Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org
Sign in to follow this  
Miss Blue

I desperately wish I was a little kid again

Recommended Posts

I don't think an hour goes by in the day that I don't wish I was a little kid again. I know why at least. When I was 4, 5, 6.. my life was secure. My mom had it together. There was never any uncertainty about what the future was going to bring. Now, it seems like the only thing I have is uncertainty. About my mother. About if I'm going to be able to support myself. If I'm going to be able to find a job.. the list goes on and on. I just get so mentally exhausted of always worrying that my brain has made some kind of coping mechanism where I just mentally reminiss about what I would be doing right now if I was 5 instead of 29. I still live in the same house and with the same people as I did at that age, so it's really easy to. If I'm in bed I'll even shut my eyes and pull the sheets over and fantasize about what lfie would be like if I was 5 again... It seems to blot out the constant WORRYWORRYWORRY that's always present in my head.. but of course when stop my little fantasy I'm just depressed again.. since you can't ever go back.

 

I'll sometimes play memories I have as a child in my head as a way of therapy. It seems to calm me down while I'm doing it.

 

Looking at pictures from my childhood brings a really bittersweet sensation to my mind. It's soothing, because I can see a time where I had so much going for me and life hadn't totally fallen apart, but then depressing, because I realize I can never get back to that time again.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow can I relate!! I have this feeling too...It's like if they could build a time-machine, i'd hijack that sucker and send myself back to the 70's lol...it would be sooo much nicer than now.

 

The way I cope with that feeling is to watch old tv shows and buy them on iTunes...I love me some Bionic Woman!!! She was so sweet and comforting when I was little. Although she and The Partridge Family were in syndication by the time I was a toddler, I loved watching those re-runs growning up. I had a big crush on Keith Partridge, but I was *all* about Shaun Cassidy!!!LOL

 

I wish I could be a kid again and enjoy our family parties--Christmas, birthdays...all the stuff I didn't really care about back then...

 

I know what you mean about the remembering being bittersweet....I remember all the fun times but also the bad comes to mind...but mostly I wish I could go back to when I was little, and innocent ...and non-crazy. :( I know what you mean too about how things can never be that way again...When I feel that, I try to do something mindful to get myself out of the thought process...meditate, garden, just do something mindfully so I can be in the here and now...cuz basically that's all we can do at this point...the past is the past.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

 

I relate to this, it is an insecure jobs markets and im sure a lot of people without mental illness are finding it tough.

 

it's not crazy to think of a simpler time.

 

I hope you find peace soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Im a little late to this party but I feel the same..It seems like life was full of good things back then with just a little bad things sprinkled in and now its the total opposite..Holidays were so special and magical when i was little , i thought they would last forever. I find it overwhelming sometimes how fast time has gone by and how much everything has changed not for he better and family that is now gone. I always escape to the past when things were fun and easy. I wish everyday i could go back. To make it worse alot of family and friends that are left act so differently than before ...Everyday its like being in a dream you just want to wake up from and be a little kid again

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By Adolf
      "Best" as in being effective with fewer side effects. Which ones were the best for you? Which ones did you take? What condition(s) did you treat? What side effects did you get? How did the antipsychotics compare to "conventional" antidepressants?
      Can antipsychotics be an alternative to "conventional" antidepressants? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Do they make you a tomato with time? Psychiatrists prescribe them more often in recent times, it seems.
    • By Blahblah
      Have a strong itch to drop Effexor...(I won't go cold turkey). It stopped my dysphoric crying spells, but now, 10 months later, I'm feeling increasingly flat, apathetic, numb, no motivation (even after dropping to 75mg). I hate how all A/Ds have this lobotomy effect on me longterm. It's initially fine in acute episodes, I'm not sad now, but I can't function properly, and I continue to score Moderate-Severe on the depression scale.
      I think it's counteracting my Ritalin (which I increased to 30-40mg)? I don't want to increase Effexor above 150mg, I'd never be able to go off.
      I'm trying dosing at night instead, will this make any difference @mikl_pls ? I skipped yesterday's morning dose (then came the intense nausea, over stimulation & brain slosh awfulness @10 hours later) and I took my dose with dinner.
      I'm seriously considering going on low-dose mild SSRI instead (Prozac?) I'm sensitive to meds & side effects, and I'm also VERY worried about withdrawals. Especially from Effexor, they are the WORST, and I just read study that Effexor withdrawal syndrome is not dose-dependent:
      https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7402189_Venlafaxine_and_Serious_Withdrawal_Symptoms_Warning_to_Drivers
      https://metro.co.uk/2018/01/24/woman-shares-coming-off-antidepressant-ruined-life-7255570/
       
       
    • By Blahblah
      Forgot to take Lamictal yesterday (I took my other meds). Holy Hell, I took my dose today (on schedule) and I STILL feel awful!!  I've only been on 100mg....I thought Lamictal had a super-long half-life? Yesterday went like this:
      10am - up, had breakfast
      11am – slight Brain “swishes” started (was out the entire day)
      12pm – Stronger Brain zaps start
      1:30pm – Lunch (meat, salad/veg)
      2:30pm – Sudden extreme exhaustion
      4pm - more brain zaps =>  ZAP ZAP ZAP! 🤯
      7pm - Irritability starts
      11pm – Tea, bedtime, could not fall asleep (I haven't had insomnia in 2+ years)
      ...Night sweats…Restless legs.....
      12am – Ruminations, feel weepy
      ..Insomnia ensues…(Toss & turn, sweaty/achey all night)
      It's now 12pm,and I am STILL having brain zaps! I worry I’ll never be able ever taper, switch from, or withdraw from this med. You probably think well, with MI, WHY would you ever go off it? For me, longterm, these meds are band-aids. There is always a price.  Ok, maybe great at preventing acute/severe depression, but as a result, they rob me of any spark, joy, elation, happiness, libido, sexual sensation/response, feelings of reward, love.... This disturbs me. I used to know what positive emotions felt like…
      So I’m stable, existing.....but still lacking will or any interest in living....
    • By Blahblah
      Good God, my habitual oversleeping is worsening.....I literally cannot get up before 11am. I know this is probably due to the fact that yes, I'm depressed and do not have anything of purpose at the moment to wake up for.....PLUS winter weather that's dark as Hell.....PLUS on a stupid stimulant break, until I can get in to see pdoc in 5 days.
      Are there any other tactics you've used?? I'm going to bed same time every night (by 11pm). I sleep really well entire night. WTF.
      I tried a sunlamp thing in the past and it made me headachey & irritable. Even when I go for walks during the day, it doesn't help.
×
×
  • Create New...