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depression or anger. why do I feel like crying?


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I decided it was best that I hide out in my room today. My living room looks like a popcorn machine exploded, a dozen blankets thrown on the furniture, empty chip bags, bowls, cups, otter pops wrappers, snack size cookie bags, and dirty clothes. The kitchen sink is overflowing with dirty dishes, floor is sticky from juice boxes being dumped into little dropper bottles, jam and peanut butter on the counters... My sons room that was clean before I went to work Sunday night now has swim shorts, the clothes they were wearing before swimming and the other set of clothes they put on after swimming as well as their jammies from last night. (oh and towels in that room and the play room). I feel like it is safer for me to be in my room, alone, than out there where I can make everyone else miserable and mad at me. 

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Hi Alie, your place sounds like my place. It's so hard to keep things clean and have them STAY clean when you're depressed. And I have had both anger and depression at the same time--it sucks. But in my point of view, you can only stay depressed for so long that anger sets in and rears it's ugly head. I think it's just some way our minds deal with the depression (not that it's fun or the right way, but it just IS. I hope you are feeling better soon, take care and try to treat yourself to something nice. You are going through a hard time right now and you deserve it!

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Hi Alie. 

I guarantee you aren't the only one  who struggles with housework and family relationships when you're depressed. 

 

I've found blogging to be really useful. Blogs are used in lots of ways from venting about your day, talking about any goals you have set, asking for advice, posting photos of food/plants/animals or just asking for support. It's useful to have people remind me of skills I could use in a particular situation. 

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Yes I would also recommend starting a blog to get things off your chest. It has really helped me. Plus then I can look back if I need to and see where I was at at the time.

 

Sometimes I just need to let it all out and I can't always do that in public or around people (I'm sure they would love to hear me rant haha). But blogging and getting feedback that way and also giving feedback to others has really helped me explore a lot of issues.

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Hi Alie, your place sounds like my place. It's so hard to keep things clean and have them STAY clean when you're depressed. And I have had both anger and depression at the same time--it sucks. But in my point of view, you can only stay depressed for so long that anger sets in and rears it's ugly head. I think it's just some way our minds deal with the depression (not that it's fun or the right way, but it just IS. I hope you are feeling better soon, take care and try to treat yourself to something nice. You are going through a hard time right now and you deserve it!

Thanks Pepples. Right after I wrote that my husband came in and was super nice. It was sincere too, not just to please or even sarcastic. I don't know his reasoning for being that way, but since being medicated, I don't need to know why, It doesn't matter, I don't need him to justify why he does something.. I'm always looking for a way to explain why. I'm also pmsing which could be causing some of this. so anger isn't part of depression? its separate? I wanted to go tanning but never said anything then when he came back in and got dressed I was upset that he was going somewhere. Turns out he didn't have plans to leave right then, and was fine with me wanting to go tanning. By 4pm or so that feeling was completely gone. I was back to being happy. I didn't even feel bad when I heard him out there delegating what he wanted done next. I came out to find a living room that looked better than it did before the storm hit and dishes done. 

I also posted this in my blog.. 

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Hi Alie, I attempted to read your blog, however it appears you have it set to private or private club. I certainly understanding making your blog private, But sometime feedback from other bloggers is priceless.

 

I wish you well and hope you are feeling a bit less overwhelmed.

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Hi Alie, I attempted to read your blog, however it appears you have it set to private or private club. I certainly understanding making your blog private, But sometime feedback from other bloggers is priceless.

 

I wish you well and hope you are feeling a bit less overwhelm

I forgot to change it when I switched usernames

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Hmm... I'm glad you posted this... maybe this might be the place for me to safely blog with the hope that someone might read it and cheer me on.  I'd also be able to look back at my progress.

 

As far as the housework...  I guess I'm odd.  My ex was a freakin slob.  He was so hard to keep up after.  It was bad... REALLY bad... he was too lazy to even take the dogs out when they needed to go the bathroom.  He'd just let them go where-ever they wanted in the house... and then not clean it up.  I have nightmares about it.  I'm so incredibly embarrassed by it because I was working 80 hours a week to make ends meet for us while he bounced job to job... I got to a point where I just didn't give a shit and let it happen.

 

Now that he's gone... I'm a stress cleaner.  All my friends make fun of me because I'm always cleaning.  I get home and I vacuum, put the dishes away, run the laundry, dust... I'm constantly doing something to make the house neat and tidy.  It keeps my mind focuses and gives me a sense of accomplishment.  It's quite bizzare, but it's therapeutic for me.    Not sure what that has to do with the price of tea in china, just thought I'd share.    Just a suggestion, but maybe you'd get that same sense of accomplishment if you took one small section of your house, like your room, and cleaned it.  I know we all think and perceive differently, but for me, if my room is clean and it's my sanctuary... it's more conducive to being relaxed.  That sense of zen where the balance is in alignment.  There's a place for everything and everything has it's place.  My mind doesn't go chaotic looking at chaos.  Again, just my personal method for keeping my head on straight and semi feeling good.  Don't go Rambo and attack the whole house... just YOUR sanctuary.  Your space.  See if it helps.

Hugs... Angry/Crying... that's what spawned me to look at the post... I'm having one of those days.

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Hi Alie, I attempted to read your blog, however it appears you have it set to private or private club. I certainly understanding making your blog private, But sometime feedback from other bloggers is priceless.

 

I wish you well and hope you are feeling a bit less overwhelm

I forgot to change it when I switched usernames

 

its fixed now

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Hmm... I'm glad you posted this... maybe this might be the place for me to safely blog with the hope that someone might read it and cheer me on.  I'd also be able to look back at my progress.

 

As far as the housework...  I guess I'm odd.  My ex was a freakin slob.  He was so hard to keep up after.  It was bad... REALLY bad... he was too lazy to even take the dogs out when they needed to go the bathroom.  He'd just let them go where-ever they wanted in the house... and then not clean it up.  I have nightmares about it.  I'm so incredibly embarrassed by it because I was working 80 hours a week to make ends meet for us while he bounced job to job... I got to a point where I just didn't give a shit and let it happen.

 

Now that he's gone... I'm a stress cleaner.  All my friends make fun of me because I'm always cleaning.  I get home and I vacuum, put the dishes away, run the laundry, dust... I'm constantly doing something to make the house neat and tidy.  It keeps my mind focuses and gives me a sense of accomplishment.  It's quite bizzare, but it's therapeutic for me.    Not sure what that has to do with the price of tea in china, just thought I'd share.    Just a suggestion, but maybe you'd get that same sense of accomplishment if you took one small section of your house, like your room, and cleaned it.  I know we all think and perceive differently, but for me, if my room is clean and it's my sanctuary... it's more conducive to being relaxed.  That sense of zen where the balance is in alignment.  There's a place for everything and everything has it's place.  My mind doesn't go chaotic looking at chaos.  Again, just my personal method for keeping my head on straight and semi feeling good.  Don't go Rambo and attack the whole house... just YOUR sanctuary.  Your space.  See if it helps.

Hugs... Angry/Crying... that's what spawned me to look at the post... I'm having one of those days.

That's kinda how I am too Keats....But I just focus on my bedroom. I've given up trying to 'fix' the house...My H doesn't care, he's a lazy slob, his kids are lazy, and the dog's a giant disaster... As much as I try, I can't keep up with a house this size and work 40hours a week and take care of my elderly parents and this house full of lazy people--I just can't. So I keep my bedroom spotless. I did a makeover last year and repainted and made it look gorgeous...so when I'm stressed or tired, I just go hole up in my bedroom. Having it clean and tidy gives me a sense of calm in a crazy, dirty chaotic house.

 

Alie it's not just you....I think most women feel the way you do. We're expected to do everything, fix everything and make everything perfect, but we just can't--nobody can. Alot of this comes down to our partners not pulling their weight around the house. My Bff's husband does nothing ...and she works,takes care of the kids, cleans, etc...all he's expected to do is work, and he hadn't even done that in 2 years! She was at the point you're at now, when she had her come to Jesus meeting with the H and kids...They were going to pitch in and help or she was going to do nothing--no feeding, no washing clothes, nothing. They agreed and tried but started backsliding quickly...After a few times of no one having any clean clothes, or not having a clean house to come home to, they decided they'd do their part.

 

Hoping things are getting better for you :)

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Hmm... I'm glad you posted this... maybe this might be the place for me to safely blog with the hope that someone might read it and cheer me on.  I'd also be able to look back at my progress.

 

As far as the housework...  I guess I'm odd.  My ex was a freakin slob.  He was so hard to keep up after.  It was bad... REALLY bad... he was too lazy to even take the dogs out when they needed to go the bathroom.  He'd just let them go where-ever they wanted in the house... and then not clean it up.  I have nightmares about it.  I'm so incredibly embarrassed by it because I was working 80 hours a week to make ends meet for us while he bounced job to job... I got to a point where I just didn't give a shit and let it happen.

 

Now that he's gone... I'm a stress cleaner.  All my friends make fun of me because I'm always cleaning.  I get home and I vacuum, put the dishes away, run the laundry, dust... I'm constantly doing something to make the house neat and tidy.  It keeps my mind focuses and gives me a sense of accomplishment.  It's quite bizzare, but it's therapeutic for me.    Not sure what that has to do with the price of tea in china, just thought I'd share.    Just a suggestion, but maybe you'd get that same sense of accomplishment if you took one small section of your house, like your room, and cleaned it.  I know we all think and perceive differently, but for me, if my room is clean and it's my sanctuary... it's more conducive to being relaxed.  That sense of zen where the balance is in alignment.  There's a place for everything and everything has it's place.  My mind doesn't go chaotic looking at chaos.  Again, just my personal method for keeping my head on straight and semi feeling good.  Don't go Rambo and attack the whole house... just YOUR sanctuary.  Your space.  See if it helps.

Hugs... Angry/Crying... that's what spawned me to look at the post... I'm having one of those days.

That's kinda how I am too Keats....But I just focus on my bedroom. I've given up trying to 'fix' the house...My H doesn't care, he's a lazy slob, his kids are lazy, and the dog's a giant disaster... As much as I try, I can't keep up with a house this size and work 40hours a week and take care of my elderly parents and this house full of lazy people--I just can't. So I keep my bedroom spotless. I did a makeover last year and repainted and made it look gorgeous...so when I'm stressed or tired, I just go hole up in my bedroom. Having it clean and tidy gives me a sense of calm in a crazy, dirty chaotic house.

 

Alie it's not just you....I think most women feel the way you do. We're expected to do everything, fix everything and make everything perfect, but we just can't--nobody can. Alot of this comes down to our partners not pulling their weight around the house. My Bff's husband does nothing ...and she works,takes care of the kids, cleans, etc...all he's expected to do is work, and he hadn't even done that in 2 years! She was at the point you're at now, when she had her come to Jesus meeting with the H and kids...They were going to pitch in and help or she was going to do nothing--no feeding, no washing clothes, nothing. They agreed and tried but started backsliding quickly...After a few times of no one having any clean clothes, or not having a clean house to come home to, they decided they'd do their part.

 

Hoping things are getting better for you :)

 

so the reason for my house looking the way it does in all honesty - bc I don't give a flying fuck anymore.. I'm so tired of trying but it doesn't make me angry all the time. 

the perfect title for this blog is so I can keep track of moods, say what is really on my mind, I know I can't be totally brutally honest like saying the first thing that comes to mind without thinking it through so basically its all things that NOBODY who knows me personally currently knows or will ever know. I've attempted many strategies and put plans into action. (even went as far as trying flylady.com as well as everything you've both mentioned and tweaking them anyway I could think of to make them work. I don't do laundry much, just did my stuff but it didn't make sense to not do a full load of reds or greens or blues if I had enough to do it. nobody else will wash towels either. they're constantly telling me we don't have towels. they don't ask me to wash any as long as I don't reply.) only to have them blow up in my face. I can't think of anything I could ever love more than my family. when the choice is - let all the little petty stuff bother me and be angry all the time and have everyone think I'm a bitch and not want to include me in stuff, or just be happy with the fact that my kids have fun playing and aren't scared of stupid things like I was/am. I love that my kids like to be home and want to have their friends come over. 

bedroom - I've had my room vacuumed, bed made, all my clothes put away, shoes in the closet, hubbys clothes in a laundry basket - he gets mad when I put his clothes away- or he use to, was long enough ago that I had forgotten about it. Guess I can go back to putting his clothes away. that way I get a clean room and if he doessn't like then next time I give him a chance (a fair chance would be asking him to do it for a 7 or 8 days before I just do it for him) you'd think it was a win win but the more I think about it seems like I lose every way. he gets upset when I 'keep on him' about things. I could always tell him if he doesn't like the nagging that I could just put them away for him but I know he doesn't like it.  I remember feeling this way about living at home. that no matter or how I tried to do things it was wrong.  but my hubby not only tells me but it shows. I can see how much he loves me. I don't need anything else. 

 

I think I have serious issues.. 

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 I can see how much he loves me. I don't need anything else. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thant line right there....  Girl... what are you doing on this board... you're not crazy... you have love.. .that's all you need!   Right there in the quote above... you are loved and you know it.  Love > everything else  :)

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 I can see how much he loves me. I don't need anything else. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thant line right there....  Girl... what are you doing on this board... you're not crazy... you have love.. .that's all you need!   Right there in the quote above... you are loved and you know it.  Love > everything else   :)

thanks for the smile. Love may be all we need, but love doesn't always speak the same language. 

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