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How do you deal with impulses?


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I've always had a problem with being impulsive for as long as I can remember, and it seems to get worse as I get older.  I feel like I have literally no control over myself, I am a slave to the impulses, going from one to the next. 

 

Recently my impulsiveness hit an all time high (low.) 

 

Very early Monday morning, I took an overdose.  It was really strange because most of the day Sunday I felt fine and normal and okay.  Then as it started getting later I started to feel absolutely AWFUL and had this huge down slide into a depressive pit and I couldn't stand being in my own body.  I felt fucking disgusted by myself and I felt like I couldn't spend one more moment with myself.  I didn't know what to do.  I tried writing my feelings out, talking to people, but nothing helped so I ended up overdosing.

 

This was my first actual suicide attempt.  I've had suicidal thoughts and plans since I was 12, but I'd never actually acted on them - I was always hospitalized before I had a chance.  And this was just...out of no where!  So sudden!  And that is fucking scary to me because I felt so okay that whole day and then BAM, I'm trying to kill myself later that night! 

 

I mean, what do I do?  I'm in therapy, I'm taking meds, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing I guess, but I can't gain control over myself.  It's like someone else is running my body and I'm just a prisoner in here watching what happens.

 

How do you guys handle your impulses, or how have you gained back control?

 

 

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Honestly at a certain point I think people just need to be in the hospital for safety until they can control their impulses better.  Because being THAT impulsive combined with being suicidal is a huge safety issue.

 

You also need to think about either staying with someone else, having someone else stay with you, and/or having someone remove EVERYTHING from your house that you could use to harm yourself.  Get your pharmacist or someone else to hold your pills and only give you a few days at a time - I've done that before when I felt really impulsive.

 

Eventually the medication and therapy will work, but in the meantime it's really all about safety.

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I was involuntarily committed for 72 hours, which is about how long I stayed and then the doctor released me because I told her I felt fine now and didn't really know why I did it.  I'm not really feeling suicidal right now, but it does scare me how quickly I went from okay to totally shit and swallowing pills - only over the course of a few hours. 

 

I'm staying with my boyfriend right now, though he works a lot so I've been alone some and it has felt scary, but I've been managing.  My parents who I normally stay with are at the beach (I told them I'd be okay, I felt bad for putting them through this) and they took the pills I ODed on with them.  I still have my regular medications, though.  Being at my bf's apartment, there's not really anything I'd harm myself with here, so I think I'm okay.

 

Mostly I just get really lonely and then I remember how easy it was to swallow the pills, something I always thought would be extremely difficult until I actually tried it.

 

I don't know where I'm going with this... I do see my therapist tomorrow though, so I'm sure that will help some.

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I can see why that would be especially disturbing - when you are used to having ongoing suicidal ideation, actually attempting on impulse without seemingly much of a precursor must be quite frightening.

 

I hope your therapist is helpful and I'm glad you're not alone.

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Yeah it really was, for everyone and not just me.  To be honest I'm afraid I'll do it again but I really don't want to go back to the hospital.  I want to say I can stay safe but I don't know, I just don't know.

 

Thanks tryp.

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Going to hospital is crummy and nobody wants to do it - but it's a lot better than being dead.  Please go if you feel that you have to - we like having you here and in one piece.  And of course keep posting and let us know how you are going on.

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I am a very impulsive person, and I've had to work on self-control my whole life. 

I have some random impulses (like, licking the wall), I have scary ones (hurt people), I have indifferent ones (go on a shopping spree)...etc.

I try my hardest to find a distraction...but I'm not very good at it.

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Hi tryp thanks for checking in.  I'm doing better, haven't had any thoughts of trying to hurt myself again and my appt. with my therapist went well.  Now I'm working on trying to get some meaning into my life, something to occupy my time so I'm not sitting around with these thoughts all day.  I'm probably going to try to do some volunteer work or possibly take a class in school.  Part of the problem, according to all the doctors, was that I do nothing all day and it makes me feel hopeless and useless, therefore making the option to kill myself much more desirable. 
 

Anyway, for now, I'm not feeling so impulsive, but I'm going to keep a look out and try my best to avoid any future impulsive acts if I can.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Humanoid,

 

Definitely, tryp is right on. Find something to occupy your time. Volunteer even, while your boyfriend is away at work. Or even better yet, go out to a pet store and ask to pet a puppy for a while. Animals are one of the best ways to feel better.

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  • 4 weeks later...

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