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What If .....It Really IS All In my Head?!


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Yes I will address all the following with my counselor....BUT in the meantime....

 

My brain has been running on autopilot and I've never felt crazier. The night terrors have come back about demon possession, I know its not real but I've felt like my BFs dad has turned against me.

 I'm assigning negative traits to almost everything and everyone in my life (not my kids)

My sleep is still disturbed even with my CPAP machine

I cant find enjoyment in ANYTHING!!!! Not even masturbating!!! Or chocolate! And I want to tell my adoptive mother how bad she hurt me and I haven't talked to her in 4 years!

 

 My thinking is So SUPERHYPERVIGILANT that I am assessing the simplest of thoughts that I have. Example: I have been comparing my life to American Dad....REALLY????????????  The fact that Stan & Francine have been married so long make me feel unworthy...wtf!!!

Now I'm assessing how effing crazy this thought is!!!!

 

 My main thought on a daily basis ( and has been in ALL my past relationships) alternates from evaluating my BFs good points and actually leaving him.

 

Do I really have reasons? Is this all a delusion? When we talk he tells me all the wacky things I believe ( I lose it every couple months telling him I cant take it any more and I feel like I'm going crazy and don't know what to do)

 

If I FEEL crazy in my brain, am I going crazy?  Out of control? What's the deal?

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Really, it sounds like you're symptomatic. Do you have any emergency meds to take? Something that might bring things down a notch or two? I keep some Zyprexa on hand for the times when I know that I'm losing my mind and I feel helpless to stop the process. Sometimes just a few doses of Zyprexa is all it takes for me to get things back under control and figure out a way to hang on until I see pdoc next. 

 

Whatever you do, don't make any permanent decisions when you're feeling like this. Trying to figure out whether to stay with your BF or not is better kept to another time. A time when you can be objective. Now is not that time. 

 

Do you have an appointment with your pdoc scheduled? If not, give him/her a call. If you don't have an emergency med and you aren't wanting to call pdoc then be sure and bring it up the next time you see him/her. Having a plan at all times helps me a tremendous amount. A plan really helps me a lot.

 

I hope things get better for you soon.

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Ditto sylvan, a solid response which looks to me like it's spot on.  

The fact that people don't respond doesn't mean they don't care.  I read your post yesterday and was thinking about it, and hoping someone with practical advise, like sylvan, could respond.

I know for me, after I've had an episode, and retrospectively, that it's all in my head.  That's the problem.

I hope you get some help and that you feel better soon.

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Thank you again. I did call my counselor and she gave me some referrals to some support groups. Also she said I should start my trileptal ( I was told to wait to start meds for a month while starting my CPAP)

 

The only rescue medicine I have is alcohol to calm my anxiety, but the trileptal has been knocking me out

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