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Started out a good day, then kind of crashed.


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I felt really good this morning.  Slept a ton last night and woke up in the morning instead of my stupid nocturnal sleep cycle I'd been on.  Then I kind of felt bad that I didn't get dressed or do much of anything when I felt like I should.  Then I cut my leg open on a broken spring in my stupid mattress and was bleeding all down my leg and freaked out crying, partly from frustration, partly from the shock of sudden injury and partly from just pent-up emotion.  I still feel like crying some more for no particular reason.  I'm not as depressed as usual, more agitated and emotional.  I started partial hospitalization on Wednesday and it's been really good so far, which is why I felt bad that I didn't do anything today.  I know that I can't change instantly but I don't know.  I'm not on any meds right now but Klonopin because the others weren't working anymore.  Speaking to a pdoc about a med overhaul on Monday, which I'm excited about.

This was really disjointed and annoying to read probably, I'm sorry.  My mind is a little scrambled.

Edited by sixteenshells
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Intense therapy can definitely make you more emotional and agitated even while it makes you better, IMHO. Hopefully the med overhaul will help. I see you've tried lots of SSRIs and SRIs, neither of those worked for me and I didn't really get better depression/anxiety wise until Lamictal and Abilify. Not that you should take those, I just mean that there's probably some combo out there that's good for you so don't give up hope! Also, definitely sounds llike a roller coaster day but the good part is you got good sleep, which is going to help overall. Try not to worry too much about getting stuff done, you're working on yourself right now!

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Tomorrow I'm starting on Prozac and tapering off Celexa, and if needed they'll start me on Abilify.  It's hard not to be like "Put me on ALL THIS STUFF" just because I want so badly to feel better, haha.  Had two panic attacks today (ugh) but at least I'm not a zombie anymore and I have a lot of support from my program.  Thanks for the encouragement :)

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I definitely understand the feeling of wanting to get better NOW and it might be worth talking to your doctor about Abilify earlier because it can start to work in a few days whereas Prozac takes several weeks... but regardless I bet the meds will help a lot and sooner than you think. Good luck!

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