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can't eat can't sleep right can't work


resonance

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Right now I can't imagine pulling my life back together, ever.  I can't eat enough to not lose weight and right now I can only handle liquid food, anything solid revolts me.  I got my sleep cycle messed up and now I go to sleep at one or two and sleep in till noon, instead of going to bed at 10:30 and sleeping until ten, which wasn't good either.  I'm mildly depressed which is preventing me from working or dealing with things well, and I'm agitated which is preventing me from seeking out new social situations because I can't stop swaying when I sit and rocking from foot to foot when I stand.  I'm really scared about the food thing because I'm losing weight I don't have to lose RIGHT NOW and I can't make it stop and I can't imagine ever being able to eat as much as I used to eat, which wasn't enough either, again.  I'm afraid I won't be able to work again by January, and I can't even handle the volunteering I signed up for because I can't get up early enough.  I almost couldn't shower today, for the second day in a row.  I get a stupid muscular side-effect from antipsychotics and I find it nearly intolerable but I'll  have no choice but to adjust to it.  The more I can't eat, the more I have to eat but I can't.  I just want to enjoy eating. 

All I do is come into work and do livejournal and email and crazyboards. Sometimes I go home and read.  Anyone normal would have a host of things to do. I can't imagine doing any of the things on my desk.  My car badly needs an oil change.  I need to email out my Christmas list.  I need to turn in a form to the apartment office.  I can't do it.

I want to be able to go to sleep at a normal time and get up eight hours later and have a  normal breakfast, lunch, dinner.  I want to not be scared of losing weight.  I want to have energy and enthusiasm for things.  I want to sit and stand still.  I want my arms to hang normally at my sides.  I want to be doing meaningful work.

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noemie!

gasp.

i know *exactly* what youre going through right now.

ive been at work for 3hrs and cant pull myself together enough to actually get ANY work started.  ive been on crazyboards for the whole time, and if im not reading - im outside smoking.

im stuck; stuck in this weird mildly depressed, no motivation, want to go home and sleep but know that i cant mood.  i have no drive to do ANYTHING.

i go through phases...

i find that, for me, if i can get myself to make a list of all of the things i WANT or NEED to accomplish, and if i can manage to do atleast one or two of those things i feel good about myself.  it gets me in a more productive state of mind.  even if i dont get anything else done today, ill probably feel better tomorrow...even if i cant get much sleep in.

sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. but i always give it a shot.

as far as the eating thing goes...ive been struggling with that for over 3 months.  atleast you ARE eating, and thats a good thing.

i really, really hope things start looking better for you real soon.

xo

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All I do is come into work and do livejournal and email and crazyboards. Sometimes I go home and read.  Anyone normal would have a host of things to do. I can't imagine doing any of the things on my desk.  My car badly needs an oil change.  I need to email out my Christmas list.  I need to turn in a form to the apartment office.  I can't do it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds like me when I was working and now that I am not.  This summer I went like three times as long as you are supposed to between oil changes.  Just couldn't get the motivation to buy the oil and filter and then spend the 30 minutes to change it.  There were many days I went to work and just stared at the computer screen for long periods of time.  Didn't really care about anything and don't really now either.  Caring takes energy and MI has a way of sapping energy.

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