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People who comment on your body...


lifequake
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People who comment on your body suck.  Well, maybe they don't suck, but their comments sure do!

 

My co-worker told me yesterday that she noticed that I've "gained a lot of weight" and said that I "used to look skinny and pretty." 

 

I've tried to brush it off, but I can't stop thinking about what she said.  I feel so self-conscious about my weight right now in general, and hearing her call me fat kills me.  I'm bummed about it.

 

*sigh*

 

Why do people think it is okay to comment on other people's weight or shape?  If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

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I HATE it.  I hate the way people seem to think that a person's body is public property.

 

To be honest, I don't care if it's positive or negative.  I don't want to hear "Oh, look you've lost weight - you look so good" any more than I want to hear "Oh, you gained some weight".

 

Both of them buy into this horrible dichotomy of thin = good, not thin = bad.  AND I just think it's rude and none of anyone's business.

 

It's horrible that someone said that to you.

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I HATE it.  I hate the way people seem to think that a person's body is public property.

 

To be honest, I don't care if it's positive or negative.  I don't want to hear "Oh, look you've lost weight - you look so good" any more than I want to hear "Oh, you gained some weight".

 

Both of them buy into this horrible dichotomy of thin = good, not thin = bad.  AND I just think it's rude and none of anyone's business.

 

It's horrible that someone said that to you.

i agree tryp

like when i lost 30 pounds everyone was commenting on it and trying to give me compliments

meanwhile i was sick as fuck, at one of the lowest points of my life, and i did not want to be noticed

nobody asked if i was okay, if i was healthy, etc

they all just assumed i was doing good because i was losing weight

 

i hate when people think it's okay to make remarks about my body

even my own mom

like i'll be completely ready to go out, in an outfit i love and picked out, and she'll just be like, "Oh, you're not going to wear THAT are you? That shirt makes your stomach look huge." or "Those jeans really don't flatter your legs. They look like tree trunks."

and she's always like

oh well i would want someone to tell me

i am just trying to help

and it's like you know what

i looked in the fucking mirror

i know what im wearing

i still said, "ok, i am going out" and if it was good enough for me, then you shouldn't even care

it just makes me upset

like i didn't ask, go away

it would be different if i asked

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Omg! How rude! I'm so sorry:( I see from your profile tag that you're bulemic...so that comment was probably super hard on you, huh? I'm a former anorexic so I get it....I hated when people would comment on my body, it just made things worse no matter what....

Just try to remember that your co-worker is a stupid 'see you next tuesday'...kno what I mean? Obviously she is because nice people dont say stuff about peoples weight (or how pale they are...grrrrrr!)....So I'd just chalk it up to her being a you know...

Karma has a funny way of catching up with people....Who knows how she'll look in a few years--pack on some pounds, get a botched facelift, too much botox...the possibilities are endless. you dont even have to wish her bad cuz Karma will def come looking for her!

Sorry she hurt your feelings, that ignorant bitch! ((hugs))

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That comment was beyond rude; I can't believe how stupid people can be.  

 

Maybe I grew up in some sort of different time bubble  (I am older than dirt - hee hee) but I was raised to NEVER, EVER comment on anyone's weight, or appearance - unless specifically asked by the person along the lines of..... "is my slip showing"  (OK, for anyone who remembers wearing a slip under a skirt or dress!)

 

I am so sorry this happened to you.  I know it must be terribly hard, but you just have to chalk it up to someone ELSE being incredibly insensitive.  

 

UGH.   And EelAmme... same to you; I can't imagine your mom saying those things.  It's just thoughtless.  

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This was how the eating disorder I had started many years ago.  People commenting on my body image all the time, mainly in high school but a little in middle school.  Then I lost a ton of weight, and people still commented on my looks.  Then I gained weight back and looked "heavier" but not heavy; just compared to when I was skin and bones, and they still commented on my weight. 

 

And to this day, even my primary DR comments on my weight.  I understand it is his job to look out for the best interests of people, but COME ON ... I am not obese and maintain my weight pretty well.  Just because I have a lot of muscle (which weighs more than fat) the scale tells a "higher" weight and I am considered overweight, by 0.54 on the BMI scale.  And that is what is in my records, just the number on the scale and being overweight.

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I probably wouldn't be able to restrain myself if that happened now. I used to just agree. It's not okay to ever say anything, ever. I mean why can't people compliment you on things that actually matter, like your personality, your good conversation skills, the fact that your a loyal and dependable person. And it's so sexist. No one ever tells a man, 'hey you look a little pudgy in those jeans bro'.

 

 

It doesn't matter what you look like, contrary to what everyone else wants you to think. I'd much rather be remembered as the person I was, not whether or not there was  a gap in between my thighs.

 

Lifequake, you work in a cafe right? I probably would have accidentally dropped hot coffee on them.

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Hehe I also own several slips...I like to make sure my goods are covered....Aint no free samples,boys.lol

That was a good comeback Cacia! Its funny how people get all wounded if you turn the tables on them...I've done that before and they either get upset because you hit a nerve, or they play dumb because they're so dysfunctional they cant see you're giving back what they gave you.

Totally agree with Flameless...I grew up being taught never to comment on such taboo topics...Some people however, just have no home training.

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What the fuck is wrong with people? How do you NOT know the very basics of human interaction? What an idiot. That's rude as hell.

 

I can't believe I hear this shit all the time, that people do that. Not once in my life has any one person (besides my mom, when I was really sick and thin telling me that I should be jealous of her because she was thinner than me. . . grr) commented negatively on my appearance (to my face, I know shit HAS to be said behind my back) and I do NOT think it's not because I'm even remotely attractive at all because I'm not. So this is ridiculous. I would react VERY poorly to comments like that. VERY poorly. I put on about 50lbs in the last five years and NO ONE has even said "Oh, you gained weight!" 

 

Thankfully everyone around me apparently recognizes general human decency, somehow. That's a fucking miracle. Especially reading the people I know who post on Facebook like total morons. Weird.

 

Damn, sorry to hear about that. I would like to punch that bitch for you. What an idiot. 

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I hate it to.

When my dad was dying, I was his full-time caregiver. It was hard and stressful and I rarely had enough time for a full meal. So I didn't really eat all that much, and I ended up quite thinner.

People would come and visit him, to see how they were doing, or to give me some hours off, and they'd compliment me on my weight loss. The cognitive dissonance there is astounding.

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Ugh. I'm sorry that that person was so shitty and rude to you. How awful! Stuff like that just totally ruins a good day and surely makes the self esteem take a blow. Wouldn't it be great if people knew more about boundaries!? Not to mention respect! Why the fuck does she get to be so rude? I agree and hope that karma bites her in the ass.

I hope you are doing ok. I know how hard it is to hear something like that when you have or have had an ED. Ugh.

Check in when you can.

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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What your coworker said is awful.  There is no excuse for a comment like that.  Try not to take it too much to heart.  I've gained a lot of weight and it sucks, in terms of your self-image.  But remember that a few extra pounds doesn't mean you aren't attractive. 

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jeez...why do basic manners abandon people when commenting on another's appearance?  We are an image and youth obsessed culture and people think that gives them free reign!  It really stinks that she said that to you lifequake...completely rude and unacceptable.

 

I've gained a lot of weight since Seroquel ( which I'm coming off)...I mean a LOT.  I was already overweight before, but now I'm obese.  The way that people treat me now is vastly different. It's almost like people don't 'see' me.  They just see a really fat person. The subtle judgements happen everywhere I go.  

 

But the worst judgement would come from my own mother...even when I was only overweight, she would make comments about how 'I could get heart disease' or 'it was me in the back of the car that caused it to bottom out'.   I don't have her in my life for other reasons right now, but if I did, I can only imagine what she would be saying.

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Thanks for the supportive replies.  I think oftentimes people just don't think before they speak!

 

It's funny how one person's comment can gnaw away at you.  I'm trying to let it go and remind myself that I am more stable now, despite the weight gain, than I was when I was "pretty and skinny" and even more of a nut-job.

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Of all the critical thoughts I have picked up on and elaborated in my head until they were Absolute Truth, I am very lucky that hating my body wasn't one of them.  I think I was too depressed during the years I started packing on the pounds to notice any negative comments.  I went from being 'dense' but all muscle and skinny to being eligible for weight loss surgery.

 

Frankly, my body is awesome.  I'm thankful for it, even more so now that my troublesome gallbladder has been removed and I'm not having massive abdominal pain anymore.  I feel very grateful to it and I plan to reward my body by quitting smoking and maybe even (gasp) exercising.  Not to lose weight, because fuck that, I'm sexy as hell and I'm confident that the standard rugby league's worth of people I've slept with (look it up if you're curious) would agree with me.  But because my body deserves better than hatred and scorn and ignoring it.

 

Yours does too.  Every single person's.

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I also hate how people assume that when you lose weight this is a rather positive thing. Unless the person has specifically told you they were TRYING to lose weight, then don't comment on it. Even then, ASK FIRST if they want to hear your opinion. 

 

When I was depressed, my BMI dropped to 18. That's pretty fucking thin for someone who's 5'9". And all I got was compliments like "Oh Para, you are looking so good!" Meanwhile, I was dying inside and starving myself cause I didn't have the energy or care to eat. 

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I had gained a lot of weight awhile back, and I was in line at the grocery store.  The girl at the register said I looked like my face was glowing.  I thanked her and she said, "You're expecting, right?"  And just looked at her and said "Nope."  And she said, "Oh."  And I left it at that, I was so pissed.  It wasn't worth it to me to get into with a line of people in front and in back of me.

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