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I worked there for 3 months, only a couple of days a week. It was a volunteer position, so i can go back if i can stand the embarrassment, in a few months when things even out.

 

I was getting panic attacks the night before work, so paranoid, believing they all hated me there, were talking behind my back. So i'd call in sick, then i would think they hated me even more for calling in.

 

I love that job. I cant believe this fucking illness wins again. My voices were in overdrive this morning telling me my husband is going to leave me, that im a selfish, worthless piece of shit.

 

Sorry, i just needed to say this to people who understand...

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Hopefully you can go back one day when your illness is under better control. I'm so sorry that you had to quit. I don't necessarily see this as the illness winning. Let's re-frame it: You now have time to rest and get back on the road to recovery. You are taking care of yourself. This is a step toward one day being able to go back to the job you love, or even another job you might love. This setback is really crappy, but hopefully only good will come out of it. 

 

I'm sorry your voices are being so mean to you too. You are not any of those horrible things, I hope you know that. 

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I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to lose a job you love.

But I agree with para I that it is a setback and not a failure or a "win" for your illness. You did great for three months! That is something to be proud of. It is a great accomplishment.

And I'm sure they would love to have you back when you feel ready to return.

Keep us posted!

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Well, i cried a lot today. But, i took some Zyprexa to calm my mind down and then picked up a maths textbook. Eventually my goal is college, so im making myself study relevant subjects ahead of time, to "get the jump" as it were. You guys are right, this is a setback. But i have a quote on my fridge that is relevant right now: "Keep going- if ants can rebuild their lives 10 million times, so can you". I will fight, i will learn, i will get my meds adjusted and i will get back on track. This has to happen.

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Good for you! That is great that you are getting a head start on studying for college. If that is a long term goal of yours, you are certainly headed in the right and best direction!

 

And you have inspired me to try to do some reading again! I don't think I can do it for very long at all, but I will try!

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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There's a quote I like by Henry David Thoreau:

 

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

 

It makes me think of you, Esmerelda. I wish you luck with your studies and I hope you can achieve your dreams. :)

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There's a quote I like by Henry David Thoreau:

 

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

 

It makes me think of you, Esmerelda. I wish you luck with your studies and I hope you can achieve your dreams. :)

 

Thanks sweetie :) i actually have that quote on a mug, it's my favourite tea mug!

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Your attitude sounds really good, given that you had to leave a job that you loved.    I believe, too, that anything is possible and you can rebuild from here.

 

Your illness didn't win - you worked for three months.  That's great.   As others have said, this is a bump in the road, not the end of a road.

 

I feel for you, though - I know it is hard, and you're right - people at CB understand.  

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