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(Hypo)Mania ALL THE TIME (I'm new)


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Here's the summary of how I feel most of the time:

 

Loss of focus and articulateness because my brain goes to fast. Being awkwardly obnoxiously out of control hyper so that people are made very uncomfortable by me. Talking too much in the presence of people who don’t appreciate it. Can’t contain myself. Can’t sleep. Can’t stop talking about all the above symptoms. Can't stop talking at all. 

I am annoying. People get fed up.

Borderline insecurities commence.

This leads to social unpleasantness and spirals of Overthought about virtually anything, which leads to typing too much, and there goes the cycle again.

And every bad thing I've done has been to claw that feeling out of my system.
Not depression or straightup anxiety. 

I think I’m just insane in a way my body and life can’t keep up with. It’s so so so so so much in such a good way and it’s also hell. 

It’s a really good high except it never ends and you can’t get it out of your system and it can hurt.

 

I also have obsessive compulsive disorder, which seems to fluctuate along with my moods. 

 I keep track of my symptoms in my planner. I know myself. But I think, because around doctors I am pleasant and self aware and usually happy, doctors don’t think there’s really a problem. I don’t ever get in trouble, I’ve never done anything too dangerous or been psychotic. My anxiety tempers those urges I think. I’ll have an urge to do something crazy but I won’t act on it, at least not anymore. And so most people I see assume I’m fine.

 

But it's very difficult for me to deal, to stay calm, and to stave off anxiety while in this state. And I am in this state all the time.My pills don't work. I have xanax, ambien (which makes  me hiiiiigh and then I just stay up all night) and luvox. The benzos aren't adequate...I need almost 3mg to calm down and that's not advisable. They're a band aid, and I want to get off them.

 

 

Tomorrow I'm seeing my pill doctor and asking him for seroquel or something similar. (I take lamictol now, but all it's done so far is raise my anxiety level and give me insomnia). 

 

But I'd welcome any thoughts, suggestions, or stories from people who have been diagnosed longer than I have. I'm pretty new at this.

 

Lydia

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We obviously can't diagnose you here. But I would recommend printing out this post and bringing it to your pdoc appointment. You say that doctors tend to think you're just fine because of the way you present, so bringing this post would be ideal. 

 

My hypomania is somewhat similar to yours in that I can have high anxiety sometimes. It's more like excitement than anxiety, really. My hypomania is quite obvious too.

 

I hope you're getting treatment for your OCD, it sounds like quite a challenge for you. 

 

I'm not entirely sure what else to say, but feel free to ask questions. People here are nice. :)

 

And welcome to CB!

Edited by Parapluie
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IME seroquel is a good drug to discuss with your pdoc if it is appropriate for you.

I find it helps me slow down some. My mind used to race, I'd be too hyper, highly anxious, couldn't sleep through the night or sleep much at all, and I was still hearing lots of voices and paranoid despite the abilify that I am also on. I think it helps my thoughts too but I'm not entirely sure.

Do you have ADHD? You sound a lot like my cousin who has a bad case of it. He's hyper 24/7 too. He takes a stimulant (not sure which one now) to help him out. He is doing much better now.

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Thanks so much guys!! I did actually bring this post to my doctor today. I just got home with a bag of shiny new prescriptions including Seroquel, which I am very optimistic about.

 

I'm just really glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. It really helps me to know that.

I think my doctor gets it ...ish. But he's reluctant to make any rash decisions.

 

My initial diagnosis was just pain old anxiety, and so a lot of symptoms got overlooked. But things are clearer now, for both me and my docs. I've spent 2013 so far working in therapy, and I went to a great residential program that nearly eliminated my ocd symptoms and helped me realize I had an actuak mood disorder.

My OCD was pretty controlled and fine until I started lamictol, which I am now stopping over the next week or so. I guess that drug does more for depression than for manianxiety.

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