Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

I Guess I'm Ready To Admit It


Recommended Posts

I have mental illness. And I have limitations. I have difficulty working and I mostly need to lay down in the afternoon and have complete quiet to unwind. I have anxiety and panic and depression that keeps me from having healthy relationships. I break plans frequently.

 

I am ready to admit that I cant keep expecting so much of myself and that I need to do things differently than I have been. I need to stop comparing myself to my friends and the rest of society. The rest of my life will probably continue just as it is right now, maybe a little better.

 

I also have physical limitations and cannot do the things I did when I was in my 20"s :huh: But I will always dance (even if its just in my living room!)

 

I promise to read this post over again when I am feeling the pressure and forgetting my limitations.

 

Ahhhhh.....that felt really good!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is often a mistake (though tempting, for a variety of reasons) to try to continue to be yourself when you are "not yourself".

 

The cost in sheer effort of making up the difference and adopting the persona you'd like to be, or want to get back to being, can be punishing: an extra load precisely when you don't need it.

 

Yes, there are times and places and reasons for acting better than you are, and for overruling how you feel inside and not letting it show.

But not as a universal. principle, a positive mask and performance that must be maintained at all cost.

 

Chris.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been mentally ill my whole life and on SSDI for ten years and still struggle with comparing myself to other people who don't have my illness and to my vision of where I would be without bipolar and GAD. (Does Facebook make anyone else feel incompetent at life? Where is my in-ground pool, loving husband, and successful career?) It's such a process, probably a lifelong forgiveness project for me. I'm so glad to see someone at a point of acceptance. It gives me hope that I can get there someday. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been mentally ill my whole life and on SSDI for ten years and still struggle with comparing myself to other people who don't have my illness and to my vision of where I would be without bipolar and GAD. (Does Facebook make anyone else feel incompetent at life? Where is my in-ground pool, loving husband, and successful career?) It's such a process, probably a lifelong forgiveness project for me. I'm so glad to see someone at a point of acceptance. It gives me hope that I can get there someday. 

 

I hate FB, in part for this reason.  I don't want to be on FB with people from my past finding me, only to (probably, knowing them) compare me and my life to theirs.  And then explain my life (or try to, at least) to them, and them not "getting it."  Some might be ok about it, but the majority from school (both HS and college) wouldn't "get it." (Although maybe they've changed, but I'm not willing to risk going on FB to find out).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone!

 

Facebook is cyber-high school. All the shit that people did in High School is now posted for everyone to see.

I am an artist and wanted to keep FB as a means to show my work, but its not been received as I would have liked.

 

And fyi bookgirl, no in ground pool, loving husband or successful career here! But I am still a pretty cool person, and I'm sure you are too!

 

So goodbye FB!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am an artist and wanted to keep FB as a means to show my work, but its not been received as I would have liked.

 

I am also an artist -- all artists face having their work not received as they would have liked, it's absolutely not FB's fault.

 

It's also a sort of mean mistake to resent others for things they have, and happiness they have. All of us deserve happiness. All of us can get it, just maybe not the exact same kind. That's another realization that's helpful in navigating these waters. But, I don't want a inground pool, so the FB people don't bother me.

 

I have found that a key to transcending or just living with your limitations from a MI is to learn to separate what is MI and what is just life.

Edited by goldfish
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess because my "friends" were seeing my work on FB and not even giving any feedback at all is what bothered me the most. I understand with being an artist everyone has their point of view.

 

Also, I wasn't resenting the people or their lives on FB I was kicking my own ass for not living up to those standards of society. Just accepting myself and my MI and my capabilities was enlightening for me.

 

And I come from a severely dysfunctional childhood so its extremely difficult for me to separate what is just life and what is MI. So much of my life is/has been so dysfunctional that I cant distinguish what is acceptable or not. I barely know myself and I'll be 45 in July. So there's a lot of work ahead of me!

 

I appreciate all the feedback!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't want to admit any of those things. they may be as true for me now as they are for you. but I don't want them to be. I want to be able to do the same things that everyone else (my age) can do. I want to continue to be a part of society. I want to be successful. I want to have relationships.

 

why does having a mental illness mean that I cant do these things? why do I have to accept dis-ability? why do we have to give in?

 

don't think that I am in any way invalidating you or your statement. it is powerful.

 

maybe I am just still in denial of my own limitations.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't want to admit any of those things. they may be as true for me now as they are for you. but I don't want them to be. I want to be able to do the same things that everyone else (my age) can do. I want to continue to be a part of society. I want to be successful. I want to have relationships.

 

why does having a mental illness mean that I cant do these things? why do I have to accept dis-ability? why do we have to give in?

 

don't think that I am in any way invalidating you or your statement. it is powerful.

 

maybe I am just still in denial of my own limitations.

I don't think you should give in. If you still have hope that is a good thing!

I just got tired of kicking my own ass and wondering why I wasn't living up to society's expectations of "success". I found peace in acceptance of the person I am now and not the person I once was (who was still MI but didn't know it!) And I may be that person again someday, who knows...

 

This is one of the lessons in dialectical behavior therapy called radical acceptance and it FINALLY stuck with me!

I hope you can find peace in your life and whatever success means to you! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...