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Should I Trust Her?


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Hey Everyone,

 

So today I was feeling sick and came home from work early. My gf usually works from 8:30 to 5 way across town. As I was passing our apartment I noticed her car in front of the building. Thinking she was just going in to work late, I thought nothing much of it and went the half a block down the street to get a Red Bull.

 

As I approached the complex again, I saw her standing outside her car. I asked her how she was and she said fine. "Late day?" I asked her, and she said no, she had come home from work for lunch.

 

I was a little suspicious because she she works about a half hour away, minimum, and has told me in the past is only a half hour lunch break.

 

Also, she had our dog in the car, who she took out and up to our apartment with me. She told me she brought him to work that morning (this is around eleven AM that I pulled up) and that she had decided to take him back home, which also seemed weird to me, because she takes the dog to work all the time for the whole day and no one there has a problem with him.

 

I asked her as we entered the apatment what she had for lunch and she said she went to the bagel place nearby, which seemed even weirder, because that would have taken even more time, and she said she ate there.

 

After about four or five questions she finally broke down and told me that she had made it all up, going to work, grabbing lunch, taking the dog and then taking him home, everything, and that she hadn't even left for work yet. She said she felt guilty that she was running so late.

 

"You know, I don't care whether you're late for work or not," I told her.

 

"I know," she said, "I feel stupid." She already felt guilty, she went on, about being late because her boss would be mad. "I just panicked when I saw you pulling up," she said, "because I already felt guilty, and I thought you would judge me for being late to work."

 

How would you guys react? She concocted this elaboarate lie, even taking the dog back upstairs, who she had just been planning to take to work, in order to fool me, and kept up with this story until it finally didn't make any sense anymore.

 

She told me she never lies to me, and that she feels dumb and terrible now, because I'm probably not going to trust her anymore.

 

Should I? She seemed so cool and collected as she lied to me, then genuinely upset when she fessed up, but who knows if that was an act too. We've been living together for going on a year now, and I'm already thinking about calling it quits, so our relationship is not on the best of terms, but I've never cheated on her, and until right now I never suspected she was on me.

 

Sorry for the long post but I thought the facts needed to be stated clearly in order to get honest feedback. I appreciate anyone's input if you're willing to give it, and if you want to ask me more questions about our relationship I would be happy to answer.

 

Thanks

 

::Edited to be as clear and short as possible.

Edited by stickman
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Out of curiosity, how old is she? This sounds like it's potentially a maturity issue. Or it of course could be an honesty issue. Either way, you have cause for concern. I would say that this definitely qualifies as a situation where she will need to earn your trust back.

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This actually sounds like there are lots of REASONS you guys are having issues.

 

One of them may be that she has a lot of shit going on in her head, some of which it appears she is scared to address.

Perhaps most of it has actually nothing to do with you or your relationship.

 

Being crazy myself, and having done something like this myself, AND having interacted with other crazy people for so long... this genuinely seems a panic reaction, or stress reaction, or both.  Though maybe drawn out instead of acute.

 

If it were me?

I would proceed with caution and consider that it's not necessarily a trust issue- it could be a "she may feel like she's losing her mind" issue.

 

But that's me. I'm not you. I don't know her or you and can't compare any subthreashold signs you share with eachother.

 

So. 

 

ETA:

I'm also really susceptible to people fucking with me, just as added information.

So that should be taken into account, along with a grain of salt, as you consider my answer.

Edited by Josie
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Question: do you want to be with her?

 

If so, I would indeed be careful however I would give her the benefit of the doubt at the same time. It might be that she didnt want to dissapoint you or make you think she was lazy or crazy. In that sense, yes it was still a mistake to lie because its never good to lie in a relationship, however she had some innocent intentions. Kind of like what bluechick said, an immaturity issue.

 

But: do you not want to be with her?

 

Is this just too much of an uncomfotable/redflag situation for you? Use it to move on.

 

I think depending on how you feel about her, depends how how you want to treat this issue.

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She's embarrassed about being so late for work and she panicked when you started questioning her.  Don't read so much into it.

 

olga

totally agree with this.

 

to me it's no different from the white lies i've told my husband so that he won't know exactly how much time i've spent doing nothing.  it's not that he would judge me, not at all - it's just that i feel so ashamed, sometimes.  i'll sit and stare until about two hours before he comes home, then do a bunch of stuff in a panic so it looks like i've been busy.  it's a lie, but i'm not trying to hurt him or get away with bad relationship behaviour.  i just don't want to appear so pathetic in his eyes.

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