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I desperately wish I was a little kid again


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I don't think an hour goes by in the day that I don't wish I was a little kid again. I know why at least. When I was 4, 5, 6.. my life was secure. My mom had it together. There was never any uncertainty about what the future was going to bring. Now, it seems like the only thing I have is uncertainty. About my mother. About if I'm going to be able to support myself. If I'm going to be able to find a job.. the list goes on and on. I just get so mentally exhausted of always worrying that my brain has made some kind of coping mechanism where I just mentally reminiss about what I would be doing right now if I was 5 instead of 29. I still live in the same house and with the same people as I did at that age, so it's really easy to. If I'm in bed I'll even shut my eyes and pull the sheets over and fantasize about what lfie would be like if I was 5 again... It seems to blot out the constant WORRYWORRYWORRY that's always present in my head.. but of course when stop my little fantasy I'm just depressed again.. since you can't ever go back.

 

I'll sometimes play memories I have as a child in my head as a way of therapy. It seems to calm me down while I'm doing it.

 

Looking at pictures from my childhood brings a really bittersweet sensation to my mind. It's soothing, because I can see a time where I had so much going for me and life hadn't totally fallen apart, but then depressing, because I realize I can never get back to that time again.

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Wow can I relate!! I have this feeling too...It's like if they could build a time-machine, i'd hijack that sucker and send myself back to the 70's lol...it would be sooo much nicer than now.

 

The way I cope with that feeling is to watch old tv shows and buy them on iTunes...I love me some Bionic Woman!!! She was so sweet and comforting when I was little. Although she and The Partridge Family were in syndication by the time I was a toddler, I loved watching those re-runs growning up. I had a big crush on Keith Partridge, but I was *all* about Shaun Cassidy!!!LOL

 

I wish I could be a kid again and enjoy our family parties--Christmas, birthdays...all the stuff I didn't really care about back then...

 

I know what you mean about the remembering being bittersweet....I remember all the fun times but also the bad comes to mind...but mostly I wish I could go back to when I was little, and innocent ...and non-crazy. :( I know what you mean too about how things can never be that way again...When I feel that, I try to do something mindful to get myself out of the thought process...meditate, garden, just do something mindfully so I can be in the here and now...cuz basically that's all we can do at this point...the past is the past.

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  • 6 years later...

Im a little late to this party but I feel the same..It seems like life was full of good things back then with just a little bad things sprinkled in and now its the total opposite..Holidays were so special and magical when i was little , i thought they would last forever. I find it overwhelming sometimes how fast time has gone by and how much everything has changed not for he better and family that is now gone. I always escape to the past when things were fun and easy. I wish everyday i could go back. To make it worse alot of family and friends that are left act so differently than before ...Everyday its like being in a dream you just want to wake up from and be a little kid again

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  • 1 month later...

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