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Depression/Anxiety - Psychosis anybody else?


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I have depression, anxiety, and sometimes it leads into paranoid psychosis.

 

I am just now trying to pull out of a psychotic state I was in for two months. I believed completely  that there were law enforcement people out to get me. There was a SWAT team on my roof. men yelling at one another. whistling, dragging chains on my roof.  They had walkie talkies.  they had a blue light that they would flash on my wall in the middle of hte night.  That's when it was the worst.  When I was asleep, or trying to be asleep.  they would ring the doorbell in the middle of the night.

 

I didn't go anywhere because htey were out to get me.  If I did go to the grocery store, I would be surrounded by cops, driving by me, kind of surrounding me at a distance.  I would completely freez in terror when that heppened.  I also have an expired registration sticker on my car, so I worried about that.  But if I went in to get it renewed, then they'd see that I had a warrant out for my arrest (so I thought). 

 

I was completely certain that I was going to prison for a felony.  I knew that I wouldn't let them take me, so I wrote out my will, I found someone to take my dogs for me.. and that's as far as it got, but I wasa serious.  Oh yeah, at one point I thought they were at my door, so I actually did try to cut my wrist, but it hurt too much and I stopped.  They were more like paper cuts.  Laughable in retrospect.

 

so eventually, my brain really broke down.  I felt out of control and like killing myself or somebody else.  I couldn't contain myself at all. I finally realized I was sick and needed the hospital, but I certainly couldn't drive there or deal with checking msyelf in... so I did the next best thing, and took a lot of seroquel to bring me down.  I was still paranoid, but at least beginning to realize that I had been imagining, hallucinating a lot of it.  So, I probalby injested twice the normal amount that day.  But that's hte day I ealize I was psychotic.  btw, it did not knock me out.. it just kind of calmed me down.

 

So I went through that hell for at least 60 days.  Can you imagine what that is like?  Sixty days of utter torment and terror?  I can't either.

 

My pdoc has been very cold about this.. she didn't react except to smirk at me about ny psychotic delusions.  I said I needed the hospital and she said no, I need a day program.  Well, she is wrong.  She said I would have to be imminently suicidal or homocidal or psychotic... and that I met none of those in the present.  But, lady, I did for two freaking months.  she did not care.

 

so I'm out here in the world.. she did prescribe for me to go up to 6oo to 8oo mg on seroquel. so I am doing that.  I think it's helping, but it makes me feel pretty groggy.. I think I'll get used to that thouh.

 

Has anybody else experienced this kind of thinng?  for me, its long term intense anxiety that ultimagely expresses itself with crazy delusions and paranoia.

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Sounds like a wild couple months, I'm so sorry you suffered for so long. I really hope the Seroquel helps you. I'm also sorry your pdoc's an A-hole. 

 

I have schizoaffective, so psychosis is a large part of my illness. But, I didn't become psychotic for the first time until I was severely depressed (Well, I may have been psychotic before that... we aren't sure).

 

My theory is that my depression got so bad that my brain just broke. I just woke up full blown psychotic one morning, after about 8 months of being severely depressed. It gradually got better over about a week, then came back full force a couple months later.

 

I believed that the sun in the sky was sending me messages through glass windows, telling me where to go to kill myself. He (the sun) told me that I needed to go to a bridge, next to some train tracks, on a sunny day and sit by the water and kill myself. He needed me to kill myself so that He could recycle my soul and make new people. I was convinced He was a deity, and I was chosen as a sacrifice. In addition, He sent sparkles and shadow people from the sky to torment me. This lasted roughly 9 months, of varying intensity. 

 

So, yeah, I have definitely experienced delusions/hallucinations similar to what you have experienced, just more of the bizarre variety. You aren't alone. 

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Hi Liveoak.

 

Firstly would like to say that it sounds like an awful experience you've just gone though, I sincerely hope the the Seroquel works out for you and alleviates the symptoms further.

 

I had a problem like yours only three months ago. It started with a deep depression, music usually helps me so I was on Youtube listening to some tunes when images of people from my past started flashing up and I was instructed to hurt them by any means necessry. I obviously freaked the hell out and shut off the computer. The next day I kept seeing the shadowy figures everywhere I went, always off in the distance. I was never able to see their faces, but I knew they worked for the government and were making sure I went through with my "task". I wouldn't (and still don't) leave the house after I came home after a short visit to the shop (15 mins) and thought my house had been broken in to and my computer tampered with. I have spent these months feeling like a prisoner and like you, very desperate.

 

I did venture out once with my girlfriend to a pub, but thought everyone was wanting to hurt me and knew who I was. Ended up atttacking a guy in the bathrooms. He wasn't too badly injured fortunately. Starting to notice a gradual improvement with the meds, such as going back on the computer and being able to post on forums like this.

 

Stay safe and I hope things work out for you in the future.

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Not quite, but when my anxiety and depression are at their worst I tend to see phantom bugs and "shadow people" out of the corner of my eyes, and things like that.  For a while I was constantly hearing a telephone ringing in the distance that didn't exist.  It happens.

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