however thats spelled) i then wildly halucinated and have never been the same cognitively sence. now i wonder wtf i should do because i am afraid to try new meds as they mostly just get me fucked up (meth pills and stuff like that) and am paranoid of people because i have found all of the people around me take advantage of the fact my memory is VERY spotty. (they play head games and shit like that, i catch them sometimes, but not nearly enough). i still have what i understand to be a rather high amount of mental energy yet i don't really have many ways to use this, as sadly my cognitive fuctions are shot. so what am i to do go to the same doctors that conspired against me and ask for help, which i am fairly certain will not reverse anything. or just give up and make a real nice noose? maybe i can find others like me who i can become good friends with (i have in some cases but they are mostly older than me and makes me wonder if i will ever find love on this earth, by far the most depressing thing on my mind, always.) for who really wants to live alone for the rest of there days even if weathy or "powerful" some other way. i will always be sad without someone i can love and hold. well thats that. help?

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