Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I thought I'd start this topic because I myself had a mentally ill adoptive mom, so my parenting skills were learned along the way. I basically tried to do the opposite of everything she did. No one had any valuable advice for me and I generally felt as though I knew what I was doing, but occasions came up where I could have really used support!

 

Feel free to offer any advice, tips, recipes anything at all!

 

Here's my first tip that I learned late in life: Sometimes the answer is NO just because I said so! I tend to over-explain and give reasons, but that isn't always necessary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh man. Depends on how old they are. I tend to try to use logic to explain the "no" thing a lot too. THEY DO NOT THINK LIKE ADULTS!

 

Walk away, if they're old enough and won't stop hassling you. Go to another room, then they have no one to argue with. Works well for me.

 

That's all I got at the moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i would add don't compare your kids to other kids.  they all have different abilities, strengths, personalities, difficulties, whatever.  you're not a failure as a parent if your child isn't a straight A student or a star athlete.  if their health is cared for, their minds stimulated, their emotions free to be expressed, and they feel safe at home and out in the larger world, you're doing a great job.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another tip I learned along the way is my kids enjoy no bake chocolate oatmeal cookies. These are easy to make and kids can help too!

Melt 1 stick of butter on low temp

add 3/4 cup of sugar and bring to a low boil-boil for 1 minute.

Remove from heat and add :

3/4 cup of any kind of peanut butter

1 tsp vanilla

1/3 cup of cocoa

1 cup quick oats

Stir well then drop spoonful's onto wax paper lined cookie sheet

refrigerate 1 hour then try to eat just one!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm stealing that cookie recipe for me.  that looks easy and gluten free :)

 

I'm not a parent, but I've learned through my many years of working with children that sitting or kneeling to talk with them can make them feel more relaxed in a difficult situation.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Talk to your children from the time they are babies.

Of course they don't understand you but it sets up life long conversation skills. I see so many parents that only talk to thier children when they are reprimanding them and then wonder why they don't share whats going on in their lives. Especially important in the teen years.

If they are comfortable talking to you then you can at least let them know the facts of ..say..puberty...and myth bust what they are hearing from their friends. You will be so much more influential in your childrens lives then if you just bark at them. Plus those conversations will be easier to approach of both of you are alrady comfortable conversing with one another.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, I have so many tips now.  My tips range from newborn babies who are from another planet to teenage girls who are ON another planet. 

 

Loving and nurturing your child is the best and most worthwhile parenting skill.  No matter how little you clean, how fancy your meals are, whether you can deal with playgrounds or playmates, if you cower under homework and teachers, if your anger is so loud sometimes it wakes the neighbors, no matter what.  Love and more love makes all the difference in the world.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These are three that I've found to be very important:

  • When kids ask questions about difficult/hard topics, only answer the question. Do not give all sorts of details. If/when they want more information they'll ask. At that point, once again, answer the question without more details unless they ask. Sometimes it will be weeks/months before they've fully processed the information you've given them and they'll ask for more details. Let them lead the conversation.
  • The other biggie for me is when other people take care of your kids. Realize that what they do may not be the way that you do it but that's okay. Here is a sort of silly example. One day, I came home from work. Hubby had been taking care of the girl that day. She had on a cute outfit. It was on backwards. I found it sort of distressing for some reason. Then, I thought, well, she is dressed. It isn't what I've had done but the major objective was accomplished. Different =/= bad.
  • Talk to your kids. Keep the communication open.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry, this has taken be so long to respond.

 

About to pick up my girl at camp.  

 

Tip #1

 

Stay out of her way, no questions, no hovering.  Let her come to you. And be prepared when she does.  She might ask a question like, "mommy, how do you know when you like someone?"

 

But most of time, do not ask anything. Let her be grumpy, happy, giddy, sad, quiet.  Just let her be and don't ask why.  Give hugs and kisses as usual, feed her, don't let her disrespect you, but back off, way off.  Be a little more forgiving of the tone. She is now a creature from another planet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry, this has taken be so long to respond.

 

About to pick up my girl at camp.  

 

Tip #1

 

Stay out of her way, no questions, no hovering.  Let her come to you. And be prepared when she does.  She might ask a question like, "mommy, how do you know when you like someone?"

 

But most of time, do not ask anything. Let her be grumpy, happy, giddy, sad, quiet.  Just let her be and don't ask why.  Give hugs and kisses as usual, feed her, don't let her disrespect you, but back off, way off.  Be a little more forgiving of the tone. She is now a creature from another planet.

The mothership has landed and deposited an alien lifeform in my daughters bedroom!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My kid sobbed half the way home from camp, slept the rest and is now ensconced in front of the TV with two blankets and the cat. In the car on the way to camp to pickup our alien child I asked hubby what he has learned about managing the teenage martian girl.

 

 

Tip #2

 

Don't let the winds of drama blow you off course.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is really good stuff!

 

Well after I picked my daughter up from swimming, she asked if we could go to Burger King for a 50 cent cone. She had her own money and even went inside by herself. When she came out I saw her struggling with her seatbelt and cone. When I asked if she needed help she proudly said "I got it Mom!".

 

Don't give help unless they ask for it! Unless circumstances state otherwise...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

tell your daughter/ son every day how important they are to you and how special they are.  How much you appreciate them.  Every day.

 

 This is particularly important when they have had to witness some of your mood episodes, or pulled you out of bed to drive them to school.  While they got themselves dressed, made their breakfast and lunch etc.

 

Do not compare them to their siblings. Ever.  I have two daughters - one is super smart, very high grades - TAG program.  The other one has learning disabilities, low IQ and is on a full IEP.  I  celebrate every success with both of them individually.  I expect them to perform to the best of their individual ability - whatever it is for each of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Treat your children like human beings, not as "other than" just because they are not adults. Apologize when you've wronged them- very important for parents with MI. If I have a screaming fit over nothing, I always apologize and explain what was happening. NOT to excuse crappy behavior, but so they know it wasn't something they did. Let them DO THINGS, like cooking and cleaning, starting when they are very small, so they grow into skills (all four of my kids, 11-18, are good cooks).

As for something specific to parenting with a MI- with my children, I have found that it worked well for us to have them know about my MI, in whatever capacity they could understand at the time. It gives them reassurance that the world isn't collapsing, and gives me more support (now that they are older- I was acutely suicidal last week, and my 14yo daughter could tell something was off, so called to see how I was doing- in reassuring her, I was able to pull myself out of it- of course I did not tell her I wanted to die!).

I had a point, but tired.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...