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A Waste of Time


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I'm brand-new here and I hate to bother anyone. I just don't know what to do. Because I haven't picked up a blade in months and tonight I started cutting again. I don't know why. There isn't anything horribly wrong. I thought I was doing okay. Well, I was okay except for the frequent thoughts of suicide, the debates late at night over the best way to do it. But I never thought I'd crash and burn, like this.

Of course, I haven't let go completely. No one knows yet. It's all fine until someone pulls up your sleeve, right?

That's the other thing. Stupid me went and cut on my wrist. Little, shallow cuts that will heal quickly, but what if someone sees? It was the only way to feel better, the only way to stave off the voice in my head telling me to make the noose already. Does that make it okay?

Then sometimes I wonder if I'm even worth the effort it would take to fix me. Sometimes I think, How does anyone go about fixing a person who was made to be broken?

That's all. I won't waste your time any more.

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Hi Ladymaid, and welcome to CB :)

You're completely allowed to post here. You're not wasting our time, nor space.

If you're struggling right now, do you have someone who you can talk to about it, either a psychiatrist, a therapist, a friend, a family member, a crisis line (and we have lots of them pinned, here)?

I don't think that you were made to be broken. No one is born asking for that. I can see that you're struggling right now though. And I'm really glad that you reached out. Can you reach out just a little bit further and admit that you're not doing okay right now?

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Hi. I thought I'd say welcome to you as well.

You are most certainly not wasting anyone's time here. That I can assure you of. And you are not bothering anyone either. Not one bit.

 

It's great that you reached out here on CB. I like Rosie's suggestion though of reaching out a little more to a therapist, psychiatrist, etc. to get some professional help.

 

I hope that helped some.

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It's always tough reaching out to people and trusting people. The fact that your still around means you are strong and powerful. You want to get better you want to be happy.You tried cutting as your coping mmechanism. It works for now. But now you have two things to work on. Your here and ready and in No way shape or form are you a bug or wasting time. The message boards here have offered a lot of help to me. I haven't been here long the place is open Welcome and great.

Instead of being down that you started again think about how long you went Without. Praise yourself for that. It's OK to fall but get back up and you are strong enough to do that. Speaking to somebody could help a lot. You need to be ready. Call around speak to them or even call help lines. You don't have to say who you are and they could help you so you don't have to worry about people knowing who you are until your ready. The time is soon your strong.

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