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Someone PLEASE give Me A Little Direction


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Some of you may know that I've had a recent diagnosis of sleep apnea so I'm waiting to start meds for a few weeks.

The thing is, I've been on my CPAP for a week and I'm sleeping better but I'm very depressed. I have had an excessive amount of stress over the past 5 years and can't seem to get back on track with my life.

 

- I am currently unemployed and haven't been able to hold a job very long

- I am struggling financially

- I'm waiting for a decision from SSDI/SSI

- I have no friends to talk to

- Group DBT isn't doing crap and a new woman joined who monopolizes the group

- I'm exhausted, yet consuming far too many calories each day including some form of wicked chocolate craving daily

- I alternate between just getting a job (I've been applying) and waiting for SSDI because I myself am shocked at my work history

- I really think I'm borderline and not bipolar and wonder if treatment is different?

- I'm starting to depersonalize and I absolutely HATE that feeling

- I've started drinking again, not much. One or two 1-2x a week and more on the weekend oh my god I'm rationalizing my alcohol consumption

 

These are all very old patterns with me and quite frankly I'm so tired of all the work mindfulness has become. I'm a hyper vigilant freak about changing my thoughts, being a good mom, being positive, being aware etc.

 

I am so tired and sick of this merry-go-round where do I begin?

 

 

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People with significant mental illness (Bipolar is significant illness) should always see a psychiatrist. They are the ones who are most skilled with meds for mental illness. You don't see a general practitioner for cancer treatment, the same follows for mental illness treatment.

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People with significant mental illness (Bipolar is significant illness) should always see a psychiatrist. They are the ones who are most skilled with meds for mental illness. You don't see a general practitioner for cancer treatment, the same follows for mental illness treatment.

 

I have a counselor for my talk therapy and a psychiatric nurse for my meds. I just feel so stuck in life

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The treatment for BPD is usually therapy, specifically DBT which you seem to already be in. But diagnosing a personality disorder is tricky and you'd need a decent Pdoc who has known you for a long time. Either way you need a psychiatrist. Usually your medical doctor would give you a referral to a Psychiatrist.

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I agree with blue and notfred--you need to see a psychiatrist.

 

As for being stuck in life, you can talk with your counselor.  But I find it helpful to set small, manageable goals every day.  I would also suggest exercising as this is good for both your physical and mental health.    Finally, it sounds like you are being really hard on yourself.  Talk with your counselor about ways to stop beating yourself up and using positive self-talk.

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Thank you for the advice. My place of counseling has an on-staff psychiatrist so I left a message with my counselor about getting an evaluation.

 

I think my biggest problem is situational. If things are going ok then I feel better (duh) but lately so much has gone wrong and I cant seem to catch my breath.

I don't feel like I'm beating myself up, just being reflective and realistic. I mean my daughter is going to a slumber party and I don't even have money for a card.

That's a shitty way for a kid to grow up.

 

And the fact that I have no one to bounce these thoughts off of except my counselor (my Bf is just as depressed as me and is sick of hearing me complain) is very difficult. Sometimes you just need a girlfriend to rant to and hear you out then feel better.

 

The HUGE changes in my life have been too much for me to handle on my own. I doubt anyone could handle them

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How about starting a blog?

 

I've been in a similar place of feeling like the situational stress is completely overwhelming. Blogging has helped me be able to manage it. Sometimes just typing out my thoughts has led me to challenge them a little, and it helps to have validation for the things that I can't say to my friends in real life. 

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