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Just what I need with Panic Disorder...a boss from hell....


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So what do you all think of this...

My boss is *forcing* everyone to attend after-hours shit now... Like the "Holiday" party and now this stupid, assed boat cruise(It's not as glamorous as it sounds--it's 3 hours going around a stinky lake full of dead fish and junk, while everyone gets totally shitfaced and doped up....*then* the 'after party' has everyone all crocked up driving themselves several miles to downtown where more barhopping and drug use will continue).

Now I'm not being a prude cuz god knows back in the day I did my dirt...but I'm 40 now, grownup, and the last thing I need is to be pulled over for DWI or getting dragged to jail from a coke bust! I mean for godsakes, I've got enough emotional problems, I don't need that kinda crap too!!

So anyways, he's being a bully and trying to belittle, threaten and force everyone into going. I didn't go to the last holiday party cuz I literally was sick with flu from newyears til after the party.

And quite frankly, I just want to say look asshole, I'm totally fucking mental so leave the fuck alone or I'll stab you in the neck....but you know, say it in a nice P.C. way so he knows that I'm ill and shouldn't be forced to attend something that would be incredibly uncomfortable for me.lol

 

I'm considering having my Pdoc write a short letter that broadly says she is unable to attend these events for medical reasons so fuck off... My Pdoc is incredibly supportive and I heart her to death so I know she'd do it.

 

Anyone have any thoughts on this?  I'm contemplating sitting down with HR and saying this all to her in a 'nice' way but I'm not sure if I should talk about my MI at all... I mean if she has to tell my boss about it, I don't want him coming over to me saying it's a bullshit excuse and to just go....cuz that's the kinda douche he is.

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I can definitely appreciate the desire to say, "I just want to say look asshole, I'm totally fucking mental so leave the fuck alone or I'll stab you in the neck," in the NICEST possible way.

 

How is it possible that your boss can make these afterwork events mandatory, particularly if they include things like illegal drug use?

 

If you need your pdoc to be the bad guy who sets limits in this situation, I totally support that.

 

Maybe your pdoc's letter could say something about needing adequate time for selfcare away from the job and coworker setting or something. You don't ever actually have to disclose specifically what the disability condition is... only how it affects you if you're requesting accommodations.

 

But this doesn't even seem like an accommodation issue. 

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I'm in an almost identical situation at work, just minus the hardcore drinking and drug use.  They've introduced departmental get togethers (there are about 50 people in the department) every 6-8 weeks.  They say they're not mandatory, but there's very heavy pressure from senior management to attend.  I try to get away with the bare minimum, but find it incredibly stressful, especially the evening functions.  Going out in the evening requires very particular planning for me because of the way I take my meds, and I typically reserve it for rare, special occasions over weekends, not for hanging out during the week with the people I have to look at everyday in the office.  I loathe and despise enforced jollity and bonding with colleagues.  It sucks great big rotten eggs.  So, I think you should go for it with a letter from your pdoc, and I liked Wooster's suggestion for that.

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Don't, do not, disclose your mental illness.  That is my advice.

It is mind blowing that your boss is encouraging 'after parties' with drinking and drug use????

What industry are you in?

 

Or is this a time warp to the 80's and people are doing coke at company functions?

 

Drugs are illegal, right?  You BOSS is encouraging illegal drug use at company functions?

I don't know your industry, nor the size of the company.  It hard to understand this.

 

What would happen if you told HR that you wanted to attend functions such as the holiday party

however your are extremely uncomfortable with company events where there is drunkenness and illegal drug use?

And that you will not be participating in such after work events.

 

Do they even KNOW the liability which they incur with this behavior?

Use the word liability, that will perk up her little HR ears.

Edited by bpladybug
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Ladybug, I'd love for this to be simple but it isn't. This is a small-med company in an economically depressed area. He pays higher than anyone else so he can walk all over everyone and abuse us...I think that is kind of an unwritten given with this company. You accept the abuse in exchange for the money...I realize it's dysfunctional but that's how it is here. Not to go completely OT but he is a well-known dealer. He deals out of the country club...but the cops are paid off. I mean they literally sit right outside the gates but ignore everything and don't raid the place ever--because they have the money. Meanwhile, the strip club he goes to gets busted every few months for having pounds of coke... Its just all about who can be bought off, you know?

 

I'm not afraid to disclose anything...Everyone knows I'm on medication because most everyone else here (who's female) is on some kind of antidepressant/antianxiety or both. We all go the the same Pdoc even it's that bad. So it's not like he is unaware of how abusive this environment is. But again, and I'm owning my part of it, we all do it (work here) for the money... nobody pays as well has he does so it's either be able to afford to live a middle-class life, or leave here and seriously struggle to even be poor... It's a sucky choice...

 

Wooster that was a really excellent reply--very informative and worded really well!! I think that's the way to approach the situation. I think I would qualify under some sort of exempt-class, like Americans with Disabilities Act?... I'm happy to have my Pdoc write something up...That way if he makes an issue of it and makes it a hostile(more) work environment, I'll sue the crap out of him. I don't want to be a bitch--I just want to be left alone...I've got enough shit on my mind besides worrying about him 'punishing' me for not attending his psycho drug fests. I'm at the point where if he doesnt' like me not going, he can fire me--which is illegal and bullshit--and then I'll sue him. I'd like to not have to be like that, but I'm tired of being bullied.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Lord. I used to work for a boss like that also! It was insane! Drug deals at work, in the parking lot as soon as I left work! If you didn't party you were the laughing stock of the company, like major ridiculous adult peer pressure. So in order to even GO to work I had to put up with this shit. HR was in another state, so I couldn't exactly ”go” to them, I'd have to call them or whatever, they were useless and really didn't care. My boss was THE boss.

I eventually had enough. I made a plan, my plan took awhile, but then I bailed out and never looked back.

I think the above posters have you some good ideas. Hopefully something will work for you.

Edited by Energizerhoney
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