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While it feels so strange to open up here, I need help

With the PTSD and MST ( military sexual trauma) I am having a hard time coping

I am still struggling to realize that I am home and that crowds of people can be trusted but every time a car backfires I am back in afghan. I am not finding a grounding technique that works for me. I am completely stressed out now that my home is not safe because other people are staying here. I don't feel like I can trust anyone. No one really understands what it is like nor do most people care what it was like to serve. I have given up trying to make my family understand. In their minds I did 4 one year vacations.

I am struggling to go out other than work. Work resembles afghan so it seems normal

I need coping techniques. I need grounding techniques that work

I honestly have not shared the MST in therapy yet because at my rank it is embarrassing

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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(Hey, sorry you haven't seen any responses here yet... I've been puking off and on all day... thinking of you and will respond when I get my brain back)

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Yes sys but I have to lie to therapist completely about situation or make sure she does not put it in record. When I am officially retired I will go to VA and find a woman service support groups. When I was raped my weapon was than 5 foot away I cannot understand isn why I froze

I just wish the retirement time frame would hurry

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Well, really, at any rank it is embarrassing. No one joins an organization expecting to be hurt in such an invasive manner.

People freeze because, when it comes down to it, we're animals with biological responses. One of them if to fight, flee, or freeze if we end up in situations that seem to be life-threatening. That's what we do. Yes that makes it hard if there is a weapon 5' away, I agree, but part of the fight/flight/freeze is that all logical processing like that goes right out the window. We need all that blood elsewhere, keeping immediate living alive.

 

If you read various threads here you'll read suggestions on coping and grounding techniques. We can't say what will work for you, because it's individual. If you google "ptsd + grounding techniques" you'll find about 5000 of them. But you'll need to try them to see what works for you. I hope that writing it out helped a little bit.

 

It's terrible that, in an organization with such a shameful track record of SA, they don't provide services for the people involved in such situations. I'm sorry that it's so isolating and that you're too embarrassed to be able to seek help right now. What if you went to the crisis centre, or women's centre, in your area? You can get short-term counseling that doesn't go into your record. You can also be as vague as you want, like "my employer" or "my co-worker/supervisor/trainee" or what-have-you.

 

I know it's hard to be gentle with yourself. It's something that I struggle with too. But try, if you can, even if it's only for 20 minutes a day.

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I will note that of all the therapists I've had ...  (counting, either 4 or 5), NONE of them have ever pressed me for details on exactly who assaulted me.  And you can straight out flat ask if they would be willing to obfuscate their notes because of your situation.  For example, "JD is struggling with feelings of powerlessness" instead of

"JD was sexually assaulted on X date by Y person".

 

 

 I know for a fact one of my therapists did that for a situation that I was convinced would lead to legal consequences for me (even though it was impossible) simply because of my overwhelming guilt about it due to PTSD.

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