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Is this the start of an ED?


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So I ate a bit more than usual the other day.

 

And I heard the maid commenting that I was eating a lot and that I got fat.

 

Oh god, the horror in my head.

 

Now, every bite I see, I think 'you have no right to eat that because you're so fucking fat.'

 

And I really try to keep my caloric intake to about 500 calories a day since then.

 

I work, so i dont have time to exercise, but I am really cutting my food intake.

 

I mean, yeah, they're right.

 

I dont have the right to eat.

 

I'm now 115 pounds, when I used to be 109.

 

I hate that I let myself slip.

 

Is this the beginning of an ED?

 

My doctor diagnosed me with anorexia before and threatened to confine me if I went below 100 pounds.

 

I thought I had recovered, but I don't know.

 

I'm still not convinced of that diagnosis, as I think I am just a normal dieter.

 

Anyone, please help.

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I'm sorry the maid said that to you.  I would have been irritated (or whatever) also.

 

How tall are you?  500 calories is a really low amount of calories to be on.  Sometimes when you are that low a calorie diet you body conserves the calories and stores them as fat and goes into starvation mode.  My advice is to have at about 1200 calories a day, give or take some, at least. 

 

Idk if it is the beginning of an ED.  You have the right to eat.  Everyone does.  You need to do it to live.  Maybe you just "slipped up" and ate a little more than usual on that day.  I think that happens to everyone at one time or another.  Does it happen every day?  Do you binge/purge/starve?  I'm not saying it isn't the beginning of one, just wondering what else you are going through/other behaviors you might have.

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Well, I used to hide my food and flush it down the toilet before. When I didn't want to eat and was forced to.

 

I also used to exercise 3 times a day.

 

I was also on a two-leaves of lettuce a day diet.

 

But that was before, when I was diagnosed anorexic.

 

Now, I don't do those things (though I avoid meals and give excuses like my head hurts or something).

 

I also despise the feeling of being full, like I know I'm getting fatter with each meal. So I eat very little, if at all. 

 

I also recently developed the thinking that 'each meal should make you feel thinner.'

 

Whenever I do get a bit full, I force myself to throw up just to clear up being full.

 

I guess that's it.

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It could be ED rearing its ugly head. See your pdoc, and if you have one, tdoc. 500 calories isn't enough to survive on and your body will kick into survival mode and start eating muscle, not fat. A dietitian is a good idea, as well.

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Papertrees, you've dealt with this kind of thing before. I remember some of your previous diagnoses from both here and from CM. I thought it was already established that you have an eating disorder.

 

You're a smart girl, PT. You know that eating 500 calories a day, throwing up after meals, and making excuses to skip meals are all symptoms of an eating disorder. So, please, why don't you contact your doctor before this goes any further and really messes you up?

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Papertrees, you've dealt with this kind of thing before. I remember some of your previous diagnoses from both here and from CM. I thought it was already established that you have an eating disorder.

 

You're a smart girl, PT. You know that eating 500 calories a day, throwing up after meals, and making excuses to skip meals are all symptoms of an eating disorder. So, please, why don't you contact your doctor before this goes any further and really messes you up?

 

I thought I had recovered.

 

I actually didn't believe that I had anorexia, because I wasn't as thin as the anorexics I see on Youtube.

 

I see my pdoc on the 19th.

 

Problem is, eating disorders are not Axis 1 disorders, and he doesn't treat anything like personality disorders or anorexia.

 

That's my problem. It would be too costly to have a separate pdoc for eating disorders (or maybe I'm rationalizing this too much).

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Papertrees, on Youtube you will always find bigger-or in this case, smaller-better, more, examples of whatever you look up. Just because you are't "as skinny" as the images you see does not mean that your attitudes toward or behavior around food are healthy, and that's what you need help with.

Also, anorexia is an Axis l disorder. If your current doctor won't treat you, you need to find one who will. And ditch the current one, who never seems to be around when you need him anyway.

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